| Hi. I left a few months ago in a toddler tantrum. I am told I never had tantrums as a toddler or child, but when I found out about my cheating spouse I became a toddler and ranted on this forum to anyone when I felt attacked in the past here and handled it poorly.:( I have since grown up a few years now - after many months of therapy for my post traumatic stress syndrome - yes it is very real, and 3 twelve step meeting a week - for spouses.:o I hope I will be accepted back into this community, now that I have grown and am not as co-dependent as I was.:) My question for anyone who wants to answer is simple: Am I a complete putz to stay with someone who has cheated on me our whole relationship and did it during work hours so I'd never find out, with porn daily, strippers (the whole nine yard touching, grinding, grabbing, trying for intercourse), massage parlors (intercourse, bjs, hand jobs, sponge baths of all things), street prostitute, call girl, and peep shows. No, I don't need to go onto the addiction thread - I deal with that several hours a week in person, thanks a head of time. I have a toddler (hence I know I acted like one here) and I am not financially sound. Leaving right now is not available to me, but am trying to find ways possibly in the future. My spouse is going to meetings, will be attending group counseling and goes to IC. He is willing to do whatever it takes, now that I found out. So, how much of a putz am I, people? Just wondering what others here think that have never ever been even close to being in this predicament, possibly. My daughter is so happy, she loves us both so much we are so lucky, it's unbelievable. She is also gifted as she has been tested by psychiatrists who tell me I must work hard with her and find her the right schools,etc. See, all this is on my mind also. I owe her happiness and safety.And her father is quite amazing with her. He was not amazing with me, but with her, amazing - even if he didn't think he put her health in danger when I was pregnant - he was very selfish regarding his sex with prostitutes...yes, I know, I know -- I have let him have it 100's of times regarding that. But again, I am sorry for how I acted in the past. I couldn't take any criticism and my wounds were so deep as if I my skin had been shredded off, skinned alive and I was put in scalded water...sick imagery, but honest. I've gotten so much help in person, but enjoy browsing here still and have learned so much now - I couldn't learn before, you see. I was completely in denial and unable to listen, I could hear, but not take in or listen, only react. Thanks. | |||
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