| Hello everyone, Right now I'm probably feeling the worse I've ever felt. I have a story that I need advice with. So a year ago I met the most amazing person in the entire world, She's honestly the best thing that's litterally ever happened to me. During this year we've had our fights and I wish I wasn't in this situation. So, let me begin by telling you how fucked up I am. So since I was a kid I've been through some disturbing and troubling times. My dad was always on business trips, so he was never around. This caused my mom a lotof stress..The end result..She was drunk a lot. Said some pretty harsh things..was extremely difficult to deal with. This cause a lot of stress growing up and left me feeling alone..With no one to turn too. Now fast forward my life..I'm in grade 6 going into grade 7..I had a minor problem happen to me...but at such a young age and with no one to turn too..It made me feel scared, constantly afriad of everything. It made me feel like a freak and I actually thought that I had a tumor and was going to die..It was infact just hernia located in my testicles which made me believe it was a tumor. So growing up with this made me paranoid and scared..I always felt fear..everyday of my life entire life. All the way until I turned 19. I met some random whore who manipulated me and made me trust her. I never fully trusted her be cause I can't trust anyone. I knew I didn't want to be with this girl but I felt trapped because she knew about my problem and she had completle control over me. She would cheat and lie and tell me how much she loved me and everytime she cheated I stayed with her. This girl put me through hell and back..It was the turning point in my life I needed. One day I went straight to the hospital despite all my aniexty and fear and confronted the biggest obstacle in my life. Turns out I wasn't dying. And all those years of suffering from fear, aniexty was for nothing. I was so relieved. I felt alive and happy..I was smiling but it wasn't fake anymore. However all those years feeling the way I did and going through a horrible first relationship made me a complete and total mess. I have a hard time trusting people, I have a hard time believing anything anyone ever tells me. Now all these problems of mine is causing me to lose the best thing that's ever happened to me. The girl I'm with has changed me drastically. Although I still suffer mentally, I feel better and better everyday. The shit I keep pulling on this girl kills me inside..I keep accusing her..You don't love, You don't care. I'm always jumping to outrageous conclusions. And over stupid little fights I blow them out of proportion..Tonight I said some unforgivable things...I first said I hate you, then I called her selfish...followed by "slut" And I know for a fact I don't hate this girl, she isn't a slut...and she treats me better than anyone ever has in my life. I wish I didn't go through these random anger tantrums and take it out on her. She's given me plenty of chances to smarten up but something she does always triggers this in me cause of my own insecurities. Right now I feel horrible..And I can't focus on anything. What should I do...I need help..I need answers...I need this girl back and I want to make sure this shit never happens again. thanks for reading. | |||
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