I wouldn't even call it an issue since we haven't had the desire to talk to each other. But for some reason, it has been kinda bothering me.
I was in a relationship for six years, the latter two years we were engaged and it ended with a email from her breaking up with me. We never had any real contact since, aside from emails and phone calls. I didn't take it so well and well... I exasperate the situation. That resulted in us two being on very bad terms.
I enrolled in university, which is the same university as her. My reasons were because it's a great university for the course I wanted to do. At the time, having her in close distance was a cherry on top. Without her being factored, I still wanted to go. The university is so wonderful and so is the city.
I slowly gotten over her and... well, I completely forgot about her. Her face. Her personality. Maybe my way of getting over her is to completely lock her away into a box in my head. And I focused on myself, what I wanted to do and what made me happy. It worked remarkably well.
My course started out great. I already have some work experience in a couple of weeks. Hell, today, I'm a course rep. I made so many wonderful friends. I mean, things have been near-perfect, with a couple of down moments. Then all of a sudden...
I saw my ex. And for the first time since ever, I remembered her. I remember her personality. I remembered everything. And yet, I was just... emotionless. She didn't see me, I didn't want to go up to her to strike up a conversation. I moved on, went back home and I forgot about it.
Today, I was talking with my friend and then I decided to mention I saw her yesterday. He asked me how it feels. And I said I felt nothing, just that the whole situation was just surreal.
He said something along the lines of "I don't blame you. You were left without any closure"
And then it struck me. I didn't have any proper closure. All that happened was she explained in half-assed way why it didn't work. We never really had a proper discussion and she didn't want to say anything more. It just... ended abruptly. It didn't bother me right until he said it.
I know I will never have closure on the subject. Well, not an informed closure. Because I realise that regardless, the world has moved on. She probably has moved on. And I have.
Yet weirdly enough, I kinda still care about her. Not in a "I love her" kind of way. But I cared enough that I am still kinda concerned about her. What struck me about being concerned is that when I was browsing on 4chan one time and this was a while ago. I noticed a bunch of tumblr's links with the topic being "Whiny first world problems". I read through it because why not?
Her tumblr account came up and it tempted me, so I checked it out. And well, even though it's what she puts up, but it strikes me as she's worse off than before... and she was bullied by a lot of anonymous harasser. I thought to myself "It's not my concern", yet I made a long post under the anonymity and saying that she "needs to pick herself up and be awesome"
My concern for her doesn't make me check out her tumblr regularly or try to contact her in any way possible. After all, it shouldn't be my problem. I should be focusing on myself, yet those two moments affected me. And it should not. But... have I moved on truly or am I in denial mode at this point, shutting off any emotions I have?
I was in a relationship for six years, the latter two years we were engaged and it ended with a email from her breaking up with me. We never had any real contact since, aside from emails and phone calls. I didn't take it so well and well... I exasperate the situation. That resulted in us two being on very bad terms.
I enrolled in university, which is the same university as her. My reasons were because it's a great university for the course I wanted to do. At the time, having her in close distance was a cherry on top. Without her being factored, I still wanted to go. The university is so wonderful and so is the city.
I slowly gotten over her and... well, I completely forgot about her. Her face. Her personality. Maybe my way of getting over her is to completely lock her away into a box in my head. And I focused on myself, what I wanted to do and what made me happy. It worked remarkably well.
My course started out great. I already have some work experience in a couple of weeks. Hell, today, I'm a course rep. I made so many wonderful friends. I mean, things have been near-perfect, with a couple of down moments. Then all of a sudden...
I saw my ex. And for the first time since ever, I remembered her. I remember her personality. I remembered everything. And yet, I was just... emotionless. She didn't see me, I didn't want to go up to her to strike up a conversation. I moved on, went back home and I forgot about it.
Today, I was talking with my friend and then I decided to mention I saw her yesterday. He asked me how it feels. And I said I felt nothing, just that the whole situation was just surreal.
He said something along the lines of "I don't blame you. You were left without any closure"
And then it struck me. I didn't have any proper closure. All that happened was she explained in half-assed way why it didn't work. We never really had a proper discussion and she didn't want to say anything more. It just... ended abruptly. It didn't bother me right until he said it.
I know I will never have closure on the subject. Well, not an informed closure. Because I realise that regardless, the world has moved on. She probably has moved on. And I have.
Yet weirdly enough, I kinda still care about her. Not in a "I love her" kind of way. But I cared enough that I am still kinda concerned about her. What struck me about being concerned is that when I was browsing on 4chan one time and this was a while ago. I noticed a bunch of tumblr's links with the topic being "Whiny first world problems". I read through it because why not?
Her tumblr account came up and it tempted me, so I checked it out. And well, even though it's what she puts up, but it strikes me as she's worse off than before... and she was bullied by a lot of anonymous harasser. I thought to myself "It's not my concern", yet I made a long post under the anonymity and saying that she "needs to pick herself up and be awesome"
My concern for her doesn't make me check out her tumblr regularly or try to contact her in any way possible. After all, it shouldn't be my problem. I should be focusing on myself, yet those two moments affected me. And it should not. But... have I moved on truly or am I in denial mode at this point, shutting off any emotions I have?
Put the internet to work for you.
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