Hello, I suppose I should say a few words about myself and our relationship. I'm a fresh 40 year old, married for two years with a 6 month old son (greatest thing in my life, like a tasmanian devil crossed with Tickle me Elmo).
Life after marriage hasn't been easy on me. Financially we're ok, we travel a lot, junior's not been too much of a hassle. But I'm a "perfectionist blamer". At least that's what my wife calls me. I need things done my way and I need to assign blame for general ****-ups (often to myself: I'm nothing but fair). My wife's rather a worry-free, procrastinating slob type. All good when she was a student (she's 12 years my junior), but not with the kid in our life it's getting my hackles up.
I just turned 40 yesterday. This Sunday is our son's baptism (a big thing with my wife who's a practicing Catholic). Day after we're going on a week-long trip to Czech Republic (we live in Europe). The next weekend is our friend's huge birthday party, which my wife is organizing. Why am I telling you all these details? To set up the crisis we had today which makes me feel like a total ... male body part, yet I can't help but be very pissed off at her too.
So yesterday she took me and my dad (visiting from Seattle) to a dinner as a birthday thing. She knows I'm not a big fan of these things. Our thing is the surprise party. I figured a BIG surprise party would be nice for a 40th. Now, being Tuesday, everyone's at work and all, it's understandable that a party would be difficult to set up. Yet I was hoping. She was so busy the past month organizing the baptism thing and her friend's birthday and all she was talking about were these two things. Yesterday at dinner, I couldn't help but be disappointed. I was looking over my shoulder hoping that my fam bam would jump from behind the screen but nothing doing. We went back home and to sleep.
Today something snapped. Perhaps it was work-related stress (I had some last minute cancelled meetings and projects and basically ended up wasting a day at home), perhaps it was jealousy over the other "more important things", perhaps mid-life crisis. Basically at one point I snapped and basically yelling at her said I was disappointed and felt like crap for being a very distant priority in her life (after our son's religious event and her BFF's birthday). Well... put my big foot in my mouth...
It turns out she was planning (still is) a big 40th birthday bash this Saturday with bunch of my friends and family involved. Now I feel like crap. But I don't know if it's because I spoiled the surprise for HER or for ME. She is of course very hurt of my accusations of not caring about me, but I can't feel that her cover-up excuses she was using to work on my party were doing quite the opposite. Emphasizing the religious ceremony about which I don't give a crap but important to her family and constantly getting me involved in her friend's birthday simply made me feel... alone, left out, isolated, unloved and ignored?
I promised to keep it a secret that I DO KNOW the secret and I intend to, but what am I to feel? Am I at all justified in this situation? Am I going through mid-life crisis? Am I just an A-hole?
Bloody hell...
Casey
Life after marriage hasn't been easy on me. Financially we're ok, we travel a lot, junior's not been too much of a hassle. But I'm a "perfectionist blamer". At least that's what my wife calls me. I need things done my way and I need to assign blame for general ****-ups (often to myself: I'm nothing but fair). My wife's rather a worry-free, procrastinating slob type. All good when she was a student (she's 12 years my junior), but not with the kid in our life it's getting my hackles up.
I just turned 40 yesterday. This Sunday is our son's baptism (a big thing with my wife who's a practicing Catholic). Day after we're going on a week-long trip to Czech Republic (we live in Europe). The next weekend is our friend's huge birthday party, which my wife is organizing. Why am I telling you all these details? To set up the crisis we had today which makes me feel like a total ... male body part, yet I can't help but be very pissed off at her too.
So yesterday she took me and my dad (visiting from Seattle) to a dinner as a birthday thing. She knows I'm not a big fan of these things. Our thing is the surprise party. I figured a BIG surprise party would be nice for a 40th. Now, being Tuesday, everyone's at work and all, it's understandable that a party would be difficult to set up. Yet I was hoping. She was so busy the past month organizing the baptism thing and her friend's birthday and all she was talking about were these two things. Yesterday at dinner, I couldn't help but be disappointed. I was looking over my shoulder hoping that my fam bam would jump from behind the screen but nothing doing. We went back home and to sleep.
Today something snapped. Perhaps it was work-related stress (I had some last minute cancelled meetings and projects and basically ended up wasting a day at home), perhaps it was jealousy over the other "more important things", perhaps mid-life crisis. Basically at one point I snapped and basically yelling at her said I was disappointed and felt like crap for being a very distant priority in her life (after our son's religious event and her BFF's birthday). Well... put my big foot in my mouth...
It turns out she was planning (still is) a big 40th birthday bash this Saturday with bunch of my friends and family involved. Now I feel like crap. But I don't know if it's because I spoiled the surprise for HER or for ME. She is of course very hurt of my accusations of not caring about me, but I can't feel that her cover-up excuses she was using to work on my party were doing quite the opposite. Emphasizing the religious ceremony about which I don't give a crap but important to her family and constantly getting me involved in her friend's birthday simply made me feel... alone, left out, isolated, unloved and ignored?
I promised to keep it a secret that I DO KNOW the secret and I intend to, but what am I to feel? Am I at all justified in this situation? Am I going through mid-life crisis? Am I just an A-hole?
Bloody hell...
Casey
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