| Hi all, I am kind of annoyed and just need to get it off my chest, so bear with me, o.k?:o I posted a while back about my daughter and her drug/marijuana use. She has been to a residential treatment facility and is now out, and doing well. I should be happy, right? I should be THRILLED, RIGHT? Yet I just feel empty and angry at what she has put us through! I am also not comfortable supporting the Alternative Peer Group she belongs to. This Alternative Peer Group is basically an Alcoholics Anonymous group for teens. It deals with all substance abuse (from alcohol to weed to crack and meth). I think my big issue with the whole thing is that this APG takes up LOTS of her time (granted it is summer and idle hands are the Devil's playthings) which takes lots of time away from the rest of the family. My husband has done ALL of the APG support for her and here is the reason why: We both went with her to the first meeting at a local Baptist church. I was prepared to explore this new thing that I thought was going to be a temporary adjustment. I went into the parking lot, and saw a group of teens hanging around the parking lot smoking. O.K. this did not leave a favorable first impression on me. I asked about this to see if this was a normal event. I was promptly answered by a mother of a son there. She said, "You better get used to it." I was OUTRAGED!!! My daughter is 16. I don't want her exposed to that! I made a stink about it and the meeting continued on. When we (the parents) went around and introduced ourselves and told our stories as to why we were there, the group leader and veteran parents started telling us about how different we had to do things to deal with ADDICTION! They told us how addiction is a FAMILY DISEASE. UM, huh? They told us how the addict cannot help him or herself, and they need constant and continued support and meetings to continue to stay sober. WHAT?:scratchhead: I am not a person who has ever dealt with drug addiction or alcoholism, so admittedly I am not familiar with this area, but the first thing I felt was CREEPED OUT! I just looked around the room at the others, and the new people seemed lost and bewildered also. The people that creeped me out were the facilitator and the "old timers." (the people who have been going to meetings a while) I felt like people were trying to ADOPT me into a CLAN of codependent people I didn't want to interact with. I am not a "Group" person. I don't like to get involved with people I am not friends or family with. I felt like I was joining a cult or something, (maybe a bit strong, I don't mean like David Koresh or the Branch Davidians or anything), I just felt like people where trying to "assimilate" me. At any rate, I don't know them from Adam, and I really don't want a new family. I have PLENTY of family and friends, and I don't feel comfortable in groups, much less groups of people I don't know. This is not a superior attitude or a "snobby" attitude, I'm just a private person, and I don't like large groups. I also don't know if I feel comfortable with the mindset of becoming marijuana dependent (Addiction) is a DISEASE. I just don't think that explains the NUMEROUS people I know who used pot in high school and college who have a life, job, family, and NO association with ANY AA group at all. They have these things because they took responsibility and got clean and changed their habits. I just don't like the idea of GROWN ADULTS and older teenagers teaching my 16 year old daughter that She is POWERLESS against drugs, because (through no fault of her own actions or decisions) has a DISEASE. Am I the only person that thinks this sets up a blaming buck-passing mentality? This way of thinking teaches that she will never be free of this, and she will always need that group. I don't agree with that doctrine. Now having said that, my husband, whom I love more than anyone but my kids, supports the program. He is happy to go along with this APG. Truly, part of me understands his position... She IS doing better, and has not had any relapse yet :smthumbup:. However, he takes her to some group or activity or AA meeting 4 days out of the week! They both stay for hours since parents are supposed to stay and supervise. Meanwhile I stay with my other daughter (She is 12). She has different (younger) interests. I feel that this APG (Alternative Peer Group) is stealing time from my other daughter as well as my husband and myself, and I don't really want my family to become card carrying members of AA just to interact as a family. I personally don't see that a group validating a person's HELPLESSNESS over an illegal substance helps anyone heal. I actually feel like this could convince her that she is less able to handle this. Now before you go flaming me, I'm not a hater of any group, but I do reserve my right to disagree with the views they hold. If anyone has any constructive advice, other than telling me that I'm just overreacting or not happy because I don't want to be, or anything else, I could really use some words of encouragement. I love my daughter and want her to get past this, but I don't want this to SCAR her for LIFE! :confused: | |||
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