| Just to introduce myself I'm an 18 year old female currently studying a-levels. I feel like I have no personality and it's making me feel really uncomfortable. I grew up with a loud best friend who did all the talking for me at school and social events and I was just her sidekick. At home I was always shushed and told to act mature (aka boring) as I'm the oldest child. So now here I am at 18 after drifting away from my best friend I can really feel her absence. I feel like I have no personality at all. It makes people around me uncomfortable. I'm not close with my extended family due to them living quite a way away but when they visit I can tell how awkward they feel around me because they don't know what to do. My brothers can all act themselves and joke around but aside from being polite I show no personality. Even talking to my Mum I spend most time giving her advice about her friends rather than joking around or even acting like her daughter. Similarly, at college I remember when a guy got partnered with me and his friends all said "unlucky..." to him. I know what they mean though, he was going to be bored when spending time with me. There were a few instances like this and I just find it so sad. I think another part of it is I'm the only girl (apart from my Mum) in the family (including having all male cousins) so I can be ridiculed because of this. When I was 11 I remember dressing up to go out with friends for the first time wearing a nice outfit and my Dad saying "who do you think you are...". Since then I wore hoodies, jeans, ponytails and no make-up. For the past two years I've been in classes with only boys and next year I'm taking classes which will have girls in and I'm so nervous. I'd love to have a nice group of friends but all girls my age have found themselves and are comfortable in their own skin and can relax and have fun. I'm a kind person and always told I'm polite but that's boring. I don't want to change that aspect of myself but I just want to develop some kind of personality. It sounds stupid but I won't even tell my close friend or family what music I listen to, what celebrities I like, what TV shows I watch, etc. I'm not embarrassed because they're very conventional but I'm still insecure about telling them? How do I develop a personality? Thank you. | |||
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