| You've played it pretty straight with me thus far, so I'm going to ask for your help once more. Please read my previous posts for background. My husband and I have another MC appointment this afternoon. The last time we went, he told me that he felt attacked and ganged up on, because the therapist saw several of the things that I had previously pointed out to him. My IC therapist recommended a couple of books on anger management that are specifically for men. So, I went out and bought them. Hubs said he probably wouldn't read them, because he doesn't like to read. I've asked him to go to a therapist both to talk and to get his anti-depressants adjusted. He's been on the same meds at the same dosage for about four years, so I'm sure they're no longer effective. He thinks therapy is a waste of time. However, he does think that I should start taking anti-depressants. I keep telling him that I'm not clinically depressed. I KNOW what's causing my problems, and I want to feel my way through them to a resolution. My daughter and I still maintain our relationship, but it's very strained. She can't come over here, and if I go visit her or talk to her on the phone, I get the third degree from my husband. I moved here to be near my older kids and my grandchildren. I dreamed of big holiday dinners and birthday parties and other things that Memaws are supposed to do with their grandbabies. I can't do that, now, because my husband can't seem to be in the same vicinity as my daughter. I've asked for more intimacy. Men on the forum said that women should be very specific in what they want. I thought I was. I told him that I needed him to sit near me, and touch me, i.e. hold my hand, stroke my leg, play with my hair, any form of physical contact. I told him that I didn't want to be kissed like I was his mother, but like I was his lover. Nothing happened, so I pretty much threw myself at him a week ago and gave him a deep, passionate kiss. After I withdrew, I told him that is what I needed. A demonstration is pretty specific, right? Since that time, I've received one half-hearted attempt at a real kiss. So, here I am going to IC, MC, rereading "Codependent No More," and continuing to take care of him like a mother would. He, on the other hand, refuses to do anything more to reconcile with my daughter, only goes to MC with me because it's what I want to do, refuses IC, and won't read the books that I've given him to help with one area of our relationship. I have given other people advice, here, that staying for the sake of the kids is the wrong thing to do. Quite simply, I suck at taking my own good advice. I've been faking in for my son's sake for quite a while, and I fear his reaction if I decide to split our home. If it weren't for him, I would have left long ago. I don't know what else to do to try to make this work. I'll say it. I'm not really very bright. I stayed with my first husband (the cheating, abusive alcoholic) for two years after I found out about his first affair and the physical abuse started. So, if I stayed that long in that situation, how much more difficult is it going to be for me to leave when it's just my feelings involved? I don't know how long to stay and try. I think it was actually easier to deal with my unhappiness when he was blissfully ignorant. Now he knows how I feel and, though he says he'll do anything to make our marriage work, refuses to do anything to help make our marriage work. That's even more difficult. Please advise. I'm clearly too dense to figure this out for myself. Thanks, Mattsmom | |||
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