| Looking for some feedback on my marriage. Any response would be helpful. Here is some background which I think is helpful to understand my current situation. My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. We are both 36 years old. We have 2 kids, ages 5 and 3, both of whom have autism spectrum disorders (one on the milder end, one a bit more severe). My main problem with our relationship is that the frequency of sex has dwindled. As of today, we haven't had sex in over 6 weeks. We've only had sex 5 times this year. 3 of those times were in January. 4 out of the 5 times were when I took my wife to a nice hotel for the weekend. Sex has gotten more and more infrequent since my wife become pregnant with our second child about 4 years ago. We had zero sex during the last 6 months of her pregnancy. After our son was born, another 3 months went by before we had sex. Then it was probably once a week, which for me was difficult to handle, especially when the Saturday night sex turned out to be lacklaster from lack of effort on her part, which was common. We fought about it a lot and for a while we agreed that we would try to have sex 2 times per week. That lasted for a couple of months, but it was totally unsatisfying and actually humiliating because it was cleary duty sex on the part of my wife. Our fights grew more and more frequent and we started fighting about everything, not just sex. But for me, sex was underlying everything. I was just so frustrated all of the time that I had no patience for her. I started drinking more. We really weren't getting along at all and we had some pretty epic screaming matches. We started going to marriage therapy at her insistence. I realized that although I had legitimate grievances, my attitude had become part of the problem. I quit drinking completely. I tried to be more pleasant generally. I started seeing a therapist on my own and began to take anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication. I started surfing very early in the morning before work and doing yoga daily. I am currently in the best physical shape of my life (six pack abs, the whole deal). Over the course of about 18 months I believe I made some major improvements in myself. And yet, the sex has continued to grow more infrequent. Two years ago I was angry that it was only once a week. Now it is once every 4-6 weeks. It makes me very sad. My wife knows this because we discussed it frequently in marriage counseling. Two weeks ago I told her I no longer wanted to continue marriage counseling because I did not think it was improving our relationship. She was very upset by this. I am not trying to sound arrogant, but I believe a lot of women would be interested in me even though my wife apparently is not. I make about $300,000 per year. My wife does not work outside of the home. We have a live in nanny that helps out with the kids full time. We have a cleaning lady, lawn service, etc, etc. My wife cooks only 1-2 meals per week. She is not overburdened with household tasks. I am a pretty good looking guy. I look at my male friends, many of whom are bald, have beer guts, etc. I am educated, in good shape, tall and make good money. I can imagine that I sound ****y, but I think this is relevant. My wife is very attractive. She works out a lot and has a ridiculously good body for a woman in her mid-late 30s. It makes it extremely difficult for me to be around her. I almost wish she would get fat. She used to dress up in lingerie a lot and the sex was very passionate and hot. She threw all of her lingerie 3 years ago. To me, it's almost like she decided she was done with having a sex life. Anyway, I think that's enough background. I'd be very interested to hear ideas about anything I could/should do about this. | |||
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