Can't Sleep - Can't Stop Thinking

After nearly a month, I saw my husband today. No interaction. The OW was driving him to work - I was driving by. It didn't really affect me too much. I wasn't sad, angry, or hysterical. I just noticed them and said, "Well, there they go." In general, today (I say today, but I really mean Friday) has been pretty blah. I stayed home from work today because I am sick. Sickness always puts me in a generally crappy mood. Throughout this entire experience, I have never really been angry with him. I felt otherwise today, though. I just kept thinking, "How could he do this? He didn't even bother talking to me about anything, he just left." He never told me that he was thinking about leaving - he just did it. He didn't even tell me that I shouldn't bother buying him Christmas presents because I should save my money to pay bills since he would be dipping out on those, too. I have been lying in bed for the last hour and a half just thinking. Were they in my bed? While I was at work? In my car? My roommates bedroom? Are they both lying to his family or does his family really not care? Should I really want to R after all this? Will I even be able to? Do I really forgive him or is it just easier than being angry with him? Does he think about me? Does he miss me? Does he have any regrets? Why won't he just talk to me? How long do I have to wait? When will the idea of talking to other guys no longer make me sick to my stomach? Is it worth it? Can we really have something better and stronger than before? Why won't he just talk to me? Should I pack the rest of his things? Did he leave them here on purpose? Is he really planning on coming back or is that just something he said? I wish the OW would throw herself into the fiery pits of Mordor. You can read my story on my blog: My Journey to Self Discovery

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