This situation has me so sad.
I developed what I THOUGHT was a crush on my dental hygienist, all because I had a connection to her.
After talking to my husband and now going to a therapist, it's been discussed that a portion of my feelings were due to a lack of intimacy in the marriage, but the majority of my feelings were because I have issues with opening up to friends.
The woman that I considered to be my best friend, has ended our friendship over this. For years, she's complained that our friendship has been one-sided, that I don't open up or discuss my own issues (but that I'm always there for her). So when I started to discuss my feelings for my hygienist, mainly that I felt I could talk to her, my best friend was hurt. Not right away, but in the following discussions, she made it clear she was hurt to hear this. This led to me walking away from the friendship after she said some very hurtful, cruel things.
I haven't had a connection like this to a woman since high school and my early 20's. Those friendships ended because of me and my stupidity, so it's kind of been carved in my head that I'm not a good friend.
My friends consist of a small inner circle, all of whom I'm there for, but I don't open up to.
When I met this woman, my hygienist, there was an instant connection. Then, an acquaintance thought she was doing me a favor and sent her a message from my facebook (she asked to use my phone as I got up, while we were at a restaurant). Now my hygienist knows who I am and probably wants nothing to do with me.
Having discovered that my feelings were of that of a friend, losing what I considered was my best friend, I feel like I did in high school, that I'm not a very good friend.
I sincerely have more hang-ups in terms of friendships, than I have ever had in my own relationships.
This discovery has left me pretty heartbroken, along with the fact that this situation has been as screwed up as it's been, all because I wasn't comfortable with my feelings and tried to repress them (which caused them so seem much bigger in my mind).
My husband has really been there for me as of late, to listen to me. He said he can tell that it wasn't so much a crush but due to my friendship issues (I met him shortly after one of those serious friendships ended, so he knows about it).
He tries to reassure me that I'll find someone else, another woman who I'll have as much of a connection as I did with her, but the last time I experienced this was 14 years ago. So at that rate, I'll be in my late 40's.
Lately, I've been feeling like it didn't matter anyway, that she's too good for me on a friend level (she has 400 facebook friends, most of whom tell her how much they love and miss her) and that if we did become friends, I'd find a way to screw it up.
Then of course, there's the rejection from her, albeit indirect, because she hasn't reached out to me. That hurts.
I'm down in the dumps. This has seemingly reinforced my own notion that I'm a bad friend, therefore a bad person and I'm stuck in this cycle of feeling awful and guilty.
The one person I want to talk to about this, is the one person I can't talk to (my former dental hygienist).
I guess I just needed to vent.
I developed what I THOUGHT was a crush on my dental hygienist, all because I had a connection to her.
After talking to my husband and now going to a therapist, it's been discussed that a portion of my feelings were due to a lack of intimacy in the marriage, but the majority of my feelings were because I have issues with opening up to friends.
The woman that I considered to be my best friend, has ended our friendship over this. For years, she's complained that our friendship has been one-sided, that I don't open up or discuss my own issues (but that I'm always there for her). So when I started to discuss my feelings for my hygienist, mainly that I felt I could talk to her, my best friend was hurt. Not right away, but in the following discussions, she made it clear she was hurt to hear this. This led to me walking away from the friendship after she said some very hurtful, cruel things.
I haven't had a connection like this to a woman since high school and my early 20's. Those friendships ended because of me and my stupidity, so it's kind of been carved in my head that I'm not a good friend.
My friends consist of a small inner circle, all of whom I'm there for, but I don't open up to.
When I met this woman, my hygienist, there was an instant connection. Then, an acquaintance thought she was doing me a favor and sent her a message from my facebook (she asked to use my phone as I got up, while we were at a restaurant). Now my hygienist knows who I am and probably wants nothing to do with me.
Having discovered that my feelings were of that of a friend, losing what I considered was my best friend, I feel like I did in high school, that I'm not a very good friend.
I sincerely have more hang-ups in terms of friendships, than I have ever had in my own relationships.
This discovery has left me pretty heartbroken, along with the fact that this situation has been as screwed up as it's been, all because I wasn't comfortable with my feelings and tried to repress them (which caused them so seem much bigger in my mind).
My husband has really been there for me as of late, to listen to me. He said he can tell that it wasn't so much a crush but due to my friendship issues (I met him shortly after one of those serious friendships ended, so he knows about it).
He tries to reassure me that I'll find someone else, another woman who I'll have as much of a connection as I did with her, but the last time I experienced this was 14 years ago. So at that rate, I'll be in my late 40's.
Lately, I've been feeling like it didn't matter anyway, that she's too good for me on a friend level (she has 400 facebook friends, most of whom tell her how much they love and miss her) and that if we did become friends, I'd find a way to screw it up.
Then of course, there's the rejection from her, albeit indirect, because she hasn't reached out to me. That hurts.
I'm down in the dumps. This has seemingly reinforced my own notion that I'm a bad friend, therefore a bad person and I'm stuck in this cycle of feeling awful and guilty.
The one person I want to talk to about this, is the one person I can't talk to (my former dental hygienist).
I guess I just needed to vent.
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