| I am in a 10 year relationship. We have always been good together and have 2 kids (6 and 1) and have bought a house together. About 5 years ago, my partners mum passed away. She went through horrible anxiety and depression. She was really nasty for a long time and refused to get help. I stuck by her and saw her through it, till she was ready to see the doctor. I knew it wasn't her, she wasn't as horrible as she was being. I knew once she got help she would be back to the person I loved. Now the shoe is on the other foot and it's me with the anxiety and depression. About October/November 2012 I was having a lot of trouble at work (bullying boss), we were told there were going to be redundancies. I starting getting ill, but didn't know. At the same time, my other half decided she would go from being home all the time, to wanting to be out 4-5 nights a week. I had always trusted her 100%, until all this started. My mum started putting doubts in my head at the same time - asking me if I knew what she was actually upto. A doubt I had never had before then. I started trying to ask her to stay in more, and stop staying round her mates every weekend (when they went to pub). I started checking her phone etc as it went on for so long - I know it was wrong, but I had doubts in my head and she had changed completely. I know she wasn't cheating and just wanted to have fun, I do trust her mates, I've known them for years and they are always with her when she is out. But after 10 years, it was a big change for me to accept. Unfortunately, I tried laying down the law, saying I wanted her in for more nights than shes out and asking her to only stay out every other weekend. After all we do have two small kids and I didn't think it was fair for me to have to sort them out every night after a long day at work. So, she started to do the opposite, was going out 5-6 nights a week and staying out every Friday night. I kept asking her to sort it - but she refused. I said some horrible things, like she was never happy no matter what I gave or did for her. She recently decided she wanted to call thing off completely. So, I moved into a friends house. Not nice, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. I had a breakdown at work, I couldn't stop crying and couldn't see that I had any future. I missed my children so much, but I could only see them at the weekend now, due to work. I went to the doctors and they said I have really high levels of Anxiety and Depression. The Depression I can understand, I'm missing my family so much. Looking back, the Anxiety explains a lot about the way I behaved. A lot of things I said we caused by the same thing. I had never acted like that in the 10 years we were together. I started to explain to her that the things I said and did were becuase I was ill, like she was when her mum died. But while I was prepared to put up with it, she just wanted me to move out !!!!! I've been trying to get her to understand that if I wasn't ill, I wouldn't have behaved or thought like that. And she is refusing to see it. I put up with it for months. It seems so unjust that she can't see why I behaved the way I did coz she was changing and I was ill. Does anyone think she will come round, given time, now I have identified they key issue causing our breakup? Or am I wasting my time on her. | |||
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