This is really long and not really about asking for help, I just want to bear my soul.
It started more than 15yrs ago, I did as we all do, I met a girl who I liked and she liked me, we went on a few dates and when I asked her out and wanted to become exclusive she hesitated but turned me down, cue much sadness as we were good and close friends from the outset for a couple of years.
Fast forward a month and for some reason her older sister became interested in me, not looking for anything much serious I just went along for the ride and the sex, I know, shallow. The girl was actually very upset that I was now dating her sister but I didn't care at that point as she had her chance and blew it.
Jump another 5 or 6 months and I was actually tiring of my relationship and my many discussions about how things were going for me in it were falling on deaf ears, she had no interest in what I had to say and it was how she wanted or cue A-hole mode for the rest of the day/week/month, I had no intention of doing anything other than seeing how things went and it was after her ruining Valentines day for me that I decided that I would giver her until Easter to work out if this was working or not.
Bombshell time, end of Feb she announced that she had become pregnant even though on birth control, instant horror inside and then a massive soul search for a week as I didn't want to have kids yet and certainly not at a point in a relationship where I was thinking it was time to move on.
I tried several times to talk to her in a rational and reasonable manner about what the future held and that perhaps we were better in the long run not to have a baby together, that was met with extreme anger that I could even consider her having an abortion, yes I did actually think it was best solution given the circumstances.
Now a bit of back ground, I come from a broken home, my parents had a very violent and destructive marriage, there was infidelity on both sides and my parents were both the OM and OW until they got caught and set up home, my father was a serial adulterer and had many OW over the years they were together and after their separation my mother preferred the FWB situation as she didn't want a full on relationship but needed comfort, just a shame the FWB just happened to be married also, but there you go.
So I know what broken homes are like and was torn to pieces about having a child and only being a part time parent, I sought advice from siblings, who told me I should stay and work things out for the child, I consulted my friends who did the same and made me feel as though I was a fool to even consider bailing when she was pregnant and that I should be the happiest man alive about to be a father.
The whole time the younger sister is there in the background, we had a good friendship and shared many of our more private thoughts, she actually told me that I should do what I thought was the right thing, whether it was staying with her sister or leaving and becoming the part time parent it didn't matter as long as I was happy.
I went along with the whole give it your best and make it work philosophy, I took up hobbies and tried to be a good father and SO, but the only way I could actually make anything work was to take a position in a company that saw me working away from home as a traveling machine driver, that way I was all that I needed to be but for only one and a half days in the week, at first it was the answer to my prayers, I could do this, it was easy, three or four texts a day and 15mins on the phone at night, happy me, or so I thought, we carried on like this for around 4yrs, I was good and faithful and never strayed up until a point.
The point in time I am referring to is when my SO decided to take up the same hobby as her younger sister, horses, so she bought a horse but she was too lazy to muck out the stables and do the things properly and put it on her sister to do it in the week and then lumbered me with it at the weekends, and that was when it went wrong in my head, I was then spending a lot of time with the younger sister, we reminisced about our friendship through the years and laughed heartily at some of the things we did together as friends.
I got lost, I mean, really lost as I was not 100% happy at home and used work to escape and suddenly I am rekindling that friendship though not exactly by choice but because I had to do chores to keep SO happy and off my case, those feeling I had years before were coming back as the weeks passed and I actually began to look forward to the weekends, spending time with the younger sister working at the stable yard and having a laugh.
On numerous occasions we were accused of having an affair, but at that point we were not and although we had entered a very much unknown EA with each other we were young and thought affairs were only such if sex was involved, how little did we know, I was having real troubles and found myself becoming depressed by the situation, I started losing weight with the new stress, and it was all in my head, I tried my hardest not to think about her and just concentrated on my family but we were thrust together so often and certainly not by our own choices as, once we had discovered that there was a problem we did our best to avoid each other for a while.
The thrusting of me and the younger sister came almost from the outset, you see, my then SO did not want to eat in public, she would never attend work functions or dinners, going out partying or clubbing was totally out of the question and she would always send her younger sister with me, my work colleagues were stunned that I was sent out with another woman on my arm for a night of drinking and eating, this was an enormous problem later on as the younger sister did virtually replace my SO as she spent so much time with me and doing stuff that we both liked to do, it was all too easy for us to form attachments to each other.
I was having a real hard time one week and got drunk with some pals in a pub, I was chatting to a girl about her broken down car and offered to help her by fixing it as a charity gift, well I had my first taste of a woman who was not my SO nor her sister, I was still a bit tipsy from the night before and so was she, it was me ringing the doorbell and her answering in her PJs, her putting kettle on me flirting and then before the kettle had boiled I was having sex with her on her kitchen table, her name was Angela, she was my first affair, the only one I care to remember, it was my relationship with her that stopped me ruining my family at that point, but she tired of being the OW and we parted on good terms, but I was hungry, I was hungry for a means of stopping my wanton desire for the younger sister, and so spawned more than 80 new affairs, ONSs FWB the list went on, and for more than a year I was practically screwing anything with a pulse.
I had a mini melt down, all week long I would be screwing other women and I had to stop as I was getting uncontrollable urges with women too close to home, I stopped, I played happy families and get over myself for a few months, right up until SOs younger sister had a fight with her parents and ended up moving in with us, really bad news that, and so comes a second part to my story, it's late and I have work in the morning, feel free to judge me but there is a lot more to come.
It started more than 15yrs ago, I did as we all do, I met a girl who I liked and she liked me, we went on a few dates and when I asked her out and wanted to become exclusive she hesitated but turned me down, cue much sadness as we were good and close friends from the outset for a couple of years.
Fast forward a month and for some reason her older sister became interested in me, not looking for anything much serious I just went along for the ride and the sex, I know, shallow. The girl was actually very upset that I was now dating her sister but I didn't care at that point as she had her chance and blew it.
Jump another 5 or 6 months and I was actually tiring of my relationship and my many discussions about how things were going for me in it were falling on deaf ears, she had no interest in what I had to say and it was how she wanted or cue A-hole mode for the rest of the day/week/month, I had no intention of doing anything other than seeing how things went and it was after her ruining Valentines day for me that I decided that I would giver her until Easter to work out if this was working or not.
Bombshell time, end of Feb she announced that she had become pregnant even though on birth control, instant horror inside and then a massive soul search for a week as I didn't want to have kids yet and certainly not at a point in a relationship where I was thinking it was time to move on.
I tried several times to talk to her in a rational and reasonable manner about what the future held and that perhaps we were better in the long run not to have a baby together, that was met with extreme anger that I could even consider her having an abortion, yes I did actually think it was best solution given the circumstances.
Now a bit of back ground, I come from a broken home, my parents had a very violent and destructive marriage, there was infidelity on both sides and my parents were both the OM and OW until they got caught and set up home, my father was a serial adulterer and had many OW over the years they were together and after their separation my mother preferred the FWB situation as she didn't want a full on relationship but needed comfort, just a shame the FWB just happened to be married also, but there you go.
So I know what broken homes are like and was torn to pieces about having a child and only being a part time parent, I sought advice from siblings, who told me I should stay and work things out for the child, I consulted my friends who did the same and made me feel as though I was a fool to even consider bailing when she was pregnant and that I should be the happiest man alive about to be a father.
The whole time the younger sister is there in the background, we had a good friendship and shared many of our more private thoughts, she actually told me that I should do what I thought was the right thing, whether it was staying with her sister or leaving and becoming the part time parent it didn't matter as long as I was happy.
I went along with the whole give it your best and make it work philosophy, I took up hobbies and tried to be a good father and SO, but the only way I could actually make anything work was to take a position in a company that saw me working away from home as a traveling machine driver, that way I was all that I needed to be but for only one and a half days in the week, at first it was the answer to my prayers, I could do this, it was easy, three or four texts a day and 15mins on the phone at night, happy me, or so I thought, we carried on like this for around 4yrs, I was good and faithful and never strayed up until a point.
The point in time I am referring to is when my SO decided to take up the same hobby as her younger sister, horses, so she bought a horse but she was too lazy to muck out the stables and do the things properly and put it on her sister to do it in the week and then lumbered me with it at the weekends, and that was when it went wrong in my head, I was then spending a lot of time with the younger sister, we reminisced about our friendship through the years and laughed heartily at some of the things we did together as friends.
I got lost, I mean, really lost as I was not 100% happy at home and used work to escape and suddenly I am rekindling that friendship though not exactly by choice but because I had to do chores to keep SO happy and off my case, those feeling I had years before were coming back as the weeks passed and I actually began to look forward to the weekends, spending time with the younger sister working at the stable yard and having a laugh.
On numerous occasions we were accused of having an affair, but at that point we were not and although we had entered a very much unknown EA with each other we were young and thought affairs were only such if sex was involved, how little did we know, I was having real troubles and found myself becoming depressed by the situation, I started losing weight with the new stress, and it was all in my head, I tried my hardest not to think about her and just concentrated on my family but we were thrust together so often and certainly not by our own choices as, once we had discovered that there was a problem we did our best to avoid each other for a while.
The thrusting of me and the younger sister came almost from the outset, you see, my then SO did not want to eat in public, she would never attend work functions or dinners, going out partying or clubbing was totally out of the question and she would always send her younger sister with me, my work colleagues were stunned that I was sent out with another woman on my arm for a night of drinking and eating, this was an enormous problem later on as the younger sister did virtually replace my SO as she spent so much time with me and doing stuff that we both liked to do, it was all too easy for us to form attachments to each other.
I was having a real hard time one week and got drunk with some pals in a pub, I was chatting to a girl about her broken down car and offered to help her by fixing it as a charity gift, well I had my first taste of a woman who was not my SO nor her sister, I was still a bit tipsy from the night before and so was she, it was me ringing the doorbell and her answering in her PJs, her putting kettle on me flirting and then before the kettle had boiled I was having sex with her on her kitchen table, her name was Angela, she was my first affair, the only one I care to remember, it was my relationship with her that stopped me ruining my family at that point, but she tired of being the OW and we parted on good terms, but I was hungry, I was hungry for a means of stopping my wanton desire for the younger sister, and so spawned more than 80 new affairs, ONSs FWB the list went on, and for more than a year I was practically screwing anything with a pulse.
I had a mini melt down, all week long I would be screwing other women and I had to stop as I was getting uncontrollable urges with women too close to home, I stopped, I played happy families and get over myself for a few months, right up until SOs younger sister had a fight with her parents and ended up moving in with us, really bad news that, and so comes a second part to my story, it's late and I have work in the morning, feel free to judge me but there is a lot more to come.
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