| I really don't know what's happened but in the past year or so since I regained any desire for sex (before that no interest for a year), I became a bit obsessed. Eventually this led to porn and for me specifically, 'fitspo', fat-to-fit transformations both male and female etc. When I'm horny I find myself getting straight on the laptop, typing in e.g. 'fat to fit woman' and then fapping. Ditto with athletic women e.g. those who lift (I don't know why, for some reason muscle is particularly sexy for me, not mega-bulky but lean and athletic type) I am really sick of doing this so much, partly because it's sucking up precious time to be doing better things, but mostly because my SO means so much to me and it would break her heart to know I'm secretly so vain and shallow. (I think she's beautiful inside and out, I don't love her just for her body at all...then why am I not first thinking of her doing the deed, but going to some stereotypically 'fit' woman?) Admittedly this has been a niggling problem for around a decade now. I've been a bit obsessed with getting a six-pack/'hot' male body ever since I successfully managed to lose weight when I was 12. I'm nearly 21 and I'm still trying too hard. Related to this I am a skinnyish guy looking to gain a bit of muscle (don't need training/nutrition tips today though thanks! :) ) and I'm fairly sure I'm insecure about my body. As in I must check how fat my face looks in the mirror over 20 times a day. Whether or not this is vanity or insecurity, and whether I'm projecting this into my ideals of beauty in a woman, I don't know. One part of me thinks damn, this is stupid, but the other carries on anyway. So it's time. I need to stop being so vain, shallow, a little narcissistic and insecure. BUT I need to be able to do this without completely letting go of myself (because I'd struggle to do that). However I look at it while I'm young, I want to be in at least reasonable shape. Tips please? | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment