My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me last month and I'm still not completely over it. This is made worse by the fact that we're still living together for another 2 months until our contract runs out. Luckily we have a second spare bedroom where I'm sleeping. We do get on quite well now that we don't have the responsibility of a relationship, so we still chat after work and watch some tv before going to sleep.
We were best friends who did everything together for 3 years. Now that he finished uni, has a job, money and free time, he's off doing exciting things and drinking like he did when you are a fresher and realised that he doesn't see a future with me. I'm in my last year of studying and I've been working every night and can't go out until 6am because I have work to do the next day.
This is all made harder by the fact that he tells me I'm still the best person he's ever met in his life, I'm still beautiful, I'm the only person he can trust with anything. That he wouldn't have actually been able to survive this breakup if I wasn't there to help him (because he's upset about it and the rest of the things in his life quite often and I'm there for him). That his favourite part of the day is normally coming home to me and chatting and me making him feel positive after he's had a hard day. And he's always been a great guy, doesn't normally mean to hurt people, and I'm enjoying still living with him. However I have finally accepted that I don't want to be with him either.
I've lost myself in the relationship recently. I used to have so many guys interested in me, I used to dress really nicely and have loads of self esteem. Because I moved to an area to be with him where the only people I know are our mutual friends, who are nice to hang out with but not 1 on 1, I don't really have many friends here. I don't make an effort with what I wear and I feel really ugly and like no one could want me again.
He's hanging out with some 18/19/20 year old uni students whilst he's 23, going on their surfing trips, and he's surrounded by beautiful young carefree people. It's really hard on me now that I feel so unwanted and that he comes home to me and I make him feel better about himself and his life everyday, but then he goes out and gets drunk and has a carefree time with his younger friends and that's what he really wants. I used to be really fun when I had some spare time, I used to get on with everyone and get invited out because people liked me, and now I'm stuck alone this weekend and I barely speak to anyone.
I'm doing teacher training and there aren't that many opportunities to meet people here, I'm at a school and everyone works until 7 then goes home. I know a few people still from uni, but it's mostly like a single person not a group. Many of my friends have changed since uni.
I miss having a really close group of friends. I miss feeling like someone wanted to spend time with me. I miss going out and having fun, but I can no longer afford to go out clubbing til 6am. I feel lonely and I don't feel appreciated, because no matter how much my ex tells me I am the most amazing person he's ever met, he doesn't want to be with me so I can't be that amazing. I used to have a bit of a slutty phase at uni but now the idea of even kissing another person makes me feel anxious, let alone having sex with someone I don't know. I start a job in September, and now that my ex and I are not together I'm going to have to find a professional houseshare in London for next year, which I find terrifying.
I'm not sure if this post makes much sense but I'm just so lost what to do in life.
Put the internet to work for you.
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