Well, I finalized it.

I was posting in this section for a little while after I separated from my ex. But finally as of the 29th of may, I am completely divorced. two years, three months, and five days after I originally left. Last July I started finally seeing someone, and at the end of march we started living together. I got a car, got a new job after seven years of working nights at a truck stop, his son and I get along, and everything pretty much seems to be going well. my taking out a loan to pay for a divorce was sped up by recieving notification that I was being sued by social services for spousal support because he had finally after a two year drug binge put himself in rehab. I still thought that after as much time as had passed that this was going to be cake. we have nothing to separate, we shared nothing no kids, and i had finally moved on and forward with my life with a new man, new job, new (to me) car, and essentially a new life. I have to say I did not expect it to be so hard on me. Making awkward conversation in the hall with someone who, at one point, I could talk to about anything. Looking at the person who I once pledged my life to, and not even seeing that same person there, and then watching someone that at one point was my world, walk out of it forever. I don't doubt that I made the right decision, I'm not unhappy, I'm not doing poorly, and I DO NOT want to go back to what I left or the person that I watched walk away from me. I keep thinking the "how" and "why" questions. which is pointless, but it doesn't stop the thoughts. and I can't help but think, what in hell, did I do that was so wrong, that he would dare do the things he did to me, or treat me like that? why did I deserve that? why did our marriage deserve that? I also wonder why it is he thinks that things were going poorly and we should have called it quits years before I see where it went wrong. which makes me wonder where was I in all of this? I have never loved someone like that. it was everything a marriage was supposed to be. in my little world anyways. I guess I just cannot believe that after the amount of time that has elapsed and the positive changes in my life and my overall mood and outlook on things, that the brief time we spent in the courtroom while my lawyer talked with the judge stirred up all these feelings. its been over two years, I am happy with the family I stepped into, the man that I am with, and the life that I am building, and I can't get this out of my mind. :scratchhead: is that normal?

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