I'm going to try to make a long story short here.
Been married for over 20 years, have lots of kids, some still home some grown and married. Something changed sort of recently, I posted here about it, but it was this squirting thing that caught me off guard and freaked me out. I fought it, tried to not, went back and forth about it being okay or not and finally just accepted it as a new normal.
Recently there has been tons of new stress. 3 hospitalizations here in the last 3 weeks, dh for some sort of vertigo and then the older boys had a vehicle accident. Everyone is home although life has changed.
A couple of days ago dh expressed that there was something wrong with me, I shouldn't be Oing so easily and maybe I have some sort of disorder. I being me, looked that up and couldn't find anything fitting. He expressed that things shouldn't be that intense so quickly. Well, I didn't think anything of it because it had been over a week with all of the commotion around here and it was something we were doing every day before then.
So we went to bed that night and as we played around as usual I was trying not to O and by about 2am I had to ask him to not touch me because I couldn't not. I want to do what he wants, I want to make him happy, I want to comply with what he asks. Then he was upset with me for asking him to not touch me. I was very confused, I should say I am very confused still. Then he said he was sorry and it was okay and then he wanted me to. Um, what the heck? Then he put some effort in, I will add more enthusiastically than usual and I did but it was definitely not as fun or as complete because I was quite upset.
The next morning, I told him how I felt about what happened and basically that I felt like he put a hole in my security. I no sooner accept things and then he says no more. I keep thinking that I shouldn't read anything into any of it, life has been too stressful for everyone lately.
The next night, last night, he actively pursued some time together again. This time I'm thinking it's okay, he really didn't mean what he said the day before and was just having a freak out moment. Since the squirting/messy thing started months ago, he has avoided anything oral. This was fine with me, it never was my favorite anyway. He did like twice right after it started, but it had been months since he even tried it. Last night everything that he did was in the sequence that he used to always follow. Not saying that is bad, but it takes longer for me to relax for one and now that this there is this messy thing to think about I didn't want him there and was worried about that. He kept at it, and I kept fighting it and I successfully fought it.
What is he trying to do? What does he want? Change should be good, but something doesn't seem right. What does he want from me? I can't read his mind and I don't understand what he is doing. Yes, no, maybe so? Is he wanting to go back to how things were a long time ago? Is he bored? Is he tired of me? Now watch, now that I'm worried enough to post he will go back to normal. He confuses the heck out of me.
Been married for over 20 years, have lots of kids, some still home some grown and married. Something changed sort of recently, I posted here about it, but it was this squirting thing that caught me off guard and freaked me out. I fought it, tried to not, went back and forth about it being okay or not and finally just accepted it as a new normal.
Recently there has been tons of new stress. 3 hospitalizations here in the last 3 weeks, dh for some sort of vertigo and then the older boys had a vehicle accident. Everyone is home although life has changed.
A couple of days ago dh expressed that there was something wrong with me, I shouldn't be Oing so easily and maybe I have some sort of disorder. I being me, looked that up and couldn't find anything fitting. He expressed that things shouldn't be that intense so quickly. Well, I didn't think anything of it because it had been over a week with all of the commotion around here and it was something we were doing every day before then.
So we went to bed that night and as we played around as usual I was trying not to O and by about 2am I had to ask him to not touch me because I couldn't not. I want to do what he wants, I want to make him happy, I want to comply with what he asks. Then he was upset with me for asking him to not touch me. I was very confused, I should say I am very confused still. Then he said he was sorry and it was okay and then he wanted me to. Um, what the heck? Then he put some effort in, I will add more enthusiastically than usual and I did but it was definitely not as fun or as complete because I was quite upset.
The next morning, I told him how I felt about what happened and basically that I felt like he put a hole in my security. I no sooner accept things and then he says no more. I keep thinking that I shouldn't read anything into any of it, life has been too stressful for everyone lately.
The next night, last night, he actively pursued some time together again. This time I'm thinking it's okay, he really didn't mean what he said the day before and was just having a freak out moment. Since the squirting/messy thing started months ago, he has avoided anything oral. This was fine with me, it never was my favorite anyway. He did like twice right after it started, but it had been months since he even tried it. Last night everything that he did was in the sequence that he used to always follow. Not saying that is bad, but it takes longer for me to relax for one and now that this there is this messy thing to think about I didn't want him there and was worried about that. He kept at it, and I kept fighting it and I successfully fought it.
What is he trying to do? What does he want? Change should be good, but something doesn't seem right. What does he want from me? I can't read his mind and I don't understand what he is doing. Yes, no, maybe so? Is he wanting to go back to how things were a long time ago? Is he bored? Is he tired of me? Now watch, now that I'm worried enough to post he will go back to normal. He confuses the heck out of me.
Put the internet to work for you.
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