| hi, I've been married to my husband for over 14 years and have 2 beautiful daughters but wish to have 1 or 2 more kids(praying for a son but will be happy with girl to). The problem is my husband had gone behind my back after our second daughter and gotten a vasectomy. We both grew up in America, and came from non religious Muslim families. We are not 100% practicing Muslims but we try to do the best we can. I have stepped up since I realized I needed to give my daughters an Islamic education and enrolled them in online classes to learn Quran, and try my best to educate them the best I can. I myself am learning since I had no proper Islamic upbringing and same goes for my husband. I'm in my mid 30's and wish to have more children and when I ask my husband to consider a vasectomy reversal he gets angry and states he doesn't want more children and is happy with what he has. He believes that once they leave home after college/marriage we both will still be young and can live our lives. I believe that we can still do that eventually but still want more children, we are financially secure, and can certainly afford to. I feel so saddened by his refusal, and also feel that I've given up so much in this relationship and have suffered so much. Let me explain how, when we first met we were teenagers and decided to get married against our parents wishes, so technically we got our Nikah(Islamic wedding oath) done and eloped to where he was moving for work. He and I were working when a few years later I got pregnant, but he didn't want the child because he thought we weren't ready but I decided to keep the baby and he got angry because I went against his plans. After the baby was born both our families got over their anger and accepted up especially his side of the family because my family accepted us as soon as we did the Nikah and even wanted to have a wedding ceremony but my husband refused to attend the ceremony because he didn't want to upset his parents anymore. His parents were hoping that their son would enjoy me and than leave me but since I had the baby and kept it they realized he was stuck with me so that is why they decided to accept me. And they didn't accept me until the baby was born in hopes that I might miscarry, or someone the baby wont make it. Although we had a love marriage, I haven't had one special occasion where my husband and I were happy and celebrated any milestone in our life. No wedding ceremony because he was a coward to stand up to his parents and demand respect for me, nor was he happy when he heard about our child coming into this world, and always blamed me for tricking him into having the child w/o his consent. After a few years we planned our 2nd child so our first child can have a sibling, and then he got a vasectomy w/o my consent. Its been almost 10 years since his vasectomy and I've been for many years pleading and giving him hints that I want another child but he brushes it off. I'm in my 30s and feel that the urge to have more children and want to know if I'm being unreasonable or if he is? I also feel that I've suffered so much in this relationship or had any happy moments together w/o fights and arguments and feel that I've made so many compromises already. I feel that everything has been a battle with him and feel why this man wont be happy for any of these joyous occasions in our life? Right now, we are arguing or on no speaking terms while living under the same roof. I don't want to regret not having another child, and I feel that I've made many compromises already that I also deserve happiness. It is sad but I'm even contemplating leaving him to be with someone who shares my views and wants children. Of course that's just a thought and I wouldn't do it because of the sake of my kids. But I sure feel that the love has slowly disappeared between us, and only resentments have taken its place. I love my children and they make me so happy that I want more, maybe its because they take my mind of all the other oppression and depression I suffered. I also love my husband but feel torn by his decisions and when I look back at all the times he never stood by me after our Nikah and at all those special occasions where we could have been happy for us rather than giving me suggestions to abort my baby b/c he wasn't ready. All this makes me even wonder if he ever even loved me or if he just wanted to use me and leave me like his parents had wished. Please advise me in this situation because I'm depressed and have no one to talk to because I cant ask anyone for help in the matter because it was my own decision to marry him. thanks | |||
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