Need Marriage Advice

I have been divorced once. I met my wife now and married her after being single 3 years from my first wife. We've been married now for 13 years. My wife is very smart. Hardheaded or stubborn. She is tough and not very loving or affectionate. When we were dating, everything was about me. After marriage, everything changed. It was all about her. Then we have 2 beautiful boys. They are 10 and 7. My first marriage lasted for 10 years. I had 2 daughters at the time of the split. They were 6 and 4. The first divorce blindsided me. I didn't even see it coming. I bought her a car on a Friday and she left me in it on Monday. Anyway, My wife and I did Ok for the first few years. But she has been becoming more and more distant. Sex was more predictable. Eventually becoming where all she would do was just lay there. We haven't had sex but 3 times the last year. Once I didn't finish, second she stopped it cause I was going too slow. Next she stopped it cause I was going too fast. When I look at her now, I just see hate in her eyes. I try to discuss our problems and it's all me. I've offered to attend counseling, she is not interested. I do love her and want things to work, but I just don't know how. I try to have general conversations about our day. Try to make a joke to lighten the mood and hear "That's about the stupidest **** I ever heard. Why would you even think that?". I've talked about us but not me. I like to think I am laid back and flexible. I do chores around the house. I cook, do some cleaning and laundry. I am not the neatest person in the world. I take good care of our boys and I am very active with them and their activities. She does say that I am a good father and that she could not have chosen better. But that has been the only praise I have gotten from her in 13 years. I have tried to complement her on her looks, the things she does (she is very crafty). I don't get anything from her. When we have tried to voice complaints about each other, one of my biggest is that. I have told her that even a dog likes a pat on the head from time to time. It hurts to look at her and see how miserable I am making her. I love her and don't want to lose her. I don't want to have our family break up. I would like to fix our relationship, but I don't have a clue. I was reading some of the other posts and seen some of the books some of you are reading and I am going to try to get them and work on things. I would like to have some feedback. I know this was a long rambling. Probably didn't make any sense. And totally from my side of things. I look at it and I just don't know what she wants from me. I work full time, in grad school full time, coaching 2 baseball teams....I just don't get it.

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