I'm a 19 year old gay guy, and a second year student nurse. I love my job (I have to work for free in a hospital), and I'm starting a paid part-time job soon, as well as keeping going with this. I only have a couple of friends and they don't feel like enough. I used to have (and still do to a smaller extent, but it's still there), a drinking problem over the last two years which is still very hard for me to control (I'd never drink the night before going to work though).
I've had a lot of friends with benefits in the last two years who I'd go hang out with at their places, and go to bars and clubs with. I don't see them any more because they got fed-up with me working so much and being tired some of the time, as well as (probably) whatever other reasons that I don't know. They told me I was hot, smart, funny, a nice person, etc, but now they've all moved onto other guys. I've had sex with people who I'm not friends with (one-night stands, a few 'buddies' without being friends, etc), for satisfaction and to feel like people want me.
I'm sick of feeling over-worked, lonely and a loser. I haven't gone out at night for a couple of months, because the couple of friends I have don't like doing stuff like that. I feel like nobody understands me (yes, that old card), and that nobody really wants to know me. When I'm not at work, it always hurts; it drives me crazy. I cry, I have angry outbursts, I resent myself. I feel like I've messed up my life completely and I don't know what to do. The societies at my university are either total crap or non-existent, and the teaching staff are mostly rude and unhelpful.
I don't know what I hope to gain by posting, but I wanted to let it out. Thanks to whoever read this.
Put the internet to work for you.
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