My sincere apologies to those who were so kind and supportive when I posted in Considering Divorce or Separation. I kind of felt safer flying under the radar there for awhile. But I wanted to come back and say how much the support meant to me and that I'm doing just fine.
I believe my ex was gaining access to my home and going through my things and I wasn't sure what he had access to and what he didn't. I didn't want to post here, just in case. I know he took my mail sometimes and looked in my windows. I was a bit of a pack rat for awhile, transporting everything important to my car if I wasn't home, then back inside when I got home again. LOL
BUT, that's all over now. I got my property settlement back from the court today. Today, it doesn't matter anymore. He can't torment me with threats or just being a d***head. He can't change his mind or try to bully me into giving him more. The settlement is final, done.
So, there's been big changes to Juno's life. I had a great job. But there was a breakaway group who started their own company and they asked me to join them. I didn't say yes. I said hell yes! I work ten minutes from home now doing the same job I love with the same people. I've managed to make huge progress with the house. Four truck loads to the dump and two industrial bins later and all the junk is gone and the cleanup is definitely under way, although there's a long way to go. My neighbours have been fantastic, offering me wheelbarrows or shovels, since I'm missing half my stuff LOL I have managed to finance my house and have enough to cover everything I owe, and do a couple of urgent fixup jobs and I'll start over from there. I'm on a two year budget plan to be able to purchase a new car.
I didn't win anything, nor did my ex. I don't think I got a great deal on the settlement, nor do I think he did. I got a deal I can live with, and he could too if he wasn't so intent on complaining and putting me in the villain role because I didn't let him walk all over me.
My ex and I have a pretty bad relationship now. We rarely speak, which is sad for the teenagers we have. 19yo son has indicated he thinks his Dad is an idiot, but it's his Dad, so they spend time together and don't talk about the breakup at all. I think he's proud of me, for all the work I've done, and trying to do my best for them. 16yo daughter won't speak to her Dad. She knows I don't agree with that, but at this point I think I need to leave her to be angry, be upset so that she can process it. I might have to rethink the situation with her if it doesn't improve.
I'd like for things to be better between my ex and me. But I've had six months of abuse, most of which I've ignored in order to get our financial and legal negotiations done as quickly as possible. I've been told his alcoholism was because he had to drink to put up with me. I've been told I don't care about my kids, and I'm an irresponsible parent. I've been told our daughter must be angry with him only because I've turned her against him. He told our daughter he wanted to leave me for a long time and tried very hard to love me. He doesn't see that she might have thought that was hurtful. He thought that would make her realize that he'd sacrificed his happiness to keep her family together and that he was a hero. He hasn't given the school his contact details and expects me to keep him informed regarding her grades, because that's my responsibility to keep him informed rather than him arrange to have school correspondence sent to him as well.
I'm not sure what's next with my ex and me. I know for myself, I'm happier and calmer. I'm living a life I'm comfortable in. I smile and laugh most of the time. I make my own decisions without any stress. I'm confident. And yeah, I'm still fairly goofy as well. My kids are fine, still processing the changes, but fine. They laugh. They smile. They dream. They know they can count on me. Maybe in another six months I'll be able to say my ex speaks to me with respect, without bitterness and doesn't insist on criticizing me and making personal attacks. But maybe I won't be able to say that. It's not really up to me. Life is not all roses and chocolate sundaes, but it's not supposed to be.
Thanks everyone.
I believe my ex was gaining access to my home and going through my things and I wasn't sure what he had access to and what he didn't. I didn't want to post here, just in case. I know he took my mail sometimes and looked in my windows. I was a bit of a pack rat for awhile, transporting everything important to my car if I wasn't home, then back inside when I got home again. LOL
BUT, that's all over now. I got my property settlement back from the court today. Today, it doesn't matter anymore. He can't torment me with threats or just being a d***head. He can't change his mind or try to bully me into giving him more. The settlement is final, done.
So, there's been big changes to Juno's life. I had a great job. But there was a breakaway group who started their own company and they asked me to join them. I didn't say yes. I said hell yes! I work ten minutes from home now doing the same job I love with the same people. I've managed to make huge progress with the house. Four truck loads to the dump and two industrial bins later and all the junk is gone and the cleanup is definitely under way, although there's a long way to go. My neighbours have been fantastic, offering me wheelbarrows or shovels, since I'm missing half my stuff LOL I have managed to finance my house and have enough to cover everything I owe, and do a couple of urgent fixup jobs and I'll start over from there. I'm on a two year budget plan to be able to purchase a new car.
I didn't win anything, nor did my ex. I don't think I got a great deal on the settlement, nor do I think he did. I got a deal I can live with, and he could too if he wasn't so intent on complaining and putting me in the villain role because I didn't let him walk all over me.
My ex and I have a pretty bad relationship now. We rarely speak, which is sad for the teenagers we have. 19yo son has indicated he thinks his Dad is an idiot, but it's his Dad, so they spend time together and don't talk about the breakup at all. I think he's proud of me, for all the work I've done, and trying to do my best for them. 16yo daughter won't speak to her Dad. She knows I don't agree with that, but at this point I think I need to leave her to be angry, be upset so that she can process it. I might have to rethink the situation with her if it doesn't improve.
I'd like for things to be better between my ex and me. But I've had six months of abuse, most of which I've ignored in order to get our financial and legal negotiations done as quickly as possible. I've been told his alcoholism was because he had to drink to put up with me. I've been told I don't care about my kids, and I'm an irresponsible parent. I've been told our daughter must be angry with him only because I've turned her against him. He told our daughter he wanted to leave me for a long time and tried very hard to love me. He doesn't see that she might have thought that was hurtful. He thought that would make her realize that he'd sacrificed his happiness to keep her family together and that he was a hero. He hasn't given the school his contact details and expects me to keep him informed regarding her grades, because that's my responsibility to keep him informed rather than him arrange to have school correspondence sent to him as well.
I'm not sure what's next with my ex and me. I know for myself, I'm happier and calmer. I'm living a life I'm comfortable in. I smile and laugh most of the time. I make my own decisions without any stress. I'm confident. And yeah, I'm still fairly goofy as well. My kids are fine, still processing the changes, but fine. They laugh. They smile. They dream. They know they can count on me. Maybe in another six months I'll be able to say my ex speaks to me with respect, without bitterness and doesn't insist on criticizing me and making personal attacks. But maybe I won't be able to say that. It's not really up to me. Life is not all roses and chocolate sundaes, but it's not supposed to be.
Thanks everyone.
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