Hello all,
I don't even know where to begin. I'll start off by saying that I'm a wreck.
Background:
Me: 32yr old white male. Raised from a poor family, dad was a drunk and mom was simply crazy.
Wife: 33yr old Egyptian / Hispanic female. Parents are very cold. Stone cold. I have not seen either of them hug or kiss eachother in the nearly 20 years that I have known them. Wife had a real screwed up childhood as well. Family had money and were doing ok.
Child: 5 years old.
Sexual history: We are the only sex partners that either of us have had.
We were eachothers first everything from kissing to sex and sexual relations. This is no joke.
Wife has low self-esteem issues, was very jealous, etc. I developed the same issues later on in the relationship. She blames it on me, yet the problem existed while we were dating. Never thought much of it.
We started dating when we were 15 and 16, married at 18 and 19. Purchased our first home 3 hours prior to getting married at the local courthouse.
Something brought us together, madly in love, married, got a house, on our feet and started with literally nothing. Turned a crappy house into the best one on the block, sold it about 9 months ago. Made a good profit and purchased a home 3x the size of the original.
Now to the nitty gritty:
Shortly after we got married things were great. Sex was 3-4x / week, we got along great. We were happy to be around each other, missed each other while at work and looked forward to seeing one another at the end of the day.
Approximately 1-1.5yrs in the marriage the sex literally dove off of a cliff. She had NO interest what so ever. I tried, begged, pleaded, you name it. Even mentioning the word "sex" would send her into a rage, a wild rage.
There was very little physical touching: hugging, some kissing here adn there, we held hands when we went out, that was about it. I always told her she was beautiful, and tried to make her feel like a goddess. She dresses VERY conservative
I always initiated sex from day one, she never once did. The excuses ran out eventually. Headache, tired, back hurts, period, i dont like it with the lights on, I'm not wet, the neighbor's dog died, my mother is on her period, etc. You get the idea. It was anything. I eventually started poking at "what is the excuse going to be tonight?".
We would argue about sex all the time. All of my advances were rejected. I never put on weight, kept in shape, worked my A__ off while she finished up her 4 year and went back to school again to get a 2 year in another field.
The rejection deep down was killing me. I felt like a caged animal, literally screaming and bursting at the seams for sex. I was in my early 20's and miserable. I hid my emotions with anger. We fought more.
I begged for marriage counseling. She says she will not go and will not talk to a stranger about anything.
I came really close to divorcing about 5 years into the marriage. I backed out as I am a man of my word. I made a promise to this woman when we took our marriage vows. I intend to keep them. I begged her to go to the dr and investigate why there was such a low sex drive. She went and gt some sort of cream. It helped but things went right back to normal.
In the mean time rejections continue, no physical contact and I'm getting shoved away when I try to love on her. I hang in there like a good man is supposed to do.
This begins to beat my self-esteem down. Really, really bad. Looking back now it has nearly destroyed me. I began to question if there was anything going on that I should know about. Asked her if she loved me. I asked these questions quite frequently. Especially when she kept rejecting me for sex or any type of contact / sexual relations.
I then felt like the problem was me. She was rejecting me because something must be wrong with ME. I went crazy. I took over the cooking, cleaning the house, cleaning the cars, fixing everything. You name it I did it. She only wanted to to the laundry. I tried to create a perfect world. We are both busting butt at work and her at school and work. I made dam sure she needed or wanted nothing. Dinner ready at night, drink poured in the fridge and everything in it's spot.
In my eyes, she could get home and see a beautiful home, everything looks good, and she does not have to worry about a thing.
Things turned around a bit, sex picked up some for a little while, we had a child. After the child things slipped back to the way they once were, but worse.
We argued like hell over sex. Always rejecting me, etc. I was a real jerk about it and am hiding my emotional disaster.
I focus 99.99% of my energy on our child. We have a very strong bond, are ALWAYS together and when I'm not at work, we are either playing outside, riding bikes, playing trucks, you name it. He is my life.
Wife started a very high paying job about 4 years ago, it has consumed her life. We never see each other, when we do she is tired and is *****y. I am mister mom. Take the kiddo to/from school, get them ready for school, make lunches, breakfast, pick up from school, doctors, you name it.
Sex continues to be a fight and I continue to ask if there is anything going on, whats the deal, etc. I'm losing it inside but I let it go.
An incident occurred about 6 weeks ago and she blew up. I questioned something and that was it. She told me she does not love me and has had enough of me "accusing her of being a *****." I have never once said or directly said she was cheating. I ALWAYS asked if anyone else was involved, why are you rejecting me all the time, do you even love me, etc. Why don't you show me affection, hugs, etc. Always an argument. I eventually also stopped showing affection at some point because I was never getting anything in return. Keep in mind I love to be loved and love to love.
Understand that I am leaving a LOT out, but that is the basic run-down of this. I am a very conservative, family oriented guy and am doing everything I can to try to keep our family together. She has made it clear she would rather live alone than live here just to keep us happy.
She wants her space, wants to be free, etc. I have done a 180..not mentioned sex, nothing.
Our child and I have been busy on th eweekends...leaving her to her "space." That is not good enough either apparently.
When I do try to show affection (have tried for a few weeks) it is 'smothering'...when I ignore her I'm being a jerk and when I'm in the middle of the road it feels weird to her.
We both grew up WAY too fast, never lived. It was turn 18/19, get married, start careers and hit the ground running.
I went to marriage counseling on my own this time. BEGGED her to go and got the big F you again.
Never tried to make her feel bad and always viewed her as our shining star. She makes the comment that I am jealous because she is successful and makes more money than me. And that is just too bad because she has her sights set high at work.
Now I feel like I have been sh*t on, used, rejected and a worthless piece of garbage. Says she feels the same way. I beg to go to conseling and she blows me off.
I am a wreck. An absolute wreck. I have apologized for the past, cannot change it and can only start with a clean slate for the future. She now is harping on the past and sees no fault on her side. You cannot start the car without the key...it takes both for it to work...marriage, arguments, etc.
i am at a loss and am really in the sh***er here. She is all I know, my self esteem is in the gutter from the years of rejection and don't want to lose our family, especially for our child.
If she gets her "space" or whatever she wants...shes in the mind frame that one of the guys from work could sweet talk her and have her in the sack in no time. That's how I feel. She works with a lot of good looking men and women, some of the men are quite wealthy, etc. I never feel good enough for her and her actions make me feel this way.
Friends/family are telling me to bail as this is destroying me emotionally and move on. I am financially trapped due to my job. I took a lower paying job so she could excel at her career and I could care for the family. The roles are reversed.
And at 33....there are no decent women that haven't been ran through by 30-40 different men or have 3+ kids. I feel like if we split, my chances of finding someone decent are slim to none. Just the thought of having sex with a woman that has been with a few other men makes me a bit uncomfortable.
I do not believe my wife has had an affair...there is no evidence anywhere. I have 2 people at her work that have eyes on her and there is nothing there. No abnormal phone calls, no nothing. If there is anything, it has to be emotional or the beginning stages of something...maybe her eye on someone.
She claims she has no sexual desire for anyone..even when the good looking / wealthy guys come in and other women are panting over them...she says she feels nothing.
i am losing it here. :-(
Edit:
I must add when we would have sex, after me either begging or arguing for it..I would finish so fast (because it had been so long) i would feel so completely worthless and ashamed. She would literally kick me off of her and I went to the bathroom and did all that I could to hold back the tears. She says she was fine with it because she didn't want it anyways. I always made SURE she got her O, by either rubbing one out for her or be penetrating her, rubbing one out and sending it home while I'm O'ing at the same time.
I can't take much more.
I don't even know where to begin. I'll start off by saying that I'm a wreck.
Background:
Me: 32yr old white male. Raised from a poor family, dad was a drunk and mom was simply crazy.
Wife: 33yr old Egyptian / Hispanic female. Parents are very cold. Stone cold. I have not seen either of them hug or kiss eachother in the nearly 20 years that I have known them. Wife had a real screwed up childhood as well. Family had money and were doing ok.
Child: 5 years old.
Sexual history: We are the only sex partners that either of us have had.
We were eachothers first everything from kissing to sex and sexual relations. This is no joke.
Wife has low self-esteem issues, was very jealous, etc. I developed the same issues later on in the relationship. She blames it on me, yet the problem existed while we were dating. Never thought much of it.
We started dating when we were 15 and 16, married at 18 and 19. Purchased our first home 3 hours prior to getting married at the local courthouse.
Something brought us together, madly in love, married, got a house, on our feet and started with literally nothing. Turned a crappy house into the best one on the block, sold it about 9 months ago. Made a good profit and purchased a home 3x the size of the original.
Now to the nitty gritty:
Shortly after we got married things were great. Sex was 3-4x / week, we got along great. We were happy to be around each other, missed each other while at work and looked forward to seeing one another at the end of the day.
Approximately 1-1.5yrs in the marriage the sex literally dove off of a cliff. She had NO interest what so ever. I tried, begged, pleaded, you name it. Even mentioning the word "sex" would send her into a rage, a wild rage.
There was very little physical touching: hugging, some kissing here adn there, we held hands when we went out, that was about it. I always told her she was beautiful, and tried to make her feel like a goddess. She dresses VERY conservative
I always initiated sex from day one, she never once did. The excuses ran out eventually. Headache, tired, back hurts, period, i dont like it with the lights on, I'm not wet, the neighbor's dog died, my mother is on her period, etc. You get the idea. It was anything. I eventually started poking at "what is the excuse going to be tonight?".
We would argue about sex all the time. All of my advances were rejected. I never put on weight, kept in shape, worked my A__ off while she finished up her 4 year and went back to school again to get a 2 year in another field.
The rejection deep down was killing me. I felt like a caged animal, literally screaming and bursting at the seams for sex. I was in my early 20's and miserable. I hid my emotions with anger. We fought more.
I begged for marriage counseling. She says she will not go and will not talk to a stranger about anything.
I came really close to divorcing about 5 years into the marriage. I backed out as I am a man of my word. I made a promise to this woman when we took our marriage vows. I intend to keep them. I begged her to go to the dr and investigate why there was such a low sex drive. She went and gt some sort of cream. It helped but things went right back to normal.
In the mean time rejections continue, no physical contact and I'm getting shoved away when I try to love on her. I hang in there like a good man is supposed to do.
This begins to beat my self-esteem down. Really, really bad. Looking back now it has nearly destroyed me. I began to question if there was anything going on that I should know about. Asked her if she loved me. I asked these questions quite frequently. Especially when she kept rejecting me for sex or any type of contact / sexual relations.
I then felt like the problem was me. She was rejecting me because something must be wrong with ME. I went crazy. I took over the cooking, cleaning the house, cleaning the cars, fixing everything. You name it I did it. She only wanted to to the laundry. I tried to create a perfect world. We are both busting butt at work and her at school and work. I made dam sure she needed or wanted nothing. Dinner ready at night, drink poured in the fridge and everything in it's spot.
In my eyes, she could get home and see a beautiful home, everything looks good, and she does not have to worry about a thing.
Things turned around a bit, sex picked up some for a little while, we had a child. After the child things slipped back to the way they once were, but worse.
We argued like hell over sex. Always rejecting me, etc. I was a real jerk about it and am hiding my emotional disaster.
I focus 99.99% of my energy on our child. We have a very strong bond, are ALWAYS together and when I'm not at work, we are either playing outside, riding bikes, playing trucks, you name it. He is my life.
Wife started a very high paying job about 4 years ago, it has consumed her life. We never see each other, when we do she is tired and is *****y. I am mister mom. Take the kiddo to/from school, get them ready for school, make lunches, breakfast, pick up from school, doctors, you name it.
Sex continues to be a fight and I continue to ask if there is anything going on, whats the deal, etc. I'm losing it inside but I let it go.
An incident occurred about 6 weeks ago and she blew up. I questioned something and that was it. She told me she does not love me and has had enough of me "accusing her of being a *****." I have never once said or directly said she was cheating. I ALWAYS asked if anyone else was involved, why are you rejecting me all the time, do you even love me, etc. Why don't you show me affection, hugs, etc. Always an argument. I eventually also stopped showing affection at some point because I was never getting anything in return. Keep in mind I love to be loved and love to love.
Understand that I am leaving a LOT out, but that is the basic run-down of this. I am a very conservative, family oriented guy and am doing everything I can to try to keep our family together. She has made it clear she would rather live alone than live here just to keep us happy.
She wants her space, wants to be free, etc. I have done a 180..not mentioned sex, nothing.
Our child and I have been busy on th eweekends...leaving her to her "space." That is not good enough either apparently.
When I do try to show affection (have tried for a few weeks) it is 'smothering'...when I ignore her I'm being a jerk and when I'm in the middle of the road it feels weird to her.
We both grew up WAY too fast, never lived. It was turn 18/19, get married, start careers and hit the ground running.
I went to marriage counseling on my own this time. BEGGED her to go and got the big F you again.
Never tried to make her feel bad and always viewed her as our shining star. She makes the comment that I am jealous because she is successful and makes more money than me. And that is just too bad because she has her sights set high at work.
Now I feel like I have been sh*t on, used, rejected and a worthless piece of garbage. Says she feels the same way. I beg to go to conseling and she blows me off.
I am a wreck. An absolute wreck. I have apologized for the past, cannot change it and can only start with a clean slate for the future. She now is harping on the past and sees no fault on her side. You cannot start the car without the key...it takes both for it to work...marriage, arguments, etc.
i am at a loss and am really in the sh***er here. She is all I know, my self esteem is in the gutter from the years of rejection and don't want to lose our family, especially for our child.
If she gets her "space" or whatever she wants...shes in the mind frame that one of the guys from work could sweet talk her and have her in the sack in no time. That's how I feel. She works with a lot of good looking men and women, some of the men are quite wealthy, etc. I never feel good enough for her and her actions make me feel this way.
Friends/family are telling me to bail as this is destroying me emotionally and move on. I am financially trapped due to my job. I took a lower paying job so she could excel at her career and I could care for the family. The roles are reversed.
And at 33....there are no decent women that haven't been ran through by 30-40 different men or have 3+ kids. I feel like if we split, my chances of finding someone decent are slim to none. Just the thought of having sex with a woman that has been with a few other men makes me a bit uncomfortable.
I do not believe my wife has had an affair...there is no evidence anywhere. I have 2 people at her work that have eyes on her and there is nothing there. No abnormal phone calls, no nothing. If there is anything, it has to be emotional or the beginning stages of something...maybe her eye on someone.
She claims she has no sexual desire for anyone..even when the good looking / wealthy guys come in and other women are panting over them...she says she feels nothing.
i am losing it here. :-(
Edit:
I must add when we would have sex, after me either begging or arguing for it..I would finish so fast (because it had been so long) i would feel so completely worthless and ashamed. She would literally kick me off of her and I went to the bathroom and did all that I could to hold back the tears. She says she was fine with it because she didn't want it anyways. I always made SURE she got her O, by either rubbing one out for her or be penetrating her, rubbing one out and sending it home while I'm O'ing at the same time.
I can't take much more.
Put the internet to work for you.
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