| I've been married for 2 years with a good man. I'm young, 23, and he is 10 years older. We have no children, we have dated 1 year before getting married and half of these 3 years together we had to live in different countries (for several reasons). In the beginning he kept saying that sex was important for him and that sex with me was great. However, he has experienced some stress in his professional life. I thought it was just a phase, but it seems like it won't go away. The stress started shortly after we started dating and persists until today. As a consequence, our intimacy was dramatically affected. E.g., the first time we had sex we did it 7 times in 24h. I thought "wow, we match!". But nowadays we do it maybe 2 or 3 times a month. If we do it that little now, what about in 10 years, 20 years? And what when we have kids and will be much busier? I tried to talk about it with my H but he blames it on stress of his job, and that after 30 he doesn't feel like having sex as often (!). He says I should just come to him whenever I want (but should I be the only one to initiate all the time?). Sometimes I come to him but he says he's not in the mood for whatever reason. Also, I don't really feel much pleasure during sex, I never had an orgasm during intercourse with ANY men, but I do have them by myself with or without physical stimulation. I tried to overcome this issue by spending some time and guide him but he gets bored and says he can't spend much time in preliminaries or he loses the interest. He is a great, responsible and generous man and the last thing I want is to hurt him. But I think we lost the link as a couple. I am young and I feel I already lost any opportunity of ever enjoying sex and feel that someone wants me. I don't like the idea of living my whole life like that. And if I feel I lost the link, then I also don't feel like having kids (at least right now, I lost that desire. I used to want it but he doesn't). That undermines my long-term goals... Do you guys think it is just a new phase of marriage or there's something more serious? I read all those stories about the different stages, but they mostly relate to personal divergences and not the sex issues. Did I rush to get married and should have waiting longer? Or is it something most couples go through? I think the stress was real in the beginning but then it became an excuse. We are healthy, fit and attractive. I'm pretty sure he's not cheating on me. I don't think he wants to get away from me either, but I think he's okay with setting with little sex and little intimacy in marriage. I'm starting to notice he's a bit lazy with everything that involves personal relations, including his own family. He is a good man and I might not ever find someone who would treat me as nice as he does but I'm not so sure I can be happy with this situation... It breaks my heart to think of the worse. Please, let me know your opinions on this! Sorry if it's too long. | |||
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