Books to help partner re:DV/SA in past relationships

The title says it all.

My SO is interested in finding resources or books that can help him understand what it is like being in a relationship with someone who has experienced domestic violence in the past; as well as sexual assault in the past.

Blogs will help, too! We've done some google searches, he's ordered 1 book so far. I think he's hoping to find more info and perhaps someone on this site will have some good suggestions.

Thanks!

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Those with affair children..

Those who have knowingly or unknowingly raised affair children, how is your relationship with them now after the revelation? Do they still love you after the knowledge that you aren't their biological father?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Could you love someone from another race?

• Thread Starter

Could you love someone from another race?

• Follow
• 3 hours ago 3h ago

I know people that can and i know people that cant.
I could personally love someone from another race but not as my main woman.
I,e wife,mother of my kids..
There will always have to be someone in my life that shares the same culture.values and that looks like me.
Could you guise love someone from another race?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

how to get to know a guy without being creepy?

• Thread Starter

how to get to know a guy without being creepy?

• Follow
• 6 hours ago 6h ago

We are both in college. I am graduating next june so basically i only have 6 months left after subtracting all the holidays and exam period. He is a year younger than me so we don't have any classes together. We don't join the same club or play the same sports. He's a rugby guy so there's no way I can try to play his sport just to get to know him. The only "interaction" that we have is randomly seeeing each other in school and exchanging glances. I never had enough courage to smile at him and he never did either. We don't have any common friends, not even a single one seriously.

I am not really sure why I am infatuated with him cause he ain't the best looking guy in people's opinion although in my eyes he is. The first time I saw him I just felt this very strong attraction and after checking out his twitter, I find that we share some weird traits and the most important thing is we have the same taste in music. I have never found anyone that like my kind of music! Furthermore, he doesn't appear childish or shallow like most in my school. He actually reads literature for goodness sake. He appears as this shy, quiet and mysterious guy which intrigues me so much.

Anyway, back to my main question, how can I get to know him? I find it hard to smile at him properly, let alone start a conversation! I don't want us to meet through social media either, that just sucks. I haven't had such a crush as intense as this in a long time. If only we talk to each other, we would so instantly click I just know it! :(

You have gotta help me. I actually feel like doing something with this crush and not let it die out with time but I'm too chickened to take any action!

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

The worst thing to hear when chatting to a potential date...

• Thread Starter

The worst thing to hear when chatting to a potential date...

• Follow
• 6 hours ago 6h ago

It internally destroys me every time .

Usual general chit chat and things going great, me being hilarious her laughing etc

Hot girl 'so when is your birthday'
Me 'insert date here'
Hot girl 'oh so you're a Libra'
Me 'yeah I think so'...in a really disinterested way
Hot girl 'oh im a blah blah blah'

You now know she is illogical, retarted and will base every ****ing decision on star signs. The amount of women that are into star signs and stuff like that is alarming and they class it as bring 'spiritual'.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

I gave him money, and he cheated on me

• Thread Starter

I gave him money, and he cheated on me

• Follow
• 7 hours ago 7h ago

Ok first off, I know I will seem like a loser for having this relationship in the first place....but hear me out.

I was involved with a guy I met on holidays to sharm el sheikh, Egypt. I know what you are thinking....but he was not sleazy like the others, he felt familiar, he had many British friends. He was 'different'. He was my friend, and at first I didn't want anymore than this, but he pursued me in a sense. And once I let down that barrier, I fell in love with him.

I would go and see him every few months. But, I had trust issues and have them with all men. It all stems from the fact my dad had a 3 year affair with a Russian woman and it tore my family apart. My guy worked in the club scene, and went to clubs every night. I sometimes worried that maybe something would happen.

In June, another guy there told me he saw my guy kissing a girl. I asked him about it, and he promptly broke up with me. He said it 'killed him' that I didn't trust him.

The next 2 months, I almost got over him. I saw the downsides to the whole thing, and was moving on. Then, a month ago he started talking to me, just in a friendly way. Then he told me he had problems. He was living in his car, and had no money. I felt sorry for him. Then, he asked me for money. At first I dismissed this. But then one day he said, 'I will leave sharm el sheikh tonight and go home (to his village), and I will never return, sharm was my chance to get out of the Egyptian culture and maybe see the world, but the dream is over now.' I felt so sad for him now, and in my mind I thought, if he leaves sharm....I will never see him again. So I gave him the money to keep him in sharm el sheikh.

He then started saying that he loved me again, and I stupidly became hooked (again). We planned that I would go there and live with him in December.

The re-kindling of our relationship lasted until 2 days ago. He told me....that he can't do it anymore, and that he slept with a Russian girl last week. He said 'let's just be friends then talk about things when you come in december'. So basically....he wants to sleep around for 2 months.

Tbh, I get that maybe he didn't want a long distance girlfriend anymore. But what is tearing me apart now is that he proved me right- I couldn't trust him, as he did cheat on me, he did it before he broke up with me so yes, he cheated. It was also with a Russian girl, to add insult to injury (as my dad also did this). AND he also cheated on me after I gave him money to STAY in sharm el sheikh, the place with the 'freedoms' (freedoms to get with girls more like :rolleyes:)

And don't even get me started on the cheek of it, believing I would go and live there after this.

Go ahead, say I'm a fool. I just wanted to share my story and talk about it with someone, because it's driving me crazy thinking about it right now.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Is she trying to ignore me or something?

• Thread Starter

Is she trying to ignore me or something?

• Follow
• 11 hours ago 11h ago

Hello.

I have a massive crush on this girl in my school, she's in year 10 and I'm in 11. I've only started to speak to her recently and she was quite nice to me, I thought she might like me because I always see her looking at me in school.

But last night I was at fireworks with my friends and she was there with her friends. I was speaking to one of her friends then she came along like proper hyper and stuff so I asked her if she had smoked something but she said she didn't and then wasn't hyper for rest of the night, she covered her eyes as a joke but then when we all missed the last bus from town she just totally turned out to be ignoring me or something, first I asked her where she was going, she replied "I don't know" then one of her friends said amy is going there and there, I thought her friend said 'liverpool' so I asked her is she going to liverpool, she replied with a like a grumpy face 'Liverpool?'. Then I was getting into The taxi with my friends and we all put some money in, I had £20 note and some cash but wanted to change the note to cash, so asked her politely if she had some change, she said yeah but only like 20p and then kind smiled at me.

Is she trying to show me that she doesn't like Me? Or am I just taking it as a wrong sign/hint?
I want to ask my mate to ask her if she likes me, even as a friend. I really like her and I'm trying to get to know her better. I feel like I've just failed at even talking to her

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Guys, would you be fine dating someone that's saving their virginity for marriage?

• Thread Starter

Guys, would you be fine dating someone that's saving their virginity for marriage?

• Follow
• 10 hours ago 10h ago

I've decided that i'm not having sex until I get married (for religious reasons) and was wondering whether that would put a lot of guys off. Not trying to sound conceited but I'd say I'm fairly attractive. I do get guys asking me out etc. But, regardless of whether I find them attractive or whether I genuinely like them, I always turn them down because I feel as though majority of guys expect sex out of a relationship, and I obviously can't give them that. Also, I feel that if I dated a guy I'd be putting him through a lot, as however long we dated he wouldn't be able to have sex. So, guys if you genuinely liked a girl, would you refuse to date her because you wouldn't be getting sex out of it or would you date her regardless?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Can't make friends during freshers' week

• Thread Starter

Can't make friends during freshers' week

• Follow
• 57 minutes ago 57m ago

(Anonymous or delete please)

I've been at university for some time now yet I can't seem to muster up the courage to go out anywhere or confidently speak to a group of people.

First off, I'm very anxious socially which results in me being shy, to the point of sweating, around girls and simply not wanting to be near them. The anxiety stems from my look mostly as I don't want to be known as "the ugly guy" around a lot of people so I think that I'll be doing everyone a favour if I stay in my room.

I also don't want to turn out like my father, who shows no respect around girls. I feel that I may exhibit similar traits around them if I were to go out, despite my best intentions to show a high level of respect. In turn, this leads to me staying in even more which may exacerbate the problem throughout the course of my life. I've been invited out yet simply can't because of my fear and I know that it'll cause me dismay later on in life.

Could anyone help me with this? Should I consider counselling at university?

Many thanks.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Think a guy fancies me but I'm not remotely interested?

• Thread Starter

Think a guy fancies me but I'm not remotely interested?

• Follow
• 12 hours ago 12h ago

So last night, I went to a social for one of the societies I'm in and met this guy. He ended up being the person I was chatting with for the next hour I was there, mean as it sounds, more because I didn't have anyone else to talk to and I didn't want to be rude and go chat to someone else. And when I did get chatting to some other guy who took me over to meet the society president, he felt the need to come over in an attempt to "rescue" me from this other guy (his words, not mine).

Anyway, I got a bit bored chatting so I made an excuse that I needed to leave. He insisted on walking me home and on the way back he said something along the lines of "Well if nothing else you've at least made one friend today" (I'd mentioned earlier I'd failed at making friends on freshers week) to which I cheerfully responded "I've made a few". Then he says "Yeah but I reckon you've made one in particular; I don't know who he is but he's a lucky guy." So we get back to mine and I go but not before he gets my last name and adds me on Facebook (I know, I know; but I didn't want to seem like a bitch to the rest of that society as he's quite well known amongst them). Then this morning his messaged me saying it was lovely to meet me and he hopes we can build on the friendship. I'm yet to reply... Yes I know I'm awful. But if I knew how to go about this I wouldn't be here.

Before I do ring the alarm bells, do these things actually mean he fancies me or is he just bring friendly. I've never been in a situation like this before so I don't know. If so how the heck do I put him off? I mean he's nice enough, despite telling some horrendous jokes; but he's not my type at all. What do I do?

TLDR: I'm worried some guy fancies me even though I'm not remotely interested. I've never been in this situation before, please help.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Afraid of marriage. Likes what we have. Now what?

My previous post about this can be found here:
http://ift.tt/1rWH8SA

Background, he knows I want to have a family some day. In theory, so would he. We dated for three years. Out of which the last year was long distance. He was divorced four years ago. I've known him for 8 years (when we first became friends he hadn't met the girl he later married).

He had initiated marriage talks and backed out recently. He's not sure he ever wants to get married. He initiated the marriage talk because he was afraid of losing me - Since he knows I wouldn't be able to move on and care about someone while having daily contact with him. He can't imagine life without me. So, he thought to attempt to work with the idea of marriage because he knows it's important to me. Despite talking to me about marriage, he couldn't bring himself to feel like getting married.

Though he doesn't feel like getting married, he maintains lifestyle changes he made because of knowing the happiness it gives me. This includes cutting back on drinking (it had gotten out of hand post his divorce) and working out.

Even after clarifying he doesn't want to get married, he verbalizes that my being in his life makes his life better. And, it's because of me that he hasn't had a drink in a month and takes better care of himself and exercises.

It feels like we have everything but it's fear or lack of motivation to take things to marriage.

Any suggestions on what eases a man when he feels that way?
Or any comments or suggestions in general?

We enjoy our time together. I just don't really know, what next? Where to from here?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Missing my first real gf after a 15 year marriage

I went through a rough divorce emotionally. That was three years ago. I went online and started dating and didn't meet anyone that interested me after 15 dates or so. Finally I met a woman who I really enjoyed. We had a lot of fun, great companionship, great sex, met her kids after awhile and she met mine. Spent time with her parents, friends, and vice versa. The main issue was our communication style. Though we had a ton of great times, there was multiple times our communication styles difference caused big arguments over petty items.
I' know it was wrong to stay in for the 14 months but the good was really good. Ultimately, in the middle of the 14 months, we broke up and she found out she was pregnant. I was 100% there for her and we terminated the pregnancy(this is not for that debate). Anyway, the event brought us back together and we had even a closer and better relationship with less problems but still a twinge of communication issues. Well, this summer it came back to the point the Rioky road was too frequent and we fought too much, cancelled a vacation, and broke up for real this time.
I know she isn't right for me. I still miss her tremendously. Last time I saw her was the 14th of sept and we texted a little after that but never really spoke again. That's it. It's done. All of the intraday contact and caring about each others lives is closed off and that really hurts. I can't stop thinking about her, wonder what she is doing, dating, etc.
I've read the million articles on how to cut ties, defriend FB and keep busy etc. that doesn't work for me.
I'm browsing online again for other women, but not really into it. Kind of stirs back up my marriage...not that I want her back or anything but the feelings of failure snd sadness.
I'm 43 w two daughters and a very involved dad. Any ideas? Experiences of knowing something isn't right but hurting?
Posted via Mobile Device

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Told wife I no longer love her

So I just told my wife that I am no longer in love with her. She is devastated. I feel bad for her as I can only try to imagine what she is going through.

I fear what effect this will have on our baby boy. Again, I can only imagine.

If I had been honest with my wife before we were married about my feelings this breakup would not have involved a marriage, but it would have still involved our son.

I feel as though I did the right thing, but I feel horrible for what I am putting her through. She is a great woman and she does not deserve this. But, I cannot carry on pretending that I love her.

At least this way she has the chance to meet a man that will love her truly.

Any comments would be appreciated.

Edit: I need to remember the abusive parts of the relationship when I start feeling guilty over ending.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Confused - divorce inevitable?

Hi,

New here...need somewhere to turn for advice from people who've been through similar situations.

Been married 7 years. Have a 2 year old child. Married my husband without having any "spark" or passion for him - I don't mean to sound rude, that's just the truth. He's a great man and wonderful partner...just doesn't light my fire. In the beginning, I justified it by "he's such a good person, he'll be a great father"...etc, etc. Throughout our marriage, my gut told me the lack of sexual interest in him meant it wasn't right between us. We had talked about divorce several, several, several times....he says he needs more affection from me, interest in sex, etc. He obv doesn't know how I truly feel because it will kill him. But now I feel like I'm at a point of no return. I've been out with friends and have hidden my ring.....there are other things that have happened that I'm not proud of, too. I never wanted to go through with divorce because I was very concerned with what my family would think (they love him)...and was also thinking "maybe this is just how it is?"< br />
Now my concern is that we have a young child. My husband works and is gone for several days every week. If I could look into the future and know a divorce wouldn't negatively affect our child, I'd do it. I know there's no answer for that....but this is where I'm at right now. Is it possible that our child may not see much of a difference between us being divorced versus being together, given that my husband is gone 3-4 days every week for work?

I can't imagine living the rest of my life with someone I don't want to be intimate with. (It's not normal to wish you could be going out with other men) But it KILLS me to think I might change my sweet child in some way because of a selfish decision.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

2 steps forward and 1 step back....

I will try and make this short and sweet.:p

My parents are visiting from the US and I always let them know to visit on Saturdays because it gives Mrs.CuddleBug her day alone off work and the other with my parents. It has always been this way and only early to late afternoons, also giving them time to go out with their friends.

I went to bed at 2am playing vids, my way to unstress from work.

I fall asleep very fast and I'm a sound sleeper.

My wifee decides to ask me many questions about my parents at 2am when I am literally falling asleep and not all mentally there anymore.

She doesn't stop, hit me many times and after a while of this, I am now awake and angry, but laughing is my way to deal with this instead of hitting her back.

I told her my parents either email or call us the day before they want to visit and it's always been that way.

This morning, she is still uptight, angry, getting upset and Mrs.CuddleBug got me quite angry moments ago. I told her, you always hit me hard when you get upset but notice I never hit you back? You are physically abusive to me and how would you like it if I always hit you when you got me angry??? She tells me, she won't hit me anymore.....we'll see.:rolleyes:

I tell her, whenever my parents visit, once every few years, for one day, for an afternoon, you always get crazy and I don't. I like her parents and don't mind them visiting but they usually never do.

She gets so uptight and upset, cleaning everything, worrying, and all for nothing!!!

So now for most of this day, I am not a happy camper. I told Mrs.CuddleBug, if I get angry, I'm angry most of the day and then I'm fine. It's not I'm happy and then angry every hour.

Then she tries and says, if we both drop it, can we move on? I countered her and said, you started all this, not me. This is slowly sinking into her head......slowly.:rolleyes:


How can I deal with for the next time or when anyone visits?


Overall, we are moving 2 steps forward but this is one step back. Normal I guess but since we usually never fight, this drives me crazy.

She also said, you play vids alot and late. I told her, if you had a healthy high adventurous sex drive, my viding would be much less. Either I vid for stress relief, get sex, weight train, or landscape. No sex = viding during the work week.....can't have it both ways.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe