Im not sure whats wrong with me ill guess ill start at the start,
I grew up feeling pretty loved so I don't think I have abandonment issues,
I didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 19, I use to watch my friends all
Have g/fs and would wish I had one and would feel so sad that I didn't have one
I would feel no one would ever love me. To make matters worse I suffered
Anxiety from the age of 12, and always was nervous talking with girls.
I have always felt really sexual and had a huge interest in pornography.
My first girlfriend was when I was 19. I thought it was perfect
Until we broke up one day cause she wanted to go out explore etc…
And I think nowadays she regrets it. I didn't really do much then
I stayed home a lot just went to my study course etc..
I was devastated when we did break up. And about 3-4 months later
I found my current girlfriend. We bonded pretty quickly moved in
After a few months, and after a year or two she talked about marriage and kids
With my previous g/f we talked about it but I cant remember if it was something
I really wanted or not, but now I guess im not completely against it because
I did propose. We are good together we have been through a lot
She is great with my family as I am with her,
We have a few arguments here and their I have trouble
Saying my feelings but when I do its when it builds up and I erupt and splatter everything.
So we discussed my conerns of kids and marriage and loosing freedom
But she says I have nothing to fear, we have a good support netowkr with our familes,
And I can still do my shows, (as I am a musician) and can still record.
I don't really go out all that often now, just every so often.
But I feel when I do I get nervous like I should check what shes doing first
Or I try to arrange things around her schedule, when shes working, out and about etc..
Shes not controlling but I feel I don't want to leave her at home while im out having fun
And I feel I try to get home quickly, go out enjoy for a bit then head back.
I don't know why I feel like this but I just don't want to do stuff without her and have her
Angry or upset that im out having fun and shes home….. and I feel so indecisive
When making decsions, I think I just like to know I can just jump up and go out
But in a relationship you need to tell ur partner of plans.
Sometimes I reschedule things because I make plans and
She says oh I was thinking we could do this, and I don't want to let her
Down by saying no… I guess I have a fear of confrontation as well as t commit
Cause my fears go deeper aswell like what if things change in the future or if what
If these commitments get that strong that I need to get out, more of a feeling of being trapped
I sapose…
And the last few months, its like while im having these problems, im noticing models and celebrities
On tv in more of a sexual way. And I feel guilty because of it…
I feel like im resenting her for me not having freedom when it feels like my own insecurities are holding me back am I right??
And its almost like im living my life for me and not us, like I want to be that free man but want that love too..
I do feel I love my fiancée, but I don't want to have these feelings, I know everyone gets uncertainity at times, but why am I dwelling, is this because of my anxiety??
I try to compare my relationship to others and my past. And I don't want to because evry relationship is different.
I grew up feeling pretty loved so I don't think I have abandonment issues,
I didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 19, I use to watch my friends all
Have g/fs and would wish I had one and would feel so sad that I didn't have one
I would feel no one would ever love me. To make matters worse I suffered
Anxiety from the age of 12, and always was nervous talking with girls.
I have always felt really sexual and had a huge interest in pornography.
My first girlfriend was when I was 19. I thought it was perfect
Until we broke up one day cause she wanted to go out explore etc…
And I think nowadays she regrets it. I didn't really do much then
I stayed home a lot just went to my study course etc..
I was devastated when we did break up. And about 3-4 months later
I found my current girlfriend. We bonded pretty quickly moved in
After a few months, and after a year or two she talked about marriage and kids
With my previous g/f we talked about it but I cant remember if it was something
I really wanted or not, but now I guess im not completely against it because
I did propose. We are good together we have been through a lot
She is great with my family as I am with her,
We have a few arguments here and their I have trouble
Saying my feelings but when I do its when it builds up and I erupt and splatter everything.
So we discussed my conerns of kids and marriage and loosing freedom
But she says I have nothing to fear, we have a good support netowkr with our familes,
And I can still do my shows, (as I am a musician) and can still record.
I don't really go out all that often now, just every so often.
But I feel when I do I get nervous like I should check what shes doing first
Or I try to arrange things around her schedule, when shes working, out and about etc..
Shes not controlling but I feel I don't want to leave her at home while im out having fun
And I feel I try to get home quickly, go out enjoy for a bit then head back.
I don't know why I feel like this but I just don't want to do stuff without her and have her
Angry or upset that im out having fun and shes home….. and I feel so indecisive
When making decsions, I think I just like to know I can just jump up and go out
But in a relationship you need to tell ur partner of plans.
Sometimes I reschedule things because I make plans and
She says oh I was thinking we could do this, and I don't want to let her
Down by saying no… I guess I have a fear of confrontation as well as t commit
Cause my fears go deeper aswell like what if things change in the future or if what
If these commitments get that strong that I need to get out, more of a feeling of being trapped
I sapose…
And the last few months, its like while im having these problems, im noticing models and celebrities
On tv in more of a sexual way. And I feel guilty because of it…
I feel like im resenting her for me not having freedom when it feels like my own insecurities are holding me back am I right??
And its almost like im living my life for me and not us, like I want to be that free man but want that love too..
I do feel I love my fiancée, but I don't want to have these feelings, I know everyone gets uncertainity at times, but why am I dwelling, is this because of my anxiety??
I try to compare my relationship to others and my past. And I don't want to because evry relationship is different.
Put the internet to work for you.
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