Help please, marital rape or no??

Hello everyone, I am new, so hello. If you have a moment, please advise. I have been married for over 10 years and have 2 kids. I am writing because I am so incredibly confused and would really appreciate some objective opinions. I recently found out (3 months ago) that my 6 year old daughter has likely been sexually abused. She is not talking at all and denies anything has ever happened to her, and even the police believe that she doesn't think she's been sexually abused. But she has serious anxiety and self esteem issues, and she acted out in a sexual way with another child that made a therapist and CPS tell me that 100% she has been taught about sexual behavior by an adult. It involved very adult behavior and bribing. I recently found a text between my husband and a buddy of his that was sleezy all around, mostly about hot chicks at bars, but it also mentioned that they wished they had gotten "blow jobs and baby girls" while out. He says that "baby girl" comment was a movie reference to the movie swingers, but because of that, I asked him to give me his computers and phone to investigate and make sure he wasn't involved in hurting my daughter. When the computer forensics person went through his stuff, he didn't find anything, but he found that many years of data were missing, and my husband eventually admitted that he thrown away 2 computers that had such horrible things on them that he threw them away, out of fear I would find them. He says that the reason he threw away the computers was because what was on these computers was him taping me (without my knowledge) naked, getting dressed, taking showers, and him touching me when I was sleeping. He says that he ejaculated on me when I was sleeping, and had sex with me in the anus which he knew I (although I tried a couple times but hated and he knew that) hated and never wanted him to do. He says he especially did it when he was mad at me and/or when I was drinking. He videotaped these things and watched them over the last 3 years and jerked off to them. Questions to you all: Is this rape? Why is he taping me? I have consented to taping once before so why is he doing it without my consent? Could he be hurting my daughter? he denies it completely and my daughter loves him so much. I am so confused. I want my family to be intact, but I can't believe he took advantage of me in a violent way and jerked off to it for years, and I think because he threw away two computer there could be more than he admitted to. He swears he threw the computers away because he was scared I would find the sleeping sex videos. Help, please.

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