Sexual Shame and "Shadow Work"

Have you ever heard of Carl Jung's notion of the Shadow? (no, not the vintage radio show, although upon analysis, that show is definitely an allusion to the same!) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology) I am a fan of the late Debbie Ford, and her Shadow Work radio show on Hay House Radio - Listen Live to Hay House Authors as well as her fb fanpage. She would get callers to identify the labelling they hated/feared the most, and say it out loud on the air. "I'm a failure," one might say. "I'm a lousy lover," another would nervously come out with. Or perhaps it would be, "I'm not worthy." In every case, upon stating their Shadow identity, the caller would give that odd little nervous giggle, and Debbie would say, "Oh, there's your "shadow laugh"!" with such a kind tone, it always brought a tear to my eye. (can you tell I miss her dearly? She only recently passed due to cancer. RIP, Debbie Ford!) So I've been thinking about why the heck am I here? sure, I initially followed a link from the searchword "limerence" due to making a ****ty choice (the ill-fated threesome, if you've been following my story here, big if, but expounding on it now would incur the dreaded "TL;DR" effect. Ultimately, I came here because I am ASHAMED of that choice irl. I came here for anonymity. And now I want to talk and listen about shame. What it is, why it is, and what to do with or about it. As a girl, I was simultaneously sexually opened prematurely, and ****shamed. I am using "****shamed" to mean: being made to view my female body as seductive to diseased pervs, as bait for men to break themselves on me, my sexual desire and feminine power are intrinsically toxic. My desire to get laid was also deadly to my reputation. I lost my virginity at nearly 17 circa what? '86? my peers were chaste and virtuous. (I don't have religious hangups, was raised by an Ayn Randian, btw.) Childhood sexual abuse TRIGGER!!!!! Don't scroll or read if sensitive to triggers. <3 Raw, visual language. I was blindfolded at age 6 and had a candy-dipped penis inserted into my mouth by my babysitter's husband. I was fingered and tongued. ***reasonably safe to read again*** My sexual agency was not my own. I became sexualized early and daydreamed of becoming a porn star, like the piles of Penthouse and Hustler magazines my dad stowed all over public areas of the house, including the kids' bathroom magazine caddy. Yet when I finally became sexually active of my own volition, I was repeatedly called a **** and ***** by my dad. I was meanwhile being called ugly, a nerd, and a lesbian by my peers at school. Then came the 5-yr relationship with LD boyfriend. I became convinced that I was completely repulsive sexually. His particular deal was smells and textures. I concluded that I was slimey and smelled disgusting. That lives with me to this day. Even though my husband tells me every day how attractive and desirable he finds me. Even after Limerence Man told me that my ***** smells like rainbows. The problem is that Shame is "introjected". That's the reverse of "projection". so instead of taking a feature of yourself and slapping it onto your view of the outside world, it's taking something from the outside world and *****slapping yourself with it. So the only road out of Shame is through the Self. Let's do this! Why? It's not just for ourselves. Non-shameful people might put this reason second, but people who are ashamed of themselves may not feel worthy of feeling better about themselves. After all, we're TERRIBLE PEOPLE, aren't we? Healing our toxic shame is also good for the people we love. They don't see us how we do. They see a beautiful, competent, amazing human being with really sexy bits. They tell us that every day. But do we listen? Do we trust? Hell no! We throw it in their face with embarrassed irritability. Or we project it back onto them, calling how they act wrong or shameful. Or maybe we withdraw, hide the shame so deep that none of us is left to be present for Love. Shadow Work. I want to hear your shadow laugh. Hello, I am Salamander, and I am a ****! (a woman who LOVES SEX!!!!)

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979