| This is my first post so bare with me, though I've read for a long time. Sorry for the length. First, a little background on my husband and I. We are both late 20s and early 30s. Been together 13 yrs and married 6 yrs. We have no children. Both have very good careers and make decent $. We have been together since high school and have only slept with each other. I have always been LD while my H was more normal drive. We always had sex 3-4x week, usually one sided since I was rarely interested. Note: I realized how important it was for my husband, rarely turned him down and always put effort into it, I just didn't expect anything in return. About a yr ago we decided to try to start a family. When I came off birth control (on it 13yrs) my sex drive went thru the roof. At this point we were probably having sex 1-2 x/wk, I would have liked more my H not so much. My H was adamant that it was just him getting older. Sex has since dwindled to once every 2 weeks and my H never wants to make it pleasurable for me. He will actually decline even if he initiated if I tell him I would like an O. I thought it might be the pressure of baby making so we backed off and decided to let it happen when it happens. I have let much of this lack of intimacy go as pressure, his age(31) and training on my part (for one sided sex). But it still hurts and has been causing a lot of issues. Its not only lack of sex but intimacy, no kissing, hugging or any touching. My H spends a lot of time with friends hanging out. I don' suspect cheating at all. He says he gets bored at home by himself since I get off work later than him. My H can also be very mean during fights, name calling and lots of yelling. I mention that as well because for quiet sometime I have been thinking of leaving and its not just about sex. Fast forward to a couple of days ago.... We were both in bed at a decent hour, I tried to initiate and he was not into it. We started talking about it but not fighting. We've had some discussions in the past not this time about low T testing. He came out and told me that he was sick of getting the brunt of the blame and that he finally needed to say something. He isn't attracted to me. I've gotten fat and it is a turn off. Thats the real reason he never wants to have sex with me. He expressed that he still loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't feel like sex because of it. I can't tell you how crushing that is. I wasn't even aware this was an issue. Yes I've put on weight since meeting him, but I was in high school and have always been curvy. When I say curvy I mean I was a size 8 in HS and am now a 12. He has aged as well, putting on weight, thinning hair/growing back hair. I just assumed it was us getting older. I have not let myself go and put an effort into my appearance daily. So the reason for this post. I am not happy, haven't been for a while and want to leave. But, I don't know anything different and I'm scared. I can't go back once I leave. My H is a good guy, will be a great father and provider. He ticks off most of my boxes. I've been worried that intimacy is not that big of a deal. I realize it probably will not get better but have been going back and forth whether I can live with that. Now after his "confession" I don't think I can stay and know I will never forget what he said. Again I'm scared to leave, will it get better? Am I crazy for leaving? Can we work past it? (Note: He absolutely refuses MC) I know marriage is something to take seriously but we don't have kids and won't until this is resolved. | |||
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