| After a year and a half of doing nothing to pursue his new career path, H has an appointment tomorrow at two colleges for education planning. He has been saying it's too overwhelming and he needed me to plan out his classes. He has been telling everyone he will have his degree in 6 months to a year, and gets angry with me when I tell him he is realistically looking at 6-8 years. I finally got through to him that I will not plan his college he had to do it himself. A necessary background...his job is closing down and he will be unemployed in December. Which brings me to today...he says he is looking for employment. I have seen him open the computer and search job listings here and there. His resume is not updated, no resumes or applications have been sent out. He told me today he is about to make an appointment for financial planning because he sees we have $xxx in the retirement account and $zzz in the deferred comp account. He believes we can use those monies as a resource while he is in school. He said he hopes to work part-time to get insurance benefits, and go to school. I'm not sure how he plans to pay the mortgage, but me telling him that we cannot withdraw from retirement without losing most of it in penalties causes him to shut down the conversation. Here's what is really poking at me in his plan...he said that he is planning on me to do his homework while in school, because he's going to be working at the same time! I got no response from him when I questioned how he planned to pass the exam s. I went to college. I also worked through college (granted I was 20 and not 44 with a family). I have my degree. I am not the one who flushed an 18 year career and our family financial security down the freaking toilet because I lied instead of own up to a mistake. I've seen this coming for awhile. I have talked about it in IC. Our counselor knows us both, we also see her for MC. She has told me that I have to let him chart his own path, either to fail or succeed, I have to sit back quietly and let him fix the mess he has us in. I am a fixer, and these insane plans are really pushing my buttons. I am currently reading Codependent No More and I am hoping to learn how to be quiet and not feel like I'm sitting back allowing him to lose everything we have worked hard for. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I have been trying so hard and really, really struggling to respect him again. If I could respect him again, I'm hoping I could love him again. He talks about how hard he is working on all of this...getting another job, getting into school...but his actions don't match up. I see someone who wants everything to be handed to him...I'll get the degree, I'll be able to say I'm working and going to school, but honey you do all the work for me. Oh, and I'm going to empty our retirement accounts and plan on the unemployment benefits in the mean time. I don't even know if I can rebuild trust/respect/love anymore. | |||
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