| My wife and I have been married almost 22 years and been together over 23 years. I'm 44 and she's 42. We aren't perfect but I've always felt we had a solid marriage. We have a teenage daughter, and she's a great kid. We both have stable full-time jobs, and we share household duties without complaint. After all this time, we still have our dates together each week, even if it's TV night at home. We still hold hands, and we're not shy about showing our affection for each other (but nothing lewd). Intimacy waned for a while, but that area sparked back up again several years ago, and is still going strong. Until recently I would have said we had the perfect marriage. Now, I'm not so sure. Recently I was in the kitchen one night when I notice my wife's cell phone light up with a message. I saw the words "What are you wearing?" in the notification bar. Naturally, I had to investigate. That was the only text from that number in the history. I didn't say anything because I felt I needed more information. Needless to say I didn't sleep much that night. I started checking her phone each morning and night whenever the opportunity presented itself, and have been doing so for the last several months. Anytime I found a text from the OM I would take a picture of the messages on her phone with my phone, then I would print them out at work and put them in chronological order. She deletes these messages regularly. I have learned several things by keeping my mouth shut. First, she met the OM in a chat room, and he lives out West (we live in the South). Second, they have been communicating for THIRTEEN years. They have sexted, sent each other naked pictures, and have had phone sex on more than one occasion. She has even texted him on important dates, such as anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas. Third, I know for a fact that they have never met. Her pictures to him (some she me, some she didn't) were close-ups; she never sent him a picture of her face. If she did send a face pic she would "borrow" a picture of her sister's face. So there's no way she could meet him. She has also created a fictitious life for herself. She's told him she's divorced (like him), created a different job for herself, made up additional children, pets, etc. She has created an entire fantasy life for herself. I can't believe she has been doing this all this time. I know, I must have had blinders on. There literally has not been anything to make me suspicious until I saw that fateful text. Most of the contact has been when she was at work or late at night (I'm a heavy sleeper). I've tried to rationalize all of this. She is very self-conscious about her weight (I love her regardless of her weight), and I noticed her naughty pictures never revealed this fact to him. Our jobs aren't high profile or super-exciting, but we are both managers with important positions. Like I said, we try to keep the love life spiced-up. I try more than she does, but hey, I'm a guy after all... Yesterday it dawned on me that I should look at her Twitter account (it's not private). She has retweeted things for the last two years since she opened the account that really bother me. Things like: "Two hearts meant for each other, no distance too far, no other love can break them apart", and "right person, wrong timing", and the worst one was "when you love someone age, distance, height, weight....is just a number". Two years of this stuff! In the last month they seem to have had a fight of some sort. She wants to make up with him as she misses their friendship. He has just been interested in Skype or pics....strictly sexual stuff. I don't get it. She's always telling me I'm the best thing that ever happened to her; how much she loves and desires me, and how we are best friends. But I know about her other life....albeit a fantasy, with HIM...a real person. If it had been a one-time anonymous cybersex with someone I could looked past that as a mere curiosity. But 13 years, with one guy? Even if there's no way she could meet him without spilling the beans on her real identity.....what am I missing here? Should I wait and see if this thing dies on its own? Should I give her a massive wake up call? I'm at a loss for this behavior. Any opinions would be most appreciated...... | |||
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