| Okay, I'll give you a "quick" run down of the situation; We've been together for 5 years now, he's been suffering with depression since he was 16 (We are now 23). He's been on medication for 4 years now (his mom and him decided he would start taking the medication without consulting me, not a big deal any more but it obviously still bothers me or I wouldn't bring it up...) Only in the last year has he gone to see a therapist for his depression, cognitive behavioural therapy. In these last 4 years I've basically supported him financially, emotionally, and physically. He's been in school (university, he does not complete his classes and barely attends) and works once to twice a week. During our relationship I've been working full time and attending university full time, I've just finished with a B.A. in Psych. Even when he spends 80% of his time at home he doesn't clean, cook, or take care of the car - he just plays videos games, hangs out with his friends and reads. On top of my sometimes 12 hours a day of work (I'm a youth care worker, I do crazy shift work), I have to come home and still clean up after him and make sure he's eaten (because if I don't feed him he will starve) - and this is now that I'm done school, I don't even remember existing while doing all this plus university. Basically, I'm tired. I'm tired of coming home and having to console him so that he can be a normal human being. I feel like whenever he's sad this immense well of frustration gathers in my chest. I understand depression, I work with it every day in youth, but I feel like he's just sucked every ounce of empathy out of me. In therapy we are working on responsibility and learning to keep his word when he says he's going to do something (like the laundry). However, many months later he is still having a hard time just finishing the laundry - or telling me when the engine light comes on in the car. It's frustrating. And when I bring up a complaint about something (such as the car engine light) he freaks out and cries and goes "I've been trying so hard but it never gets better". I feel like I am his mother, not his partner. We haven't had sex in 4 months because I don't feel any attraction to him any more - which I'm sure isn't helping his depression. I'm short with him now, I'm quick to anger and frustration. I'm questioning my love for him, do I really want to get married to him? If it's like this now, what will it be like when we have kids, etc. I am at the point where I feel like I need to take a few weeks away from him to re-evaluate our relationship. To see if I still want to be in it. But can I do this with someone who is so depressed he can't even make himself food to live? Is it okay for me to pack up and go to my moms for 2 weeks? Will this make our relationship better or is it just an excuse to break up? TL;DR - Fiancé with depression - I'm feeling burnt out - Can I take a break from him? Thanks for any responses, I appreciate them all. | |||
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