| Hello Everyone, I'm new to this forum but will probably be posting quite a bit as it feels like our marriage is going through some problems. I'll try not to make this too long, but I'll start with a little back story. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. She has been in a grueling school program for the majority of the time we have been married. She is also in a weekend program, which hasn't always allowed us to spend as much time together as I would like. Although we do lots of small things when we can even if it's just going out for ice cream, driving around, taking 30 minutes to go for a walk together, etc. As a result of my wife's schedule, I am always the one taking our son places, trying to find new activities for him, joining playgroups, and generally playing with him from the time I get home through bed time. Since she is typically in school during the weekend I also spend all weekend with him. I love being a father and have a great time bonding with my son, even though I do wish my wife could do more activities with us I understand she's busy (she does come with us sometimes but usually is reading her notes so it feels like she isn't really "there" if that makes sense). I feel like I do a lot for the family and really spend a lot of time at home, not only supporting my wife with her studies, but spending time with and taking care of our son. Well, maybe once a month or once every other month (it just depends, there is no set schedule) I'll get together with a group of friends to listen to music and drink. Sometimes I don't even leave until I give my son a bath and make sure he is ready for bed, although my mother in law moved in with us 2 months ago so she'll usually put him in bed now. Because my friend lives 35 minutes away and I don't want to drive while drinking I sometimes tell her I'll just spend the night there so I won't drive impaired. Another married buddy of mine that goes also stays there because he lives even further away. I don't always spend the night, I probably have only 4 times..just depends how I feel and I always tell her. Every once in a while she gets really angry that I am spending time with friends and that I need to be home. I do understand her point about spending the night somewhere, but if I were home I would just be watching TV or sleeping while she would be studying so it's not like I'm cutting down on a lot of family time. I also don't feel like I go very often I also don't drink at home. There are also times where I try to spend time or talk to her and she says she's busy..which I understand. I also like going to concerts so might go to one once a month or sometimes once every few months (just depends on what bands are coming through). I would love for my wife to come with me, but she just doesn't enjoy it and isn't interested. I'm usually home by 11 pm on those nights and don't drink. Well, every so often she gets really mad about me going to do these things and says it's like I'm more excited about concerts/friends than the family. I just don't understand her point when, other than the exceptions above, I am always spending time with the family, but just take a few days here and there for myself. I sometimes even feel like I am raising our son by myself. Of course I love spending time with my family, but why is it also bad to enjoy doing other things? Am I being unreasonable or selfish? I have encouraged my wife to go out with friends for "girls night" or something but she doesn't want to. She has a few friends that have invited her, but she never goes. I would love to hear other people's thoughts. Thanks! | |||
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