:crying:
I have made a stupid mistake and think that I have ruined my marriage.
I am 38 and married to my wife of 30 - (B'day yesterday) with the 3 most beautiful children 5, 4 and 11 months old.
The story behind my situation is complex and long, I will try my best to be clear and be honest
First some background. I am by no means a perfect husband and when I first met my wife 10 years ago she was my first real serious relationship. We got together and things were good. I however had some issues regarding sex and would "sulk" in a totally unacceptable way if we didn't "get it on" , this led my wife to feel forced into having sex with me just to keep me happy and from days of stomping around the house in silence. This is a horendous thing that I did, which was extremely damaging to my wife and something that I wish I could have seen more clearly the effect of. This is not the main point of the post but needs to be said to give clarity of the situation.
On the other hand in most other things my wife/friends/family say that I am one of the most freindly, funny,reliable and nicest people that you could wish to meet (my wife's words not mine). I help with all the chores around the house (could do more but couldn't we all) and since my wife started a new job on w.ends I take all three kids to the park/parties/out every weekend. My wife says I am her rock and so reliable and dependable - she has been though some post natal depression which were very dark times but I would like to think I supported her in the right way.
Present day
Yesterday on my wife's 30th I discovered that she had started smoking again (we both quit a few years back), this, along with other changes in behaviour (suddenly going from mobile never being charged to her constantly texting and never without her phone by her side.) led to me questioning her about if there was someone/something going on. She said "no, not exactly" and that it was "difficult to explain". We had planned to go out for a drink in the evening so we said we would discuss it later.
When we were having a chat to sort out the problems and being completely honest she told me she has met a man at work who is married with a young boy who has made her feel amazing. Although nothing would ever happen (in her words) it has opened her eyes to our relationshsip.
She proceeded to compare this man with a woman at my workplace.
My wife and I both used to work in the same place and there was a woman there that I was friendly with (chatting etc) and my wife was convinced she had alterior motives so warned me and told me to keep away. I stilll continued to chat in work (difficult not to) but that was all until the Christmas party where we had a very brief and unplanned kiss/snog.
I regretted it straight away and we stopped instantly - there was no sexual behaviour later or anything of that sort at all. The kiss lasted all of 5secs and that was it.
I got home that night rather drunk and have since found out (through my wife) that I more or less told her (in a drunk garble)
As we were being totally honest, cards on the table I came clean and told her that this had happened.
We are now obviously in a very rocky place. I feel sick to my core and don't want us to split up over this if it can be repaired. My wife says she doesn't even know if she wants to try. Resenting me for all the crap/emotional abuse that I put her through with the sex issue in the early years - although she does say that thngs have improved regarding this a lot but the niggle is still there in the back of her mind.
I have changed completely for the better regarding this (her words again) and the kiss was one kiss and nothing ever went on after, there was absolutely no sexual activity what so ever.
I really want to fix things, I am a famiy man and I love my wife and kids more than anything in the world. I know I shouldn't have done what I have so please avoid such comments. I just need to know what now?
I am not sleeping (3am as I type), struggling to function at work, due to the fear of what is about to happen to our lives. Yes some people will say I deserve it but I am so frightened about the effect this may have on our kids and don't know how to really move forward from here.
Please any advice, suggestions or experience will help me get through this horrific time
:crying:
I have made a stupid mistake and think that I have ruined my marriage.
I am 38 and married to my wife of 30 - (B'day yesterday) with the 3 most beautiful children 5, 4 and 11 months old.
The story behind my situation is complex and long, I will try my best to be clear and be honest
First some background. I am by no means a perfect husband and when I first met my wife 10 years ago she was my first real serious relationship. We got together and things were good. I however had some issues regarding sex and would "sulk" in a totally unacceptable way if we didn't "get it on" , this led my wife to feel forced into having sex with me just to keep me happy and from days of stomping around the house in silence. This is a horendous thing that I did, which was extremely damaging to my wife and something that I wish I could have seen more clearly the effect of. This is not the main point of the post but needs to be said to give clarity of the situation.
On the other hand in most other things my wife/friends/family say that I am one of the most freindly, funny,reliable and nicest people that you could wish to meet (my wife's words not mine). I help with all the chores around the house (could do more but couldn't we all) and since my wife started a new job on w.ends I take all three kids to the park/parties/out every weekend. My wife says I am her rock and so reliable and dependable - she has been though some post natal depression which were very dark times but I would like to think I supported her in the right way.
Present day
Yesterday on my wife's 30th I discovered that she had started smoking again (we both quit a few years back), this, along with other changes in behaviour (suddenly going from mobile never being charged to her constantly texting and never without her phone by her side.) led to me questioning her about if there was someone/something going on. She said "no, not exactly" and that it was "difficult to explain". We had planned to go out for a drink in the evening so we said we would discuss it later.
When we were having a chat to sort out the problems and being completely honest she told me she has met a man at work who is married with a young boy who has made her feel amazing. Although nothing would ever happen (in her words) it has opened her eyes to our relationshsip.
She proceeded to compare this man with a woman at my workplace.
My wife and I both used to work in the same place and there was a woman there that I was friendly with (chatting etc) and my wife was convinced she had alterior motives so warned me and told me to keep away. I stilll continued to chat in work (difficult not to) but that was all until the Christmas party where we had a very brief and unplanned kiss/snog.
I regretted it straight away and we stopped instantly - there was no sexual behaviour later or anything of that sort at all. The kiss lasted all of 5secs and that was it.
I got home that night rather drunk and have since found out (through my wife) that I more or less told her (in a drunk garble)
As we were being totally honest, cards on the table I came clean and told her that this had happened.
We are now obviously in a very rocky place. I feel sick to my core and don't want us to split up over this if it can be repaired. My wife says she doesn't even know if she wants to try. Resenting me for all the crap/emotional abuse that I put her through with the sex issue in the early years - although she does say that thngs have improved regarding this a lot but the niggle is still there in the back of her mind.
I have changed completely for the better regarding this (her words again) and the kiss was one kiss and nothing ever went on after, there was absolutely no sexual activity what so ever.
I really want to fix things, I am a famiy man and I love my wife and kids more than anything in the world. I know I shouldn't have done what I have so please avoid such comments. I just need to know what now?
I am not sleeping (3am as I type), struggling to function at work, due to the fear of what is about to happen to our lives. Yes some people will say I deserve it but I am so frightened about the effect this may have on our kids and don't know how to really move forward from here.
Please any advice, suggestions or experience will help me get through this horrific time
:crying:
Put the internet to work for you.
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