This may be long, but I'll try to keep it entertaining. Thanks in advance to anyone who hangs for the entire read :)
The wife and I haven't been getting along for a long time. We're newly married, and it seems like our relationship took a turn for the worse when we actually got married. I haven't been happy in a long time, and now I'm stuck in this rut dealing with her debt, fighting, distance, alcoholism, and lack of sex. We've been married since last May, and we haven't had sex in like, 5 months. We don't even sleep in the same bed. Hell, we don't even sleep in the same bedroom. I'm 32 years old, not 56, and I feel like Al Bundy already.
Even Valentine's Day sucked. Despite my effort to truly make her happy, it just entirely fell flat. She picked a fight out of nowhere, and by 8pm she was already in bed taking her rage nap, as I ate my 10 piece chicken nugget meal by myself for dinner, instead of going out like I wanted to. It's been a tough ass day, because I've always put forth effort here, and even though we weren't exactly getting along prior to Valentine's, I didn't want her to feel left out by everyone's gloating on Facebook. My dad wasn't exactly a romantic growing up, and I remember seeing my mom upset that he'd forget, or not do anything special, and I never wanted to be that.
She never really gave the day a chance from the get go, because she says it's her ex's birthday. Seriously. We've been married for almost a year, we had dated for two, and she was broken up with him for a year prior to us, and it's still all about that guy. Screw that. Unless he's literally Saint Valentine, what the hell does today have to do with him? It's been a tough week financially, and I managed to stretch my last spendable penny to try to make it special, and it just blew up in my face spectacularly.
So anyway, it's been pretty crummy on my end, but today got me thinking of something that happened last week. So I have this friend that I've been close with for 14 years. We were introduced way back when by my shady friend, and we went on a double date together with his girlfriend. Even though we had a great time, it never happened because he told me that she didn't like me. I let it be, and when we'd end up having a class together later on, we became good friends, even though she had a boyfriend. Years later, I'd find out that she had the biggest crush on me, and that my friend made up a lie so that I couldn't expose him to his girlfriend by being in the same circle (he was lying to her). So in a way, this friend of mine became sort of the one that got away, though on my end, it's been nothing but platonic since then. She's since been married twice.
For whatever reason, her current husband doesn't like me very much, and as a result, we don't hang out often anymore. But recently we got back to talking, and on one day that I had a big fight with the wife, she proposed going out to a bar that night to talk it out. Spontaneous, but it was a lot of fun complaining and catching up at the same time. Ever since then, we had talked steadily, but it was weird to me that she hadn't mentioned her husband, and that she'd be available all times of the night without him. So last weekend, she calls me and asks me out. I lie to the wife and come up with an excuse so that I can sneak out and go to the bar with my friend.
We're talking, and she's being flirty, she starts dancing on me, and then she starts whispering in my ear and kissing it. I'm shocked, and I was completely confused because here's one very attractive person entirely into me, meanwhile the wife at home wouldn't look at me if I had spontaneously combusted right in front of her. All the while, I'm on my best behavior by not giving in, or reciprocating, though I honestly don't tell her "no". It was flattering, it felt good to have some attention for the first time in nearly half a year, though I wasn't so sure if I could act on it. I guess I felt bad that the wife was at home watching Netflix, thinking that I went to visit my brother and we're playing Mario Kart, meanwhile I'm with another woman.
We leave the bar, and I end up following my friend home (we literally live half a mile apart) because the night was still young. Her husband isn't home (I still have no clue where he is), and in her mind, she's already punched in two tickets to Pound Town. I get off the couch, and have my John Travolta in Pulp Fiction moment in the bathroom, and ultimately decide that I can't go through with it despite that she's totally willing, totally hot, and a complete incarnation of everything that my wife is not at the moment. My wife is very attractive, but what I meant was that she's just this cold, lifeless, soul sucking succubus that's out to ruin my life. Meanwhile I got my friend here who is completely flustered, and my ego is through the roof. That was victory enough, and I went home, despite that she literally asked me to spend the night.
This is huge for me, because I've seriously cheated on every single one of my girlfriends except for my wife. Remember in the Grinch where his heart grew 3 times its size by the end of the movie? Well, my broken excuse for a fidelity meter grew 3 times its size. I haven't spoken to my friend since the next morning, where we kinda cleared the air, but after eating McDonald's alone for Valentine's where my self worth is rock bottom, I can't help but wonder if I did the right thing or not. I could've done it, and the screwed up part is that I could've told my wife that night, and she wouldn't have believed me. She sincerely thinks that I couldn't pull a girl, and that I probably rubbed myself in pork chops to achieve the musty smell.
I really don't know what the point of all of that was, whether I just wanted to write it out to see what it looked like, get advice, or what, but maybe at the very least it could serve as a warning to anyone who makes their significant other feel like crap on the reg: it came that close, and it's that easy. I don't feel entitled to having my wife doll up and put out because I got her some flowers and gifts today, but at the very least, she could've at least cracked a smile or given me a hug. I didn't get a hug or a kiss today, and this was our first Valentine's as a married couple.
:(
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