Backstory: At wife's sister and brother in law's house for dinner. Wife's brother brings his girlfriend whom my wife doesn't like. Everybody is talking to one another, including brother's girlfriend. I say "Hello ***, how are you doing?" And from there a conversation begins. 30 min later, wife exits to back porch where we're all sitting and chatting so that she can take a picture of the sunset. I ask "hey, how'd it turn out" to which she replies in a snarky tone "if you were there, then you'd see." My reaction to that was surprised, and the old 'oh here it come' feeling came over me. Come dinnertime, wife is acting as she does when brother's gf is around…silent and angry in appearance. After dinner ends and everyone is heading home, wife is silent. I made the mistake of not asking what's the matter, since I pretty much thought I knew what the matter was. I figured she was angry with me for speaking to her arch nemesis. Fast forward to today and this was our text conversation. Please, was I an ******* here for thinking this was all about the other gf?
TEXT TRANSCRIPT----
Me: I love you
Her: I love you too but I didn't appreciate being blown off last night so you could fraternize with ****
Me: You weren't blown off. I was being sociable. Sorry
Me: If you don't like me talking to your brother and his gf, like everyone else, don't bring me.
Her: While I was doing all of the dishes by myself
Me: Your choice. You were throwing a fit
Her: I was not throwing a fit
Her: But it's frustrating to have Michelle's boyfriend come in and help when it should have been you
Me: Everybody was socializing. Don't try to push it on me
Me: Don't pretend that this is anything more than you not wanting me to talk to the enemy.
Me: I can see what's going on. I'm not stupid.
Me: Like I said. If you don't want me being nice to her. Don't bring me. I'm not a mean person to people.
Her: Being cordial is fine, but when I am knocking myself out to help contribute I would expect you to help me out as well. We didn't put in anything for yesterday like my sibling did...it would have been nice for you to have notice that I wasn't there and see what was going on.
Me: Well, how about instead of stewing in the house about what I'm doing, how about you ask me? I didn't notice. So why don't you help me notice?
Me: That's an easy solution to avoid days of anger.
Me: I'm sorry, but you can't be pissed off if you don't request my help.
Me: You KNOW I would have jumped up and helped if you asked. So don't try to make it look like I purposely snubbed you. That's bull ****.
her: I don't want to bark orders! I want you to have foresight and be thoughtful!
Me: You don't have to bark orders. You only have to ASK! Besides, I have both and you know it.
Her: If you have both; why did you think that I wasn't around after I finished dinner last night?
Me: See! This argument is bull ****! You pretend it's all about me not paying attention to the fact that it didn't help you with dishes, but when I asked you "how did the picture turn out", you said "maybe if you were around to see…". It's clear as day you were pissed off at me before dinner even started and that this is really about me talking to the enemy. I'm done with this argument based off untruths."
Her: **** you weren't interested in the picture; you always come to see my pictures and then take my camera and to take your own.
Me: ******, I'm done with this fight. I wasn't ignoring you. Okay. I'm done.
Her: Done with what? The argument or the marriage?
Me: The argument!
Me: We're not connected at the hip. I don't have to follow you around your family's house. I was to understand we were free to roam and speak to whoever we wish. Is that not true?
Me: By the way, that's a low blow. I'm not talking about the marriage
Her: Well that's how I am reading your texts; you're just mean
Me: That's why I'm done. You're being so unbelievably manipulative, I don't even recognize you.
Me: Besides, you pull that card every time I defend myself. I'm mean.
Me: That called manipulation
Her: You're so clueless and it drives me crazy...then we get into a fight and you spin it around and get super harsh which is totally uncalled for
Me: That's a mean thing to say. You were mean to me the entire afternoon because you didn't simply ask for my help.
Me: This is how I am. You and I need to sit down face to face and have an understanding, because this is how the rest of our lives will be if we don't understand each other.
Her: I called and asked if I could bring you food
Me: I respond through speech. If I don't get that or don't year hear that, I cannot respond.
Me: So when we are together and awake next, we need to talk about how to avoid these little issues in the future.
Me: Bad communication or no communication is bad for the marriage.
Her: It is bad for the marriage
Her: Going forward, if you notice that something's off...ask me
Me: I'll do that.
Me: Please understand that I don't mean to ignore you. If you need me to help you and you see that I'm not paying attention to what you're doing, you have to come ask me. I'm not that aware of what's going in a room that I'm not in. You have to come ask me face to face, or at least see that I've acknowledged you when you call. It's not fair to put all of the blame on me when I didn't hear you.
Me: I wasn't even aware that I was doing anything wrong when I was talking with your family. If you need me to help you, please get my attention and ask.
Her:: Okay
Her: I love you
Me: I love you too
Me: I think it might be a good idea if we find someone for newly we'd couples who can teach us about how to communicate better.
Me: Cause men and women communicate way different than one another. And I'd like to work out a way to avoid fights based off ill communication.
TEXT TRANSCRIPT----
Me: I love you
Her: I love you too but I didn't appreciate being blown off last night so you could fraternize with ****
Me: You weren't blown off. I was being sociable. Sorry
Me: If you don't like me talking to your brother and his gf, like everyone else, don't bring me.
Her: While I was doing all of the dishes by myself
Me: Your choice. You were throwing a fit
Her: I was not throwing a fit
Her: But it's frustrating to have Michelle's boyfriend come in and help when it should have been you
Me: Everybody was socializing. Don't try to push it on me
Me: Don't pretend that this is anything more than you not wanting me to talk to the enemy.
Me: I can see what's going on. I'm not stupid.
Me: Like I said. If you don't want me being nice to her. Don't bring me. I'm not a mean person to people.
Her: Being cordial is fine, but when I am knocking myself out to help contribute I would expect you to help me out as well. We didn't put in anything for yesterday like my sibling did...it would have been nice for you to have notice that I wasn't there and see what was going on.
Me: Well, how about instead of stewing in the house about what I'm doing, how about you ask me? I didn't notice. So why don't you help me notice?
Me: That's an easy solution to avoid days of anger.
Me: I'm sorry, but you can't be pissed off if you don't request my help.
Me: You KNOW I would have jumped up and helped if you asked. So don't try to make it look like I purposely snubbed you. That's bull ****.
her: I don't want to bark orders! I want you to have foresight and be thoughtful!
Me: You don't have to bark orders. You only have to ASK! Besides, I have both and you know it.
Her: If you have both; why did you think that I wasn't around after I finished dinner last night?
Me: See! This argument is bull ****! You pretend it's all about me not paying attention to the fact that it didn't help you with dishes, but when I asked you "how did the picture turn out", you said "maybe if you were around to see…". It's clear as day you were pissed off at me before dinner even started and that this is really about me talking to the enemy. I'm done with this argument based off untruths."
Her: **** you weren't interested in the picture; you always come to see my pictures and then take my camera and to take your own.
Me: ******, I'm done with this fight. I wasn't ignoring you. Okay. I'm done.
Her: Done with what? The argument or the marriage?
Me: The argument!
Me: We're not connected at the hip. I don't have to follow you around your family's house. I was to understand we were free to roam and speak to whoever we wish. Is that not true?
Me: By the way, that's a low blow. I'm not talking about the marriage
Her: Well that's how I am reading your texts; you're just mean
Me: That's why I'm done. You're being so unbelievably manipulative, I don't even recognize you.
Me: Besides, you pull that card every time I defend myself. I'm mean.
Me: That called manipulation
Her: You're so clueless and it drives me crazy...then we get into a fight and you spin it around and get super harsh which is totally uncalled for
Me: That's a mean thing to say. You were mean to me the entire afternoon because you didn't simply ask for my help.
Me: This is how I am. You and I need to sit down face to face and have an understanding, because this is how the rest of our lives will be if we don't understand each other.
Her: I called and asked if I could bring you food
Me: I respond through speech. If I don't get that or don't year hear that, I cannot respond.
Me: So when we are together and awake next, we need to talk about how to avoid these little issues in the future.
Me: Bad communication or no communication is bad for the marriage.
Her: It is bad for the marriage
Her: Going forward, if you notice that something's off...ask me
Me: I'll do that.
Me: Please understand that I don't mean to ignore you. If you need me to help you and you see that I'm not paying attention to what you're doing, you have to come ask me. I'm not that aware of what's going in a room that I'm not in. You have to come ask me face to face, or at least see that I've acknowledged you when you call. It's not fair to put all of the blame on me when I didn't hear you.
Me: I wasn't even aware that I was doing anything wrong when I was talking with your family. If you need me to help you, please get my attention and ask.
Her:: Okay
Her: I love you
Me: I love you too
Me: I think it might be a good idea if we find someone for newly we'd couples who can teach us about how to communicate better.
Me: Cause men and women communicate way different than one another. And I'd like to work out a way to avoid fights based off ill communication.
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