| I'm a 26 year old male. Let me tell you a story. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They share something great. After 6-18 months, boy freaks out, leaves girl brokenhearted. Boy dates around for a little while, riding the high of the freedom of the breakup. After a few months, boy burns out and enters depression, has no more desire to date or fall in love. Repeat a few times. That's my life story. This happened with 4 or 5 girls. I didn't leave them because I didn't care about them or love them, I just felt either insecure or not up to the task of long-term commitment. The problem is, now, I'm single again, and I hate my job, and I'm depressed, and I've been dating around a bit, but I don't know what the hell I'm looking for and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't even know why people do this shit... this dating shit. What's the point? I'm a good-looking, in-shape, intelligent, funny 26 year old guy. Most people who saw me wouldn't believe I could be in this state of mind. I get 5 to 10 numbers from girls every week, but when all is said and done, I just have very little desire to call any of them. I guess I'm just getting their numbers for validation. I'll also set up dates and then flake from time to time. When I was in my late teens and early twenties I was a bit of a ladies man, I haven't slept with an exorbitant amount of women, somewhere between 20 and 30, but I just have very little desire to go out there and pick up women as a pastime, waking up in the morning and feeling terrible. I have this huge desire to be alone, just hole up in my apartment and not see or talk to anyone. I have abused drugs for years and years. Psychedelics, cocaine, heroin, speed, even all these weird designer drugs that no one's ever heard of. Three weeks ago, my family moved out of state. They've always been here, and now they're gone, and lately it seems like they just don't seem to understand where I'm at in life, and talking to them on the phone is like talking to strangers. On top of that, last week a friend of mine committed suicide and since then I feel like I've been hit with even more depression. Every day I feel like I'm inching closer and closer to the same fate, I feel like I could follow in his footsteps--but for better or for worse, I'm much too vain and proud to kill myself, I think it's the easy way out and it's for wimps and the delusional. I've been seriously considering trying to score some H again. I just feel like I need the comfort that it brings, because I can't seem to find that comfort anywhere else. I feel like my own worst enemy… trapped inside myself. I guess I'm just looking for advice about how to reconnect with reality. I feel jaded and completely cynical. I can't imagining forming a real emotional connection with someone. I just need to hear that I'm not the only one who's gone through relationship after relationship and feels totally burnt out... | |||
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