| Over the last four to five years my family life has been... Turbulent at the best of times. I have three younger siblings (I am the eldest). The middle child who is currently 16 has pretty much made our lives a misery. my sister is heavily into drugs (mainly cannabis but also speed and ecstacy) and alcohol. Has self harmed in the past, struggles with an eating disorder (though the doctors argue this isn't "true" anorexia and its merely a symptom of her drug abuse. She was hospitalised very briefly over the summer but has since returned to her old ways. Stealing from family members. Going missing for days at a time. Really the list is endless. On one hand, I feel very sorry for her, she's mentally ill and i probably should support her but I can no longer do so. im currently at university and I genuinely find it difficult to deal with my family drama even from the opposite end of the country. I feel as though often, my parents don't contact me to see how I'm doing, or ask how I am but to complain about whatever drama my sister has caused now. my parents are entirely different people from the parents I knew growing up, the argue a lot now...and argue about what's best for my sister, I feel resentful of her because she causes them to argue and it disrupts my youngest sisters life who I'm very protective of and I believe it's genuinely cruel of my 16 year old sister to have subjected her to such emotional upset. She went as far as to "fake an overdose" a few months ago because she got herself kicked out of college (she was skipping class to go get high with friends and was given plenty of warning by the college before they did indeed kick her out). She claimed to have taken a bunch of pills, her bloodwork was clean, and then made a fuss in the hospital by refusing the come home (she thinks my parents are unreasonable for not letting her out until 5AM every night). All of this was going on as my other sister was in the hospital genuinely sick and waiting for an operation. A couple of years ago I began to suffer with anxiety, it began with trouble sleeping, eating ect. I began to get pain in my stomach which my doctors believe is related to emotional stress. I've been hospitalised a few times due to stomach pain so bad I needed morphine which is "undiagnosed". My hair has thinned out a great deal (and falls out quite a bit these days). I grind my teeth to the point of inflaming my gums. i have panic attacks and during my second year of university I became somewhat afraid to leave my house to do anything other than my everyday scheduled day (work, uni) I found it difficult to go into class and would have panic attacks frequently... Which I still do. i told my parents a few weeks ago that if they wanted to continue to attempt to have a relationship with my sister, then that was fine, I support them in that choice but told them that I couldn't do that anymore. I have no interest in having her in my life now, or in the foreseeable future.. And that I wouldn't be returning home for the mean time for visits ect. the way I think of it, I've got to look after myself. My parents seem blind to the endless anxiety symptoms I'm displaying or my own depression, and simply out it down to "stress from university". i feel like I'm taking the best route out for me, but I've been accused of being "childish" and that I should "grow up". I also get the "you love your sister really" line ALOT. which angers me because I don't fully understand why people can assume to know how I'm feeling. It's probably horrible to say but my life is no richer for having my sister in it. Quite the opposite, and whilst I don't wish death on her or anything I certainly wish she wasn't around. any advice? Do you think I'm correct to stay away? sorry this is so long, thanks if you stuck with me till the end. | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment