Hello,
My husband and I have been together since high school and have a very strong relationship. We do get into horrible arguments about his sister in law. His brothers wife has consistently been disrespectful to me for almost 12 years now. She will make comments like...your children are brats, your cooking is horrible, you don't do things right, that furniture is ugly. She even will tell me to shut the F up. The last couple years I felt anxiety the entire week leading up to a family event. And then I will be on guard the entire time because I didn't know what would pop out of her mouth but something always did. I have tried ignoring it, yelling at her, dishing out to her what she gives to me, talking to her about it for hours. Nothing ever changes. I finally had enough 3 years ago during a holiday when she said I looked so ugly in a picture. I emailed her later and told her that I could no longer be around her because she was disrespectful and I would not tolerate it. She emailed me back saying that it was typical behavior for me and that of course I would do this to her when she was graduating college. My husband said he would support me 100% and that it was out of line to be treated that way. We told everyone we werent going to go to an event and then his brother called him screaming about how I was keeping him from the family and that I was too sensitive. My husband then played mediator and I ended up having to deal with everything on my own. over the past 3 years my husband would say ...the tension is so thick, it is ruining my family events. I would feel bad for him and then go talk to her to see if we could be civil so everyone else had a good time. I arranged a meeting with her to see if we could atleast be civil and she wouldn't let me talk about how her words were hurtful and then she turned around like I had done something to her. The last 3 years have been hell for me going to events. I decided not to go to any family functions that are at my SILs house...only to go to things my MIL has because I care very much for her. What has happened is that my husband interacts with his brother and wife and I am left uncomfortable and not included in conversations. I feel like my husband didnt back me up and has left me to try to find a solution on my own. Whenever I bring it up in conversation he gets so mad and says hurtful things... like...everyone else has moved on but you. And Im so sick of discussing it, I am done. It is tearing us apart and I dont want it to end in divorce. Any suggestions?
My husband and I have been together since high school and have a very strong relationship. We do get into horrible arguments about his sister in law. His brothers wife has consistently been disrespectful to me for almost 12 years now. She will make comments like...your children are brats, your cooking is horrible, you don't do things right, that furniture is ugly. She even will tell me to shut the F up. The last couple years I felt anxiety the entire week leading up to a family event. And then I will be on guard the entire time because I didn't know what would pop out of her mouth but something always did. I have tried ignoring it, yelling at her, dishing out to her what she gives to me, talking to her about it for hours. Nothing ever changes. I finally had enough 3 years ago during a holiday when she said I looked so ugly in a picture. I emailed her later and told her that I could no longer be around her because she was disrespectful and I would not tolerate it. She emailed me back saying that it was typical behavior for me and that of course I would do this to her when she was graduating college. My husband said he would support me 100% and that it was out of line to be treated that way. We told everyone we werent going to go to an event and then his brother called him screaming about how I was keeping him from the family and that I was too sensitive. My husband then played mediator and I ended up having to deal with everything on my own. over the past 3 years my husband would say ...the tension is so thick, it is ruining my family events. I would feel bad for him and then go talk to her to see if we could be civil so everyone else had a good time. I arranged a meeting with her to see if we could atleast be civil and she wouldn't let me talk about how her words were hurtful and then she turned around like I had done something to her. The last 3 years have been hell for me going to events. I decided not to go to any family functions that are at my SILs house...only to go to things my MIL has because I care very much for her. What has happened is that my husband interacts with his brother and wife and I am left uncomfortable and not included in conversations. I feel like my husband didnt back me up and has left me to try to find a solution on my own. Whenever I bring it up in conversation he gets so mad and says hurtful things... like...everyone else has moved on but you. And Im so sick of discussing it, I am done. It is tearing us apart and I dont want it to end in divorce. Any suggestions?
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