I don't really know where to begin here. Just feels good to put something down in writing.
To do a quick re-cap, come this July we will have been married for 4 years. We have two daughters ages 2 & 4. She is definitely the more "alpha" type and I being the more "beta" type. There isn't any financial stress's and we own the home of our dreams.
Essentially my understanding is she is frustrated with my lack of intimacy as well as "engaging" in conversations. Her background is comes from a large family that like to talk about everything. My background is an only child with relatively quiet meals.
I did some posting about a year ago with me being the LD husband along with some other issues. Things got better and well now we are back to square one, this time with her mentioning the "D" word. Now I've gone to the doctor and had my "T" levels checked which were on the very low end of normal. I tried patches to no avail and then he had me get an MRI to check my pituitary gland. That recently just came back normal. So my going "soft" would probably have to do with performance anxiety (which until this recent bout I thought I had under control). The whole, don't go soft or your losing your family is a very tough one to overcome. As for my LD well I'm getting blood tests done again and this time instead of ****ing around I'm asking for some testosterone shots. She just wants a good **** and god damn I want to be able to give it to her.
Needless to say I got some work to do on this end. It's a strange battle make and effort and go soft or don't make and effort and piss off wife.
Anyway, this isn't the be all and end all of it; apparently it was just the final nail in the coffin as she says. I don't argue much and in our whole relationship have really only put up a fight about one item. I hate it when she's pissed and routinely back down from engagement.
As far as house chores go, she does most of them (cooking and cleaning). I'll help but more often than not she tells me I'll do them wrong/incorrectly so it's better for her to do them. I'm also not as quick as her. As for the kids, I'd say we are pretty even. Again she being more efficient than me, but we both bathe them, read to them, feed them, change them, put them to bed, play with them etc…..
She gets really stressed with her job as well. Hate's it even but won't quit because the benefits that it provides are good for the kids. Essentially because she is so efficient/quick she keeps on getting moved around to start a new program then they bring in someone else to use her work and make her start from scratch. This seems to have been going on for three years. None the less she is quite depressed about this. When she gets depressed/anxious she eats, when I get depressed/anxious I avoid eating all together. This doesn't help either.
I've contacted a counsellor to talk about myself and hopefully maybe put some of my anxieties / nervous tendencies to bed and to become a more confident person as a whole. Also talked to a marriage counsellor but don't think we can go that route until we do our individual ones. She went to a therapist the other day because of depression. They essentially told her to get her depression and anxiety in check before making such a big decision as "Divorce". That kind of pissed her off as it was seen as again, someone taking my side. She HATES how everyone seems to take my side and how she always seems to be labeled as the big bad wife. Heck even when we were dating and she dumped me for a brief period her family phoned me and not her to ask if I was ok.
If I was to look at my ideal it would be:
Myself: get more confident about myself, get rid of my nervous/anxious tendencies. If I can get those items under control I figure the LD/intimate part can be repaired and I'll have a bit more backbone to stand up and say something I normally wouldn't.
Her: Stop being so angry all the time. Some examples are: The way I push a grocery cart, the way I make beds (pillows aren't in the correct place), how slow I am at tasks (to be fair to me I find most people would have a hard time keeping up with my wife) etc.…
Look my wife has one of the biggest hearts I know and will bend over backwards to help those that she cares about. She is also one of those "super" moms where people wonder how she's able to do so much. I still love my wife but I fear she has checked out emotionally. Especially when she tells me that sometimes just looking at me wants to make her scream!! I know I've got work to do on myself but I just hope it's not too little, too late.
Thanks for taking the time to read...
To do a quick re-cap, come this July we will have been married for 4 years. We have two daughters ages 2 & 4. She is definitely the more "alpha" type and I being the more "beta" type. There isn't any financial stress's and we own the home of our dreams.
Essentially my understanding is she is frustrated with my lack of intimacy as well as "engaging" in conversations. Her background is comes from a large family that like to talk about everything. My background is an only child with relatively quiet meals.
I did some posting about a year ago with me being the LD husband along with some other issues. Things got better and well now we are back to square one, this time with her mentioning the "D" word. Now I've gone to the doctor and had my "T" levels checked which were on the very low end of normal. I tried patches to no avail and then he had me get an MRI to check my pituitary gland. That recently just came back normal. So my going "soft" would probably have to do with performance anxiety (which until this recent bout I thought I had under control). The whole, don't go soft or your losing your family is a very tough one to overcome. As for my LD well I'm getting blood tests done again and this time instead of ****ing around I'm asking for some testosterone shots. She just wants a good **** and god damn I want to be able to give it to her.
Needless to say I got some work to do on this end. It's a strange battle make and effort and go soft or don't make and effort and piss off wife.
Anyway, this isn't the be all and end all of it; apparently it was just the final nail in the coffin as she says. I don't argue much and in our whole relationship have really only put up a fight about one item. I hate it when she's pissed and routinely back down from engagement.
As far as house chores go, she does most of them (cooking and cleaning). I'll help but more often than not she tells me I'll do them wrong/incorrectly so it's better for her to do them. I'm also not as quick as her. As for the kids, I'd say we are pretty even. Again she being more efficient than me, but we both bathe them, read to them, feed them, change them, put them to bed, play with them etc…..
She gets really stressed with her job as well. Hate's it even but won't quit because the benefits that it provides are good for the kids. Essentially because she is so efficient/quick she keeps on getting moved around to start a new program then they bring in someone else to use her work and make her start from scratch. This seems to have been going on for three years. None the less she is quite depressed about this. When she gets depressed/anxious she eats, when I get depressed/anxious I avoid eating all together. This doesn't help either.
I've contacted a counsellor to talk about myself and hopefully maybe put some of my anxieties / nervous tendencies to bed and to become a more confident person as a whole. Also talked to a marriage counsellor but don't think we can go that route until we do our individual ones. She went to a therapist the other day because of depression. They essentially told her to get her depression and anxiety in check before making such a big decision as "Divorce". That kind of pissed her off as it was seen as again, someone taking my side. She HATES how everyone seems to take my side and how she always seems to be labeled as the big bad wife. Heck even when we were dating and she dumped me for a brief period her family phoned me and not her to ask if I was ok.
If I was to look at my ideal it would be:
Myself: get more confident about myself, get rid of my nervous/anxious tendencies. If I can get those items under control I figure the LD/intimate part can be repaired and I'll have a bit more backbone to stand up and say something I normally wouldn't.
Her: Stop being so angry all the time. Some examples are: The way I push a grocery cart, the way I make beds (pillows aren't in the correct place), how slow I am at tasks (to be fair to me I find most people would have a hard time keeping up with my wife) etc.…
Look my wife has one of the biggest hearts I know and will bend over backwards to help those that she cares about. She is also one of those "super" moms where people wonder how she's able to do so much. I still love my wife but I fear she has checked out emotionally. Especially when she tells me that sometimes just looking at me wants to make her scream!! I know I've got work to do on myself but I just hope it's not too little, too late.
Thanks for taking the time to read...
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