I don't know how I can ever be "normal" again.
1.5 years ago I was SA by a neighbors adult son. He pushed me up against a wall and kissed/groped me. I froze at first and eventually kissed him back before pushing him off of me. I don't know why I kissed back, I was married, caught off guard, no attraction to him, there was no reason for me to respond, I don't know why I did. The whole thing lasted under a minute. In under a minute my life was forever changed. I didn't tell my husband about the SA, even when he asked if anything happened, because if I did then I was admitting to myself that it happened. I just wanted to forget about that night, sweep it under the rug and keep on moving forward.
My husband found out and now wants a divorce because I lied when he asked me. I just don't know how to explain to him how I felt. Violated, assaulted, demeaning, powerless, and the loss of control you feel. It isn't something I want to talk about. The more I think about what happened, the more I'm getting flashbacks, and I just want to forget. Then again, how could I ever forget that night? I will never forgive myself for drinking that night.
I guess I'm more venting than anything. My husband of 16 years is walking away from our marriage and all I want is his arms around me. It's so frustrating knowing the guy that SA me isn't losing anything. I am losing my soulmate, best friend, the love of my life. It's not freaking fair. I hate myself more each time I look in the mirror. My husband doesn't want to talk about it. It's NOT FAIR.
I know I should have never lied to my husband, it just hurt to bad to admit what happened. I just wanted to forget the most demeaning thing that has ever happened to me. The most embarrassing, violating, powerless, and hurtful thing that has ever happened to me.
I just wish my husband realized how you feel after a SA. I don't think he even cares. I don't know what hurts more, my husband walking out when I needed him the most, or knowing someone took advantage of me and ruined my life.
I'm trying to be a survivor, but it's so hard losing your best friend over someone else's actions.
Does anyone have advice they can give me? I desperatly want to save my marriage.
1.5 years ago I was SA by a neighbors adult son. He pushed me up against a wall and kissed/groped me. I froze at first and eventually kissed him back before pushing him off of me. I don't know why I kissed back, I was married, caught off guard, no attraction to him, there was no reason for me to respond, I don't know why I did. The whole thing lasted under a minute. In under a minute my life was forever changed. I didn't tell my husband about the SA, even when he asked if anything happened, because if I did then I was admitting to myself that it happened. I just wanted to forget about that night, sweep it under the rug and keep on moving forward.
My husband found out and now wants a divorce because I lied when he asked me. I just don't know how to explain to him how I felt. Violated, assaulted, demeaning, powerless, and the loss of control you feel. It isn't something I want to talk about. The more I think about what happened, the more I'm getting flashbacks, and I just want to forget. Then again, how could I ever forget that night? I will never forgive myself for drinking that night.
I guess I'm more venting than anything. My husband of 16 years is walking away from our marriage and all I want is his arms around me. It's so frustrating knowing the guy that SA me isn't losing anything. I am losing my soulmate, best friend, the love of my life. It's not freaking fair. I hate myself more each time I look in the mirror. My husband doesn't want to talk about it. It's NOT FAIR.
I know I should have never lied to my husband, it just hurt to bad to admit what happened. I just wanted to forget the most demeaning thing that has ever happened to me. The most embarrassing, violating, powerless, and hurtful thing that has ever happened to me.
I just wish my husband realized how you feel after a SA. I don't think he even cares. I don't know what hurts more, my husband walking out when I needed him the most, or knowing someone took advantage of me and ruined my life.
I'm trying to be a survivor, but it's so hard losing your best friend over someone else's actions.
Does anyone have advice they can give me? I desperatly want to save my marriage.
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