Finding love after a bad past

Here's a bit of a background: When I was 17, I was recovering from clinical depression when I fell for this guy with anger issues. I also had some abuse issues from childhood (emotional) and some experience of sexual assault (not rape but being touched inappropriately). I don't know why I fell for this guy but I was very vulnerable and didn't feel like I could confide in anybody. The guy had lots of violent outbursts and eventually turned violent. Sometimes I do see it as my fault because I chose him, even though I did not know he would get like that. For years after dating him, and some years before, I couldn't walk past a man without being scared. I'd walk past a guy and look away and feel very uncomfortable. Then I practically rebounded with another guy after 4-5 months. At first he was nice, but he gradually turned out to be someone who didn't really care about me. It was horrible and I felt guilty for asking him to put more into the relationship - he'd turned it around to say that I was too demanding. Then when we broke up, and I sought advice on TSR, he followed me around on the internet and sent me taunting messages just because he wanted to mess up my life. I slipped into another bad phase where I felt terribly depressed. He'd send me messages telling me what to do, and send messages to my friends telling them I was a 'slut'. I would always say no to demands and it only made him angrier. I felt really insecure as well because these men had made me feel sexually worthless and unattractive. I was afraid of having sex with someone else because of bad memories and wanted that association out of my system. I slept with 6 men over the course of 2 years to learn more about my sexual needs and so I could get more sexually confident. I didn't do it because I wanted love. I did it for the sexual release and sense of rebellion. Recently though, I decided that I wanted to move out of that phase and find something meaningful. Now the problem is how do I explain my past in the best way to any guy I might fall in love with? What will the guy think? I don't regret it because it made me into a stronger person. I can stand up to guys who act like ********s now. I have a fairly good level of self-esteem. I am not the person I once was. People know me to be a sweet and kind person. However getting close to another man freaks me out because I worry about being hurt. I want love but it scares me at the same time. What do I do about this? I am feeling pretty positive and happy but it tends to be in the back of my mind. Well just a wee early morning rant hehe but I hoped someone could relate and that I could hear from some men as well. It is hard to deal with the cold hard truth but it's all I want to hear from you. Thanks. Anon. due to candid detail :)

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979