Hello!
In the last few months I've realised that things just aren't working out between my boyfriend of 1.5 years and me. I think I've fallen out of love with him and I just don't see a future with him sadly.
I know I have to break up with him soon, but the problem is that I'm so worried about how he'll cope. He relies on me so much and that's one reason why I want to break up because I often feel like his mum rather than his partner. He isn't the most independent of people and I have to remind him to do things (e.g. appointments he's forgotten he has or to do his washing...etc).
He was really shy when we met and didn't have many friends at all, but in the last 1.5 years he's met all my friends and we all go out together. When we break up he'll lose his social life as I doubt he'll continue meeting up with my mates and he doesn't have many of his own to hang out with.
I care for him so much, but I'm really worried how he would cope by himself again. I don't mean to make myself sound like I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but you won't believe how much I help him out - it's exhausting and I feel drained. I don't feel like it's a partnership at all - I feel like I'm looking after him.
We live together and I pay all the rent as he doesn't have a job. He is looking and has been to many interviews, but sometimes I feel he could look a bit harder, but doesn't as he knows I'll cover the rent. This is why I can't break up with him now as he won't be able to afford the flat himself (if I were to move out and he stay). But I don't know how longer I can keep acting like everything's ok.
He keeps mentioning new things we could get for the flat and I try and change the subject as I know we soon won't be living together and it makes no sense for us to be getting new furniture. We had a talk about 2 months ago and almost ended up breaking up, but decided to give it another go. Since then it's got worse for me, but he seems to think everything's fine even though I'm being distant with him and can't bring myself to show much affection to him and we haven't had sex for weeks!
I even find myself planning to meet up with friends more so that I can spend less time with him so he doesn't bring up more flat ideas or future plans. I know this isn't normal :(
He's not had the best of lives and recently told me he's so glad he has me as everyone he knows leaves him at some point. This killed me :( Also if we break up, his family don't live in the same country and as he doesn't have many friends here I don't know what he'll do or who he could talk to. I feel sick every time I think about breaking up with him because it was destroy him. He really thinks I'm the one and would do ANYTHING for me. But surely I can't be the one for him if the feeling isn't mutual?
I would love to stay in touch with him and help him out, but he doesn't believe in staying friends with exs so I think he would cut contact completely and I can't imagine never seeing him again :(
I just don't know how to end it without badly hurting him. I know it's not fair on either of us to stay together when one of us doesn't see it working out, but I know I can't end it just yet as him being unemployed will depress him even more and he won't be able to cope financially on his own.
Sorry for the long rambling post. Does anyone maybe have any advice or has been in the same situation?
Thanks.
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