Hi everyone,
I'm new here and am looking for a bit of advice. My husband and I have been together for a total of 15 years and I love him more than anything. I'd say that, overall, we have a very good, solid relationship. This past January, he got a promotion at his job. You would think that would be a good thing. This position involves traveling all over the country. When he took this position, he was told that he would travel no more than twice per month and that he would have at least a full week off from traveling in between trips. Well, in April, he was traveling for 3 weeks straight, only getting to come home on the weekends. He did have the first 3 weeks of May off from traveling, which was great, but he's traveling this week, will be home tomorrow night for the weekend, but then he is leaving again on Monday and will be gone for 2 WEEKS STRAIGHT. I literally will not see my husband for 2 whole weeks. I'm having a very hard time with that.
Another issue that I'm having is that he was supposed to have gotten a raise with this "promotion" and he was being changed from hourly to salaried. Well, his salary is the exact same amount he made in his old position when he was hourly. Actually, it's even a bit less because he doesn't get overtime anymore, yet he's working A LOT more hours now and is having to travel a significant amount and be away from home. He and several other people who also got this promotion have told management that they need raises, but it still hasn't happened. It was supposed to happen almost 6 months ago. He is basically getting screwed...big time. I feel like his company lied to him and this whole "promotion" was a total bait and switch. This is a huge, multi-billion dollar company, so it's not that they can't afford it!
When he was first offered this promotion back in January, he talked to me about it. I really wasn't too crazy about the idea of him traveling, but I really do want him to advance his career as much as possible and we both agreed that this would be financially beneficial to us because he would get a raise (which still hasn't happened) and it could very likely lead to even greater opportunities for him at his company in the future. I wanted to be as supportive as possible, so I agreed that he should take the promotion.
I am now starting to feel a bit resentful when he travels all over the country and leaves me at home all alone (I work from home full-time) to take care of the house, our pets, run all the errands, and make sure all the bills get paid all by myself. Plus, I am downright lonely when he is away for extended periods of time, like he's about to be these next 2 weeks. It wasn't supposed to be like this at all. I'm also extremely frustrated that he hasn't gotten one single raise yet and it's been 6 months since his "promotion." He could be at home and making the exact same amount of money, actually even more with overtime, which he now no longer gets being salaried.
Every time I bring up my concrens, my husband gets defensive and we end up arguing. He seems to feel like I'm attacking him whenever I ask him when he's getting his raise and he just won't even hear me out. I know that he loves his job and everything, which is great, but this is getting ridiculous and is becoming really unfair to me when I'm left home alone while he travels all over the country. He's about to leave for New Mexico for 2 whole weeks, which will be the longest we've ever been apart and I'm dreading it.
I know that I wouldn't feel this way, at least not nearly as much, if he would just get his raise and was being paid a fair salary for all of this extensive traveling and extra hours he has to work while on the road. He has to work 9-10 hours and then go back to his hotel and work even more. I think that is total crap. It would at least be worth it if he was making more money. He is getting screwed so badly and I feel like he doesn't see it as clearly as I do and it just causes us to argue whenever I bring it up. We had a pretty big argument on the phone tonight about it. He even said "all you care about is money." That's not the case at all. I just want him to get the raise that he was promised 6 months ago. I also think that they need to make it retroactive. The raise was the main reason we both agreed that he would take this position.
Am I justified in feeling the way I do? Should I be approaching this differently? I am getting really tired of not even being able to discuss this with him in a calm manner. He just automatically gets so defensive whenever I try to talk about it and I don't really think he fully understands the effect that all of his traveling has on me and how lonely, resentful, and stressed out I feel when he's away this much. I really don't want to feel this way, but I do. I also can't stand seeing my husband being totally shafted by his employer.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I'm new here and am looking for a bit of advice. My husband and I have been together for a total of 15 years and I love him more than anything. I'd say that, overall, we have a very good, solid relationship. This past January, he got a promotion at his job. You would think that would be a good thing. This position involves traveling all over the country. When he took this position, he was told that he would travel no more than twice per month and that he would have at least a full week off from traveling in between trips. Well, in April, he was traveling for 3 weeks straight, only getting to come home on the weekends. He did have the first 3 weeks of May off from traveling, which was great, but he's traveling this week, will be home tomorrow night for the weekend, but then he is leaving again on Monday and will be gone for 2 WEEKS STRAIGHT. I literally will not see my husband for 2 whole weeks. I'm having a very hard time with that.
Another issue that I'm having is that he was supposed to have gotten a raise with this "promotion" and he was being changed from hourly to salaried. Well, his salary is the exact same amount he made in his old position when he was hourly. Actually, it's even a bit less because he doesn't get overtime anymore, yet he's working A LOT more hours now and is having to travel a significant amount and be away from home. He and several other people who also got this promotion have told management that they need raises, but it still hasn't happened. It was supposed to happen almost 6 months ago. He is basically getting screwed...big time. I feel like his company lied to him and this whole "promotion" was a total bait and switch. This is a huge, multi-billion dollar company, so it's not that they can't afford it!
When he was first offered this promotion back in January, he talked to me about it. I really wasn't too crazy about the idea of him traveling, but I really do want him to advance his career as much as possible and we both agreed that this would be financially beneficial to us because he would get a raise (which still hasn't happened) and it could very likely lead to even greater opportunities for him at his company in the future. I wanted to be as supportive as possible, so I agreed that he should take the promotion.
I am now starting to feel a bit resentful when he travels all over the country and leaves me at home all alone (I work from home full-time) to take care of the house, our pets, run all the errands, and make sure all the bills get paid all by myself. Plus, I am downright lonely when he is away for extended periods of time, like he's about to be these next 2 weeks. It wasn't supposed to be like this at all. I'm also extremely frustrated that he hasn't gotten one single raise yet and it's been 6 months since his "promotion." He could be at home and making the exact same amount of money, actually even more with overtime, which he now no longer gets being salaried.
Every time I bring up my concrens, my husband gets defensive and we end up arguing. He seems to feel like I'm attacking him whenever I ask him when he's getting his raise and he just won't even hear me out. I know that he loves his job and everything, which is great, but this is getting ridiculous and is becoming really unfair to me when I'm left home alone while he travels all over the country. He's about to leave for New Mexico for 2 whole weeks, which will be the longest we've ever been apart and I'm dreading it.
I know that I wouldn't feel this way, at least not nearly as much, if he would just get his raise and was being paid a fair salary for all of this extensive traveling and extra hours he has to work while on the road. He has to work 9-10 hours and then go back to his hotel and work even more. I think that is total crap. It would at least be worth it if he was making more money. He is getting screwed so badly and I feel like he doesn't see it as clearly as I do and it just causes us to argue whenever I bring it up. We had a pretty big argument on the phone tonight about it. He even said "all you care about is money." That's not the case at all. I just want him to get the raise that he was promised 6 months ago. I also think that they need to make it retroactive. The raise was the main reason we both agreed that he would take this position.
Am I justified in feeling the way I do? Should I be approaching this differently? I am getting really tired of not even being able to discuss this with him in a calm manner. He just automatically gets so defensive whenever I try to talk about it and I don't really think he fully understands the effect that all of his traveling has on me and how lonely, resentful, and stressed out I feel when he's away this much. I really don't want to feel this way, but I do. I also can't stand seeing my husband being totally shafted by his employer.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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