| Hi, new here & desperate for someone to talk to. Here's my story: I've been married to my husband for almost 27 years. Our marriage got off to a rocky start due to him 'playing away' on numerous occasions. However since then he's been a 'one man woman' and swore never to do that to me again, which he hasn't and I don't believe he ever would. So I'm not worried about infidelity! 15 years ago, due to me having to spend time in hospital due to pregnancy complications my husband was diagnosed as having stress/anxiety brought on by him being left home alone with two small children while trying to hold down his job too. Work started being funny with him causing him more stress & he just broke down. I came out of hospital with a small baby but never really got time to enjoy being a mum again as I was always worried about my husband and whether I'd wake up one morning to find him gone. Anyway a job move sorted his anxiety out and life was great ... for a few years anyway. Yet another job move this time working for a boss who was a tyrant and who actually made accusations that led to my husband being investigated by the police (police found no allegation to answer to, hubby was allowed back at work & his boss soon 'retired'). All this going on led him to being diagnosed as having depression which he has suffered from continuously for the last 5 years or so. It took a long time to get his medication sorted but finally it looks as though it's beginning to work. I have to say during his times of illness I've backed my husband 100%, no matter what he put me through, he's not a violent man in any way but some days it was hard when we had to walk on egg shells for fear of upsetting him. There were days he just wanted to spend in bed, I had many sleepless nights worrying about what he could do to himself (at one time he was so depressed he was on the point of committing suicide). I helped him through his dark times, helped him see that the world was not against him, listened to him when he needed someone to listen & tried to help him see things in not such a negative way. Not at any point through his illness did I consider leaving him, I love him too much. I'm not trying to say I'm an angel or anyone out of the ordinary I just did what any loving wife would do ..... 'in sickness & in health'. Then at Christmas he decided he'd had enough of his depression and wanted to do something about it, so he's been seeing a counsellor. I'm very proud of him for making this decision and the guts & determination he's put into 'getting better'. But the counselling seems to have changed him into a completely different person. Last year on facebook he came across a woman who he knew briefly 15 years ago, an acquaintance he met through work, not really a friend as away his workplace they never saw each other. Since finding her on facebook she's become his 'best friend' he's continuously texting her while he's at home & at work, I saw one text while sitting behind him where he referred to her as his 'second wife' which really hurt me! She's happily married & I know there's nothing romantically going on between them but where as he used to confide in me about how he was feeling or if anything was worrying him he now turns to her, it's as if I've served my purpose and no longer needed . I've tried discussing this with him saying how much it hurts me the amount of time he spends talking to her via text messages but he just doesn't seem to get it, at one point while arguing he actually said he wouldn't give her up for me and implied he either kept her as a friend or our marriage is over .. I don't even think he realised what he'd actually said or how he came across. I actually broke down in tears the other night while watching tv when I told him again what was upsetting me he said he would try to be more attentive and we would work it out, but still he's texting her just as much. She knows we had a big fight last weekend & that we almost split up (he discussed it with her) but I don't think he told her that she was the cause of our bust up... and to be honest I think she'd be horrified. My husband does love me, I know he does and I know he'd never deliberately do anything to hurt me or cheat on me again, but this is really getting me down. I don't want to t ell him not to be friends with her as he implied that would be the end of us if I did. But I can't continue like this knowing that he's sharing our private life with her when it should be me he's talking to. I'm at a loss as to what to do, I don't want to leave him but I'm so unhappy at the way things are at the minute. | |||
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