| so basically, started dating this guy, he told me today that I have similar facial expressions to a girl he cheated on his ex girlfriend with.. so he doesn't want to see me anymore :( what do i doooooooo man | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
I remind him of a girl he cheated on his ex with?
Please help!
| I came from a crappy past but when i met my husband suddenly everything made sense. I have had my problems with mental health but he was always my sanity, my saving grace. Just being with him made me happy, i love him so much. however last week it all feel apart... i found out that for several weeks he had being talk to another woman about kissing her and how good looking she is. He set up a different face book acout to talk her as well as a different email and saved her number under one of our mates names. It was all very calculated! It turns out that he did in fact kiss her and would have done more if i hadnt caught him... we both work in mental health and the worst bit it the lady is one of our paitents !! I have no idea what to do im loseing the plot. I just want to dissapear shes a vunerable anorixa paitent. Hes destroyed everything his job, our house and possible my job if i dont do anything!!! advice?? | |||
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Favourite poems
| Like the topic title said, put your fave here. Here's one of mine. Rupert Brooke's Waikiki Quote:
It's tragic he died so young. | |||
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Wrapping My Mind Around It
| Posted this initially in the divorce forum, but I'm realizing now, it would probably be better off here: Hello everyone. As I start to write what I'm going through, I'm realizing it could fill a book, but I'll try to keep it brief... I am currently separated from my wife and we're moving for certain towards divorce. We have had plenty of issues in the three years we have been married, including a prolonged first affair of hers just five months ago during the summer with a married man online, as well as a situation where I got a little too comfortable with a woman at work and we shared a kiss. I don't blame anyone but myself for my failure in that regard, but I realized immediately it wasn't something I could do and wasn't who I wanted to be and cut it off and confessed it to my wife (upon learning of her affair). We had a bunch of false starts trying to get her out of her relationship with the guy she was involved with. They had only been hanging out in this game she was addicted to for a couple weeks, but had already had cyber sex multiple times and exchanged, "I love yous." Even being contacted by the man's wife, who was also a friend of hers in the game, where she asked her far too kindly to stop talking to her husband, they continued to sneak and contact each other. Anyway, I thought we finally managed to get through it. I was warned repeatedly (under another name) by users of this forum that I was caving too quick and that she would do it again, but I was so desperate to get out of the pain and try to save my marriage that I relented. She agreed to no contact once again, agreed to let me monitor her online accounts, and assured me she was done playing the game where she had met him and the group she had become part of on there that were toxic to the marriage. Eventually, I started to work through my pain, really doubled down on trying to improve the marriage, get us spending time together far more often than we were, going to counseling, etc. I started to get to where I wasn't even checking her online activities...which in hinsight was foolish. By October, I have since learned recently, she had already signed back up to the game she was playing and began immediately engaging with the same group of people, including men she has admitted had expressed interest in a relationship with her. From what I can tell she didn't resume the relationship with the first guy. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when the first affair started to come into the light, and I was just very focused on trying to be there for her and get her through it in the following months. When her thyroid was removed, I stood alone in the hospital room, holding her hand, wiping the sweat from her brow, and nursed her back to health after the recovery. Then months later, I took her to have her radiation done, drove her back all while probably getting an unhealthy dose myself, and had to be out of the house for a few days. That as it turns out, is where things went even further south. When I was able to come back home, I was vaguely aware that she was cooler than usual. I chalked it up to still recovering after having to be off her thyroid replacement horomone medication for three weeks prior to the radiation. We got through Christmas, which mainly seemed to be just the kids and me as she rarely wanted to leave the house. We had to get and decorate the tree ourselves, and I had to do the vast majority of the Christmas shopping. The day after Christmas she took the kids to go visit her family, which had been the plan for a while. I thought it was a little weird she didn't ask me to go, but things were still a bit strained after the big blowup during the first affair, that I didn't push it too much. One night while I was on my own, I was browsing around on Facebook, when I noticed pictures of my wife with a woman she had met from the game. I though that was really weird she wouldn't bother mentioning that she was going to be meeting someone down there. Then I also noticed that the woman had added, what was obviously a secret Facebook account of my wife's filled with only the same group from the game she was so fixated on. I called her to see what the deal was, and on one of the rare occasions she was honest with me and didn't try to deny it. She started dropping hints about neither of us being happy with the marriage, which caught me way off guard as I had been working my ass off to improve things and get us through these challenging times. Then it hit me...there's another guy. I asked her if that was the case, and she of course denied it. I tried to impress upon her that we had just been through an extremely challenging year, but that we would just keep working and could almost definitely be looking at a brighter future together. The next morning...I still had that nagging feeling that there was someone else. She had that disconnected, foggy feeling that I became so familiar with from the first affair. So I managed to guess the email account she used for Facebook, as well as her password. I was shocked to see that not only had she been video chatting with the group of friends I mentioned earlier, but the majority of the video chats were one on one with some guy. Most of them went up to 3:00 in the morning, going back to the night I had to be out of the house during her radiation. I also found a poem, clearly written for him where she was arguing with herself that she wasn't going to love him, though she would imagine them as lovers and everything else... I called her to confront her on it. She tried claiming at first that the poem was just a general poem and wasn't aimed towards anyone, until I poked holes in that story by referring to details. Then she said he was never going to see it, and that they were nothing but friends. She ended up blaming me for things that had happened in the marriage to make her unhappy, and uncertain of the future, and suggested maybe we needed a trial separation. She said I didn't have to leave the house or anything, but I asked her how I could stay there knowing she was getting involved with another man. She repeatedly, with irritation told me he was just a friend and there was nothing there, and not to make it about that. I roamed the house like a ghost that day. I was utterly broken, thinking I wouldn't be tucking my kids in again at night, that I was losing my wife. Big mistake I know, but I texted her, begging her to think about what she was doing to our family here, that this all just felt wrong. She didn't give. A day two later, they got back into town, and I had to pick her up from the airport where she had dropped off a rental car. That drive was one of the hardest I've ever made in my life. I could barely stand to look at her through the pain. We sat on the drive for a long time, not saying anything, but eventually began speaking. She told me she wasn't sure what to do, and I tried to convince her once again that I wanted to work on the marriage and that we couldn't just give up on it. I impressed upon her that she needed to help me this time though, as I had felt like the last year I was just working hard on myself, on the marriage, and she was doing little to nothing on her own to help us. She again promised me the guy was just a dumb kid. I told her even if that's the case, if she keeps talking to him like she is, it WILL lead to something. She promised me she would stop talking to him and that we wouldn't make any hasty decisions as far as the marriage. Fool that I am, I wante d to believe her, and I did. We went on that way for a couple days, agreeing that we wanted to work on things. I sat chain smoking on the porch at my parent's house during the nights, knowing in the back of my mind she was probably taking comfort in him while I sat alone, away from my kids and my wife. Finally we reached a point where we both seemed to be intent on recommiting to things. I asked her before we went ahead any further if she had been talking to him. She tried denying at first, but finally confessed she had talked to him very briefly during the day, just about silly things regarding landmarks. When we went inside, I decided to ask her to log into the account she had previously been talking to him through, and I could tell the way her composure changed immediately that she had just been lying once again. After dragging her feet, trying to hide the screen from me saying she didn't want to see her password, she eventually logged in. I saw immediately where she had been talking to him until the 3 AM just that morning...the night, before, and on and on. She tried lying and saying those were just the previous times I had already seen, but I pointed out the date stamp. Hurt, angry, I called the guy an ******* through the chat program, told her it was over, and left. All through that scene my daughter was crying, knowing something was wrong and it broke my heart. When I got back to the my parents, she texted me saying she wasn't healthy and that she was sorry for the hurt she had caused and messing up so badly. I told her she was sorry. The next day when I went back to visit the kids, I was determined not to speak to her. She eventually talked me into going outside, which I did and proceeded to tell her how awful what she doing to our family for some stupid fantasy relationship was. She forced a hug on me, which I tried to push off at first, but eventually allowed while she sobbed on my shoulder. I decided to bluff and told her I knew everything, that I had installed a keylogger on her computer and knew what she was doing with him. Again, she tried to lie, but finally I pinned her on it and she confessed that just the night before, when I left, she had performed sexually on camera for him. I felt something inside of me break when she told me that, and literally had to steady myself against the garage door as I started to feel like I was going to pass out. She cried saying she was so embarassed and ashamed of herself for having done it, and that she never was going to again. That she wanted to work on the marriage and was done with him. If you haven't noticed already, I'm a fool, and clinging to the last desparate hope of saving my dreams with this woman, saving the relationship I enjoyed with my children, I started trying to bury it immediately in my subconscious. She hugged me again, kissed me, and somehow we ended up in the bedroom... She asked me to come hang out with her and the children the next day, which I told her I didn't think was a good idea, but I ended up doing it anyway. The whole day, I felt this...pyschological and emotional agony just radiating through my core, but I wanted to pretend on some level that everything could still be ok. When we got back, she did something sneaky with her laptop that completely triggered me, and we started arguing. She started blaming me again for all the issues in the marriage, and in the face of what I was swallowing, I blew up and told her to go put on another f'ing show for some guy online if that's all she was worth. Go be a ***** if that's what you are. I left, but came back a little later after I had cooled off. She was pissed and didn't want to have much to do with me. She told me that that was the kind of thing that made her hate me in the first place. The next day I went to go pick up the kids to come stay with me at my parents. On my way there, I decided to stop and get a VAR as I had read about them on here. I thought at the time...I could use it and pray I heard nothing, and then maybe I could still hang on to some small scrap, or...if I did hear something, maybe it would be the kick in the ass I needed to let go already. On our way I out, I know I looked filled with pain and told her I didn't want our marriage to be ending this way. She acted sympathetic and assured me it wasn't. I had a great time with the kids, but obviously my mind was in turmoil. When I brought them back, she wanted to go outside and talk. I noticed she had obviously slept in in makeup, which was odd since she didn't have any on when we left. She tried denying it saying she did have eyeliner on when I had been there the day before. She told me she had been crying all day and all night, and that she wanted me to come back home. She said he's not my family. She also confessed that she had gone off her antidepressents when she had gone off her thyroid horomone a month ago, because she wanted to see if she didn't need them. I asked her how she could be making these kinds of rash moves and crazy decisions under all the conditions of the last month, including her grandmother suddenly dying. She assured me the guy hadn't been around online lately and she hadn't even spoken to him. We talked for a bit more, and she told me that I can't fix her.I told her I knew that, but I didn't feel like I could just abandon her. Still, I thought maybe she was coming out of the fog a bit and trying to be more open with me...Hah... When I drove home, I listened to the recording. I heard her going into the bedroom where I had left it, obviously intoxicated, video chatting with a few people. Eventually there was a pause and I heard...him, apparently singing to her. She laughed and joked about her presex hair. They laughed about how they had almost given themselves away earlier to their group of friends. From there...it was one of the most brutal experiences I've ever had. I felt literally like my soul had been stabbed with a spear. He asked her to take off her clothes...to which she replied, "Hahaha, (guy's name) what would you do with me with my clothes off?" "Explore." "Ok, I guess I should take off my pants, who wears pants to bed?" It basically ended up with a full demonstration of our vibrator, in my bed with her climaxing for him, saying, "God I want you to F me." I'll never forget those words as long as I live. I confronted her immediately after, asking her how she could do this, and she was cold as hell, even had half a smile. Blamed me again for the failings in the marriage. I told her to give me her laptop if she had any interest in saving the marrage. She said she doesn't work on ultimatums and couldn't make that decision so quickly. I tried reasoning with her, tried to wake her up, but she just kept plugging away at it acting like I was just an annoyance, so I left. It's been downhill from there. I decided to expose her affair to her group of friends, her mother, and discussed it with my pastor and his wife. She was infuriated, especially about me having told her mother. She told me the marriage was over, that she was still talking to the guy, and was going to keep talking to him. Things have cooled somewhat, but there we are. I told her a few days ago that I was going to be filing for divorce, and get things moving. She said, "I hope this isn't a mistake." I told her it was her choice, so I hope not too, but that it was probably for the best. I was still trying to convince myself of that at the time, but with each day I see it more and more clearly. I just still...can't believe how she just threw it all away, and in such a brutal, and cold fashion like we did. Like our marriage, our family, just meant nothing. I feel so lost...so empty. I have good days, but on some twisted level, I miss her so bad. I miss us being a whole family. I realize now I only miss what I had imagined her to be, and as my Pastor has advised me to look at it, the woman I married died. That actually helps, but there's still the grief in that lost. Sorry for being so long-winded and aimless with this post, if you read it, thanks. I see so many others on this forum going through similar things, that I just wanted to put what I'm going through for someone else out there who might be lurking and in the middle of their own marital turmoil. | |||
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Not where I thought I would be...
| I have been married for 9 years, no kids. Marriage has very little passion which is my fault as well my husbands. No kissing, very little touching. I feel depressed and my confidence is getting worse and worse. I tell him to just let me know if he wants to leave and he tells me 'no I don't want to and I took vows for life' sort of thing. Very confused. Any help? Thanks! | |||
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Just found out wife left me for OM... could use support
| I could really use some help right now... Been with my wife for 9 years, married 3. Just found out my wife took off to live 12 hours away (Pa to NH) to live with OM (That i just found out about him last week). She took the family van (our only car), quit her job, left all the kids (3 boys ages 18, 15, 8), and said she would be back next month sometime. The 2 older boys are my step sons, only the 8yo is ours together. She left me with no way to even get to work on monday or get food for everyone (we live in a rural area). The house and car are both in my name, purchased before married. I know a lot of what i need to do financially to get secured and i need to go see lawyer ASAP for definate answers. This is my 2nd divorce. But does anyone know about the child custody ramifications about this (especially with my 8yo autistic son, and he really misses his mom). Is this abandonment? and can this help me in any way? I was thinking of telling her to get my stepsons out and take them with her, but then i thought it may help my custody case in the future (i live in Pa, USA). They all want to stay here anyhow... the oldest is joining Army asap. Please help... Thanks...:confused::confused::confused: | |||
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Waking up to life's update
| Just thought I'd update you all on a conversation I had recently with my husband. He got angry about a comment I made on Facebook...very long conversation ensued about his unhappiness with my attitude lately, being more "aggressive" and outgoing and doing things apart from him; he said he misses the coy, shy, quiet person he married. We talked a long time about both of us having issues we need to address. I told him how hurt I was that he got angry about me wanting to go to counseling. He admitted he didn't handle that right. I asked him if he could support me in getting the help I need, just like I've always done for him over the years. And I asked him if he'd consider seeing a psych again to address his bipolar 2 (and I believe possibly BPD or Asperger's). He's hesitant to do that because he's had bad experinences in the past with them and is afraid it will be a big waste of time and money again. I asked if he would at least then start by seeing a counselor with me. He said "sure, but I don't know what you'd want to talk about." I said, "how about everything we've just spent the last hour talking about?" :slap: He is hesitant to go because he said he knows he'll just be told about everything that's his fault and he'll try to be better but then if he messes up again I'll leave him. I told him if he goes into it with that attitude, he's right. I asked him to do it, not to humor me, but to show willingness for us to improve our marriage. So in the end, he agreed to go. But at the end of our conversation, his voice changed to sounding like a very fragile 5 year old and he was twisting his blanket in his hand nervously. Just awkward. That conversation happened on Monday. As usual, the rest of the week he acts like the conversation never happened. I truly think he was hoping I'd just forget about it. But Friday I told him I saw the counselor by myself and scheduled an appointment next week for both of us to go. Again the fragile 5 year old came out...he acted exactly like if you were to tell a 5 year old they had to go to the doctor for a scary test or something. But he also seemed suprised or disappointed in a way, like he didn't think I'd actually follow through with it. All of this might seem pretty tame to some of you, but for me it's a huge milestone. To finally jump that hurdle and start having those uncomfortable conversations with him and tell him I want him to support me in going to counseling. The conversation was difficult, because he is good about talking in circles until we forget what we were originally taking about. But I didn't let him get away with it this time. I'm looking forward to our first counseling session, but at the same time I'm dreading it. I know it means we will have to start really digging into very uncomfortable issues such as his health and weight gain and our poor sex life and differences in lifestyle because of it. But...it must be done. I'm hoping, no matter what, I'll at least start seeing things more clearly and can stop living in limbo about our marriage. | |||
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Silly but quick question :)
| I always carry gum with me. If you take one for yourself, is it given that you offer to someone else? Thing is, I always see that as an indication that the other person has bad breath. And you don't want to make someone uncomfortable for no reason, so often I just take one for myself, as discreetly as possible. I was out in a bar with a guy I know, he had a gum and offered me one, and I immediately thought "oh no, my breath smells :( ". I am really self-conscious about stuff like that! So what's the verdict here? | |||
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Advice wanted please.
| Please keep anon cause he uses this website. I think this may end up being quite a long post. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I know no one has the magic wand or whatever; I think I just need to get this off my chest. Bit of background... has been a long distance relationship ever since I started uni in September, he's looking to get a mortgage and under a lot of pressure from his mom in particular to do so. I'm 20, he's 21. Right so basically I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for a year and a half. Things were going great, yeah we fought a little but no more than normal people in a relationship and it was always resolved by talking. So we have a bit of a tiff last weekend, nothing major even by our standards. We make up, drive back to my uni and he leaves for work on Monday morning like normal, kisses me goodbye etc. Tuesday he sends me a text saying he's been thinking about this for a while and it's over. Naturally I ask him why/what did I do etc and the only response I get is "I need space". I try to give him the space he wants although it is a little hard at first. We speak on FaceTime that night and both have a cry, he tells me to book a train to come see him during next week, which I have done. He tells me he's not ready to explain the reasons yet but he will do. He also says he still loves me and hopes we can be together again one day. He texts me good morning on Wednesday morning, nothing special just a one word text so I reply and we chat a bit. Thursday night we FaceTime and I push him for the reasons and he says he's been having thoughts about having sex with other people. He says there's nothing wrong with me he's just greedy and doesn't trust himself to be committed, even though he wants to be with me. He says he's been having these thoughts for around a month. Obviously I get quite upset at this but I have at no point got angry and have insisted that I will be here waiting for him when he gets his head in order. Friday we have very little contact, we text a little but nothing much. Today (Saturday) I texted him at around 6pm asking if he wanted to chat for a bit and he said maybe later as he was at the pub. I carry on with my day as normal and it gets to around 11pm when I text him asking if we can talk now (I'm feeling pretty lonely he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend). He says that he doesn't feel like talking. I persist which maybe I shouldn't have done and we talk for around 5 minutes during which he doesn't say all that much and claims to be quite upset. After he hangs up I send a few angry texts. I know that I am probably in the wrong for doing so I just feel so lost and angry and confused, I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done. We were pretty serious we had talked about marriage, kids, we knew each others views on the matter anyway even though realistically we knew it was years away. My questions to TSR are... What do I do now? What, realistically, are my chances of getting him back? Is this just something he needs to get out of his system? I don't know I just need some advice I don't even know the right questions to ask. Thank you for reading. | |||
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Boundaries and kids
| I feel like I'm always trying to do what's best for the kids. Unfortunately since I'm the only one doing this I often get taken advantage of at walked on by my ex. For example 3 weeks ago I was invited to dinner and it would have made me late so I texted ex to see if he minded. He said he ha plans so I didn't go. Last Friday I had a horrible migraine (1st one in 2 years) and he was off for 5 days between jobs. I texted and asked if he could keep the kids. No response and he dropped them off so he could go hiking. Then Sunday he texts me and says he has a date can I pick the kids up at 5 instead of 6. I did. No problem. Tuesday I had a court hearing at 3 and our youngest woke up vomiting. I texted him to ask if he could help out as I can't leave a sick kid with a sitter. No response. Then Wednesday night at 9:30 pm he texts me saying how he has to go into work now at 7:45 and doesn't know how he's going to her the kids to school. I texted back an d said "I'm sorry, hope you figure it out". He comes back texting all sorts of horrible things about how I'm being mean because he has a girlfriend blah blah blah. I explained that because his help is never reciprocated I will no longer be bending over backwards for him. Especially when he knew all week that this would be the case. Long story short I caved because I felt guilty. I know doing more than he deserves and I need to art some boundaries. What is appropriate to help with and what isn't? Where do you draw the line? | |||
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Check your family pictures
| I didn't check the threads on this board to see if this has been covered but it's worth a re-visit even if it has. Please examine all your family's holiday photos carefully. Especially look for 'red eye' in BOTH eyes when 'red eye' is present. Especially in the young kids. I just found out that one of our client's kids (18 month old baby girl) lost an eye to cancer two weeks before Christmas. The cancer was discovered when the baby's gram was looking over pictures of the thanksgiving family gathering. She noticed that the baby had only one red eye in any picture where red eyes were present. She mentioned it in casual conversation with her DIL and together they checked the internet to see if others had the experience. That led to emergency surgery. Thank God the cancer was caught with only the loss of the one eye. It could have been much worse. Babies don't know they have lost sight in the eye - and it isn't obvious - even to doting moms. | |||
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Wrapping My Mind Around It
| Hello everyone. As I start to write what I'm going through, I'm realizing it could fill a book, but I'll try to keep it brief... I am currently separated from my wife and we're moving for certain towards divorce. We have had plenty of issues in the three years we have been married, including a prolonged first affair of hers just five months ago during the summer with a married man online, as well as a situation where I got a little too comfortable with a woman at work and we shared a kiss. I don't blame anyone but myself for my failure in that regard, but I realized immediately it wasn't something I could do and wasn't who I wanted to be and cut it off and confessed it to my wife (upon learning of her affair). We had a bunch of false starts trying to get her out of her relationship with the guy she was involved with. They had only been hanging out in this game she was addicted to for a couple weeks, but had already had cyber sex multiple times and exchanged, "I love yous." Even being contacted by the man's wife, who was also a friend of hers in the game, where she asked her far too kindly to stop talking to her husband, they continued to sneak and contact each other. Anyway, I thought we finally managed to get through it. I was warned repeatedly (under another name) by users of this forum that I was caving too quick and that she would do it again, but I was so desperate to get out of the pain and try to save my marriage that I relented. She agreed to no contact once again, agreed to let me monitor her online accounts, and assured me she was done playing the game where she had met him and the group she had become part of on there that were toxic to the marriage. Eventually, I started to work through my pain, really doubled down on trying to improve the marriage, get us spending time together far more often than we were, going to counseling, etc. I started to get to where I wasn't even checking her online activities...which in hinsight was foolish. By October, I have since learned recently, she had already signed back up to the game she was playing and began immediately engaging with the same group of people, including men she has admitted had expressed interest in a relationship with her. From what I can tell she didn't resume the relationship with the first guy. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when the first affair started to come into the light, and I was just very focused on trying to be there for her and get her through it in the following months. When her thyroid was removed, I stood alone in the hospital room, holding her hand, wiping the sweat from her brow, and nursed her back to health after the recovery. Then months later, I took her to have her radiation done, drove her back all while probably getting an unhealthy dose myself, and had to be out of the house for a few days. That as it turns out, is where things went even further south. When I was able to come back home, I was vaguely aware that she was cooler than usual. I chalked it up to still recovering after having to be off her thyroid replacement horomone medication for three weeks prior to the radiation. We got through Christmas, which mainly seemed to be just the kids and me as she rarely wanted to leave the house. We had to get and decorate the tree ourselves, and I had to do the vast majority of the Christmas shopping. The day after Christmas she took the kids to go visit her family, which had been the plan for a while. I thought it was a little weird she didn't ask me to go, but things were still a bit strained after the big blowup during the first affair, that I didn't push it too much. One night while I was on my own, I was browsing around on Facebook, when I noticed pictures of my wife with a woman she had met from the game. I though that was really weird she wouldn't bother mentioning that she was going to be meeting someone down there. Then I also noticed that the woman had added, what was obviously a secret Facebook account of my wife's filled with only the same group from the game she was so fixated on. I called her to see what the deal was, and on one of the rare occasions she was honest with me and didn't try to deny it. She started dropping hints about neither of us being happy with the marriage, which caught me way off guard as I had been working my ass off to improve things and get us through these challenging times. Then it hit me...there's another guy. I asked her if that was the case, and she of course denied it. I tried to impress upon her that we had just been through an extremely challenging year, but that we would just keep working and could almost definitely be looking at a brighter future together. The next morning...I still had that nagging feeling that there was someone else. She had that disconnected, foggy feeling that I became so familiar with from the first affair. So I managed to guess the email account she used for Facebook, as well as her password. I was shocked to see that not only had she been video chatting with the group of friends I mentioned earlier, but the majority of the video chats were one on one with some guy. Most of them went up to 3:00 in the morning, going back to the night I had to be out of the house during her radiation. I also found a poem, clearly written for him where she was arguing with herself that she wasn't going to love him, though she would imagine them as lovers and everything else... I called her to confront her on it. She tried claiming at first that the poem was just a general poem and wasn't aimed towards anyone, until I poked holes in that story by referring to details. Then she said he was never going to see it, and that they were nothing but friends. She ended up blaming me for things that had happened in the marriage to make her unhappy, and uncertain of the future, and suggested maybe we needed a trial separation. She said I didn't have to leave the house or anything, but I asked her how I could stay there knowing she was getting involved with another man. She repeatedly, with irritation told me he was just a friend and there was nothing there, and not to make it about that. I roamed the house like a ghost that day. I was utterly broken, thinking I wouldn't be tucking my kids in again at night, that I was losing my wife. Big mistake I know, but I texted her, begging her to think about what she was doing to our family here, that this all just felt wrong. She didn't give. A day two later, they got back into town, and I had to pick her up from the airport where she had dropped off a rental car. That drive was one of the hardest I've ever made in my life. I could barely stand to look at her through the pain. We sat on the drive for a long time, not saying anything, but eventually began speaking. She told me she wasn't sure what to do, and I tried to convince her once again that I wanted to work on the marriage and that we couldn't just give up on it. I impressed upon her that she needed to help me this time though, as I had felt like the last year I was just working hard on myself, on the marriage, and she was doing little to nothing on her own to help us. She again promised me the guy was just a dumb kid. I told her even if that's the case, if she keeps talking to him like she is, it WILL lead to something. She promised me she would stop talking to him and that we wouldn't make any hasty decisions as far as the marriage. Fool that I am, I wante d to believe her, and I did. We went on that way for a couple days, agreeing that we wanted to work on things. I sat chain smoking on the porch at my parent's house during the nights, knowing in the back of my mind she was probably taking comfort in him while I sat alone, away from my kids and my wife. Finally we reached a point where we both seemed to be intent on recommiting to things. I asked her before we went ahead any further if she had been talking to him. She tried denying at first, but finally confessed she had talked to him very briefly during the day, just about silly things regarding landmarks. When we went inside, I decided to ask her to log into the account she had previously been talking to him through, and I could tell the way her composure changed immediately that she had just been lying once again. After dragging her feet, trying to hide the screen from me saying she didn't want to see her password, she eventually logged in. I saw immediately where she had been talking to him until the 3 AM just that morning...the night, before, and on and on. She tried lying and saying those were just the previous times I had already seen, but I pointed out the date stamp. Hurt, angry, I called the guy an ******* through the chat program, told her it was over, and left. All through that scene my daughter was crying, knowing something was wrong and it broke my heart. When I got back to the my parents, she texted me saying she wasn't healthy and that she was sorry for the hurt she had caused and messing up so badly. I told her she was sorry. The next day when I went back to visit the kids, I was determined not to speak to her. She eventually talked me into going outside, which I did and proceeded to tell her how awful what she doing to our family for some stupid fantasy relationship was. She forced a hug on me, which I tried to push off at first, but eventually allowed while she sobbed on my shoulder. I decided to bluff and told her I knew everything, that I had installed a keylogger on her computer and knew what she was doing with him. Again, she tried to lie, but finally I pinned her on it and she confessed that just the night before, when I left, she had performed sexually on camera for him. I felt something inside of me break when she told me that, and literally had to steady myself against the garage door as I started to feel like I was going to pass out. She cried saying she was so embarassed and ashamed of herself for having done it, and that she never was going to again. That she wanted to work on the marriage and was done with him. If you haven't noticed already, I'm a fool, and clinging to the last desparate hope of saving my dreams with this woman, saving the relationship I enjoyed with my children, I started trying to bury it immediately in my subconscious. She hugged me again, kissed me, and somehow we ended up in the bedroom... She asked me to come hang out with her and the children the next day, which I told her I didn't think was a good idea, but I ended up doing it anyway. The whole day, I felt this...pyschological and emotional agony just radiating through my core, but I wanted to pretend on some level that everything could still be ok. When we got back, she did something sneaky with her laptop that completely triggered me, and we started arguing. She started blaming me again for all the issues in the marriage, and in the face of what I was swallowing, I blew up and told her to go put on another f'ing show for some guy online if that's all she was worth. Go be a ***** if that's what you are. I left, but came back a little later after I had cooled off. She was pissed and didn't want to have much to do with me. She told me that that was the kind of thing that made her hate me in the first place. The next day I went to go pick up the kids to come stay with me at my parents. On my way there, I decided to stop and get a VAR as I had read about them on here. I thought at the time...I could use it and pray I heard nothing, and then maybe I could still hang on to some small scrap, or...if I did hear something, maybe it would be the kick in the ass I needed to let go already. On our way I out, I know I looked filled with pain and told her I didn't want our marriage to be ending this way. She acted sympathetic and assured me it wasn't. I had a great time with the kids, but obviously my mind was in turmoil. When I brought them back, she wanted to go outside and talk. I noticed she had obviously slept in in makeup, which was odd since she didn't have any on when we left. She tried denying it saying she did have eyeliner on when I had been there the day before. She told me she had been crying all day and all night, and that she wanted me to come back home. She said he's not my family. She also confessed that she had gone off her antidepressents when she had gone off her thyroid horomone a month ago, because she wanted to see if she didn't need them. I asked her how she could be making these kinds of rash moves and crazy decisions under all the conditions of the last month, including her grandmother suddenly dying. She assured me the guy hadn't been around online lately and she hadn't even spoken to him. We talked for a bit more, and she told me that I can't fix her.I told her I knew that, but I didn't feel like I could just abandon her. Still, I thought maybe she was coming out of the fog a bit and trying to be more open with me...Hah... When I drove home, I listened to the recording. I heard her going into the bedroom where I had left it, obviously intoxicated, video chatting with a few people. Eventually there was a pause and I heard...him, apparently singing to her. She laughed and joked about her presex hair. They laughed about how they had almost given themselves away earlier to their group of friends. From there...it was one of the most brutal experiences I've ever had. I felt literally like my soul had been stabbed with a spear. He asked her to take off her clothes...to which she replied, "Hahaha, (guy's name) what would you do with me with my clothes off?" "Explore." "Ok, I guess I should take off my pants, who wears pants to bed?" It basically ended up with a full demonstration of our vibrator, in my bed with her climaxing for him, saying, "God I want you to F me." I'll never forget those words as long as I live. I confronted her immediately after, asking her how she could do this, and she was cold as hell, even had half a smile. Blamed me again for the failings in the marriage. I told her to give me her laptop if she had any interest in saving the marrage. She said she doesn't work on ultimatums and couldn't make that decision so quickly. I tried reasoning with her, tried to wake her up, but she just kept plugging away at it acting like I was just an annoyance, so I left. It's been downhill from there. I decided to expose her affair to her group of friends, her mother, and discussed it with my pastor and his wife. She was infuriated, especially about me having told her mother. She told me the marriage was over, that she was still talking to the guy, and was going to keep talking to him. Things have cooled somewhat, but there we are. I told her a few days ago that I was going to be filing for divorce, and get things moving. She said, "I hope this isn't a mistake." I told her it was her choice, so I hope not too, but that it was probably for the best. I was still trying to convince myself of that at the time, but with each day I see it more and more clearly. I just still...can't believe how she just threw it all away, and in such a brutal, and cold fashion like we did. Like our marriage, our family, just meant nothing. I feel so lost...so empty. I have good days, but on some twisted level, I miss her so bad. I miss us being a whole family. I realize now I only miss what I had imagined her to be, and as my Pastor has advised me to look at it, the woman I married died. That actually helps, but there's still the grief in that lost. Sorry for being so long-winded and aimless with this post, if you read it, thanks. I see so many others on this forum going through similar things, that I just wanted to put what I'm going through for someone else out there who might be lurking and in the middle of their own marital turmoil. | |||
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Girls would you be okay..
| with a guy looking at your big boobs if he never all about the big boobs in the first place? Like he liked everything about you? or do some don't mind if he is looking as he is drooling like a dog or acting you are just a pair of boobs lol..... | |||
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Is it sad that my only real goal in life is to find love?
| I'm a 21 year old woman. As much as I've tried to force myself into chasing a high-flying career, deep down I realise I genuinely don't really care about all that stuff very much. I do care about having a job, but I'm not too fussed what it is as long as it's reasonably respectable and earns me a satisfactory wage to live decently. I care more about hobbies and friends and social life, and finding the perfect partner. The latter of which I've been finding incredibly difficult, as I'm one of those people who just find it very difficult to attract people and enter any relationships. This has naturally made me depressed for the past few years. To try and counteract this, I've just been really trying to find hobbies to help fulfil my life and throw myself into them, as well as do things and go new places to increase my chances of finding someone. I've also been using online dating on and off since I was 18, but not had any luck with it so far. Some people tell me to just stop worrying, and just concentrate on other things, that relationships aren't important. I've even been accused of being desperate, and maybe I am at times, but why is how I feel seen as wrong? Isn't it more natural to desire a mate and create offspring than to live to be another rat in the corporate race? Believe or not, priorities can vary from person to person, right? In some cultures it's pretty normal to grow up and just expect to become a housewife, but here and now that's looked down upon and people push you into career even if your mind and personality may not be that way inclined, which I find sad. Does anyone else feel like this? I'm not even very sure why I'm writing this to be honest. Just wanting to vent. I'm guessing all I can do is keep concentrating on hobbies and social life to keep me buzzing until my prince charming hopefully one day materialises... | |||
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I hate my job.
| I know I have been starting quite a few threads lately, bit so much shit is going on...so I'm sorry! I work as a live-in Caregiver which means I work 24 hour shifts. I am currently working 4 of them per week. My paychecks every other week range from $650-775. I'm going nuts with my job and I don't think I can handle it much longer. I miss being home at night and having some sort of life. I'm worried that I can't find a good job with equal pay. I pay $550 a month in rent, plus phone bill and gas and food....plus quite a few other bills. No college education and a wonderful HS dropout. Any ideas on what I could look for or should I suck it up for a while longer? | |||
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