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insecurity, trust, and jealousy

I am sure just the title explains a lot...I have been married for almost twelve years....three kids....and I don't really trust my husband. I am extremely insecure, I don't really like myself, so I have a hard time believing that my husband does either. I constantly fear that he wishes he wasn't with me and that he flirts at work. Pornography almost ruined our marriage about 9 years ago. I don't trust anything he says. I find myself pushing him away emotionally. I don't want to push him so far away that we can't fix it. I don't want to help him prove me right. Can anyone suggest books or sites that might help with understanding jealousy, insecurity, or trust issues?? Can't afford counseling and desperately want to stop feeling this way. Thanx




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