Help with my depressed mum

Hey guys, I come from a broken home. My parents split up and I'm not sure exactly what (don't necessarily want to know) but there's some deep-seated issues between my mum and dad to this day. One of the big things is (I suspect) my mum has depression and it runs in her family (my gran clearly has it too, and a history of panic attacks). This could explain Mum's panic attacks and not wanting to go out to school in her teens. She's also had a bad back for years which limited her movements so although, she tries to stay close to home and until recently with her new husband, felt so uncomfortable out of her comfort zone she'd stay in it. It doesn't help that we now have to sell our house and she's paying it off with a ****ty job she has to do night-shifts and overtime on. NOw the problem is I sort of blame myself for it. Over sixth-form I came down with some form of mental health difficulty myself (a mixture of depressed thoughts, anxiety and panic attacks, OCD symptoms, more recently less panicky and more angry) and it manifested at its peak in a mild eating disorder, EDNOS or orthorexia if it were labelled. I guess I'm still in the process of recovery but now health/nutrition and fitness are perhaps (too?) important for me-even though once depression kicks in they no longer matter and I'd comfort-eat, ruminate, not let myself go to bed etc.. My obscure food issue really hurt my mum, put her under a lot of stress and heartache. It's definitely improved although is always lurking, and Mum has said she is happy with how I'm eating now-but I don't always believe her and worry about it I had an MH crisis about a year ago which resulted in me being on Fluoxetine (Prozac for those who don't know, antidepressant). At the same time my mum started Citalopram (also an anti-d). Whether this was because of me, or because of things like the recession, money getting tighter and Dad no longer being financially supportive after some unknown fallout between them, or working extra long hours taking its toll, I don't know. But I keep thinking it's my fault. Basically I partly blame myself for Mum being depressed. I'm afraid to bring this up because she seems to be getting better or at least coping (although she did say she went for an appointment recently where she thought it was time to come off and had to go back on because she relapsed) but on her bad days I can't tell whether she's suffering, or I'm making her suffer... It's causing me a lot of anxiety and shame, especially with things like going to a gym, improving physique or moderating with junk food. To a person without an ED history this wouldn't be seen as a problem but since I have got one I always feel ashamed when I go :( I don't really know to handle this, atm it's the elephant in the room. Please help

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979