Married 18 years, 3 kids with the youngest being 8, eldest 15. Marriage pretty good, usual ups and downs.
Mismatched sex drive is our biggest issue, I'm HD and she is ND/LD; at times it would be 1x per month maybe 2x if I really got ****ty with her for not wanting to have any adult fun. This has been the pattern over the past 10 or so years.
When we do make love there is no dysfunction, she will O either with foreplay or PIV and sometimes O twice. We both don't mind watching porn together (have ever since a video fell out of her closet after we first started dating) and she will want to watch a little before making love, no strict type it can be vanilla, lesbian, gay, bi does not really matter to her. She is also very open to trying new things, toys etc so there is no issues with her desire to make out ... its just the starting off.
A few months ago I really got upset with the lack of sex, the lack of her making an effort (sexy nightwear, shaving legs etc) and basically spat the dummy.
We discussed the issue and agreed to both make more of an effort.
I purchased her some new nightwear and the basic premise was she would come to bed 2x per week dressed in the nightwear and we would have some adult fun, it would be my signal she was receptive rather than me asking if we could and thus feeling rejected with the inevitable no. I started to help out a bit more around the house and made an effort to meet her needs.
So here we are, basically it's 2x per week which I'm happy with, of course I'd like it daily if possible, and certainly I'd like her to be more active like in earlier years but I figure she has a few body issues (loosing some weight) but it's pretty good so I'm not complaining.
My issue now is that she has developed over the years an obsession with having to watch porn prior to making love. Does not matter if we go to bed with the intent, or wake up early she has a need to watch porn first. She does not specify a type, as long as it's naked people having a good time she's happy. So off to bed at 10:30, she will then want to watch some TV for an hour or so and then finally watch some porn.... by which time I'm fast asleep or damn close to it.
Unfortunately had an argument about it last night, I was simply too tired at 12am to watch porn before making love. Fast forward to this morning I wanted a little action, she said no, I got stroppy about the need for porn and she left the house in tears....
So any suggestions on how to deal with firstly an upset wife when she gets home (she was very stroppy on the phone earlier) and secondly putting a sensible argument on the table that deals with the 'having to watch porn' issue / feelings I'm having.
FYI I don't dislike the porn, in fact I've bought most of it. I just want to remove it as a crutch to the issue of her getting started.
Mismatched sex drive is our biggest issue, I'm HD and she is ND/LD; at times it would be 1x per month maybe 2x if I really got ****ty with her for not wanting to have any adult fun. This has been the pattern over the past 10 or so years.
When we do make love there is no dysfunction, she will O either with foreplay or PIV and sometimes O twice. We both don't mind watching porn together (have ever since a video fell out of her closet after we first started dating) and she will want to watch a little before making love, no strict type it can be vanilla, lesbian, gay, bi does not really matter to her. She is also very open to trying new things, toys etc so there is no issues with her desire to make out ... its just the starting off.
A few months ago I really got upset with the lack of sex, the lack of her making an effort (sexy nightwear, shaving legs etc) and basically spat the dummy.
We discussed the issue and agreed to both make more of an effort.
I purchased her some new nightwear and the basic premise was she would come to bed 2x per week dressed in the nightwear and we would have some adult fun, it would be my signal she was receptive rather than me asking if we could and thus feeling rejected with the inevitable no. I started to help out a bit more around the house and made an effort to meet her needs.
So here we are, basically it's 2x per week which I'm happy with, of course I'd like it daily if possible, and certainly I'd like her to be more active like in earlier years but I figure she has a few body issues (loosing some weight) but it's pretty good so I'm not complaining.
My issue now is that she has developed over the years an obsession with having to watch porn prior to making love. Does not matter if we go to bed with the intent, or wake up early she has a need to watch porn first. She does not specify a type, as long as it's naked people having a good time she's happy. So off to bed at 10:30, she will then want to watch some TV for an hour or so and then finally watch some porn.... by which time I'm fast asleep or damn close to it.
Unfortunately had an argument about it last night, I was simply too tired at 12am to watch porn before making love. Fast forward to this morning I wanted a little action, she said no, I got stroppy about the need for porn and she left the house in tears....
So any suggestions on how to deal with firstly an upset wife when she gets home (she was very stroppy on the phone earlier) and secondly putting a sensible argument on the table that deals with the 'having to watch porn' issue / feelings I'm having.
FYI I don't dislike the porn, in fact I've bought most of it. I just want to remove it as a crutch to the issue of her getting started.
Put the internet to work for you.
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