| Fist off, Thank you all for taking the time to help. About us, I'm 40 she's 38. Together for 22 years married 12, 2 daughters under 10 years old. 8 months ago I got the I love you but speech from my wife and that she was done and wanted divorce. I was blown away... you know the story. I quickly talked her into MC and she only agreed for reasons of getting along for the girls sake. She had emotionally turned herself off to me and was avoiding me at all costs. We had tons of built up resentment although I didn't know what that meant at the time. Long story short I'm amazed at how good I feel after working on removing the resentment, working out, eating right, and doing a lot more around the house to help out. I didn't realize that my self esteem had been so low. I just figured there's something wrong with my wife (depression) and she needed help. Here it is 8 months later and we are getting along much better and she recently agreed to individual counceling. On Valentines Day I got my first hug and kiss on the cheek since the speech. I almost cried, but my kids were in the room. I have read a few books and tons of articles, then stumbled upon this site and figured I would share my story and possible get some advise. My first question is how do I know when to give her space and when push for quality time (her love language) like going to dinner and movies... What i'm doing seems to be working but very slowly and I feel like i'm moving eternally into the friend category which isn't quite what I'm looking for. I should say we still have sex but not like in love couples do. The rule was no hugging, kissing, snuggling but we can have sex once a month. I don't pressure her about sex anymore and that seems to help out a lot, but still no affection except for valentines day which was awesome. I'm sure I left out a lot so if you have questions ask away. Oh and I have never cheated, abused drugs, or been physically abusive. She had never cheated and gets emotional fulfillment from friends at work (I call them man haters, cheaters, or on the brink of divorce themselves). She started working there 2 years ago and most of the detachment started six months later. She originally started going quiet and feeling sad all the time when our second child was born 7 years ago, but wouldn't talk to me about it at all. Anyways, any advise is much appreciated. | |||
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