To divorce or just keep trying?

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have been together for 12 years. When we first met, we got along great! We spent time together talking, hanging out, and laughing together. He has been unfaithful at least twice that I know of and I have tried to forgive him. We are complete opposites but in the past, this made us interested in each other. For the last 3 years, I feel like our marriage has fallen apart. My husband has always had intimacy issues and I accepted them as part of him (i.e. he always brings the newspaper to dinner and didn't actually tell me he loved me until our wedding day.) However, I now feel as though our marriage and family is a burden to him. We have a 2 year old daughter that we struggled to conceive for 6 years. My husband had no interest in my pregnancy, only went to one doctor's appt with me, spent the last few months of my pregnancy at the bar at least 5 nights a week, and had almost nothing to do with our baby for the first year. He has made improvements in this area but now I feel like the one that is being blamed for how miserable his life is. I walk on eggshells most days to keep him from complaining or being just overall negative. We rarely talk. When he comes home from work, there is no eye contact and no talking. He walks in, takes his boots off and heads straight for the shower. Most of the time, I have dinner done and on the table when he gets home even though I too work a full time job. The baby and I eat dinner at the kitchen table while he eats sitting at the computer. He spends about 30 minutes playing with our daughter but after she goes to bed, he is back on the computer with headphones on. Finally when he is ready for bed, he just gets up and goes. No goodnights or anything. I feel like we are roommates. He is extremely resentful that he has to work because I don't make more money. He blames me because he can't just go to the bar with his work buddies when he wants. I have tried to talk with him about this several times over the last few years. I have tried to be sensitive to what makes him unhappy. I have literally spelled out what I need from him (i.e. I tell him what I need to hear at any given time.) He is so angry and depressed and I have no more energy to fix things. I have spent the last 12 years putting him first and he has spent the last 12 years putting him first…and now, I feel like there is nothing left for me. I would ideally like him to change…to be a positive person who laughs and doesn't take himself or everyone else so seriously. I would like for him to appreciate me for loving him and hug me every once in a while. It would be nice to have a conversation that didn't feel forced. However, I really feel like this is unreasonable because it is essentially asking for him to change his personality. I am contemplating a divorce because I am tired of trying to find creative ways to feel loved. Is there a way to save our marriage or is it too far gone? He has refused marriage counseling several times. Any input is appreciated.

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