Greetings all,
I'm here seeking opinions on my situation.
I was recently given an ultimatum by my girlfriend of 1 year (13 months to be exact but it was an on-and-off again relationship).
I began dating her knowing that she was an international student living in the US on a student visa. Immediately after we began dating, her aunt (who lives here in the US) proposed the idea of having a green card marriage. If the relationship were to fail, I would be offered a lump sum of cash. I immediately said no as I value the sanctity of marriage and will only marry for love.
We both agreed to continue dating to see where the relationship goes. When we started dating, I was also overwhelmed due to caring for my mom during her cancer treatment. The GF wanted to help since she wasn't working. She wanted to come over everyday. When she came to my mom's house to "help," all she did was keep my mom company. My mom remained fairly independent during treatment and did some cooking herself. I did all the cleaning and heavy work. The GF mostly watched movies and accompanied my mom on her daily walks.
Arguments began around 1.5 months into the relationship. It began one night when the GF complained about being tired and stressed for coming to my mom's house everyday to help (keep in mind she wasn't working or doing anything else at this time). To show the GF that I cared and appreciate the help, I told to her to stay home and get some rest and come back when she felt better. This was not what the GF wanted to hear. She interpreted my words as me not wanting to spend time with her. She actually wanted me to beg for her to stay. All I wanted was for her to get rest and feel better, but I was told I'm inconsiderate and inappreciative of her help. Work and taking care of my mom was stressful enough so I decided to call it quits.
After a 2-month split, we reconciled at got back together. By this time she had a job. Things were ok for 3 months until the pressure came on again about marriage for her green card. I explained that pressure will breed resentment and I was not ready considering our rocky and short relationship (around 4.5 months of actual dating by this time). She allegedly understood my explanation but was apparently under pressure from her mother back home to get her documents.
Since then, we've had arguments almost every week about the littlest of things. For example, she was shopping for decorations for her workplace in which she would be reimbursed. At the point of sale, she realized she forgot her money in her car and asked me to pay. Not carrying cash, I refused informing her that it was for HER workplace and that SHE would get reimbursed, not me. This did not sit well with her and resulted in another breakup. We reconciled again.
In another instance, I brought up the idea of a prenuptial agreement (family assets). She was offended by this (which I can understand) and called the relationship off again. These are just examples off the top of my head, but we have been on and off too many times. All reconciliations involved me begging for her back.
Here we are now, I was given an ultimatum to marry her for the green card so she can stay in the US where we can "continue to date." Otherwise she will leave. She said she loves me and has no intentions of divorcing and wants to spend her life with me. She said marriage will resolve our problems since she will not have pressure due to her immigration status. Although I love her, I'm not ready for marriage due to or rocky relationship and her constant threats to break up. When I expressed my concerns, she said the break ups were a test to see if I loved her and because she was tired. If I don't marry her, she will leave and marry someone else.
All she has to do is go back to school in order to legally stay in the US. But her younger brother is in the process of coming over as well. She also wants to bring her mother over.
I truly love her and don't want to lose her. She's not perfect but neither am I. I understand that she has a brighter future here than in her home country, but rushing into marriage is not the solution. I'm really lost. What would you do?
I'm here seeking opinions on my situation.
I was recently given an ultimatum by my girlfriend of 1 year (13 months to be exact but it was an on-and-off again relationship).
I began dating her knowing that she was an international student living in the US on a student visa. Immediately after we began dating, her aunt (who lives here in the US) proposed the idea of having a green card marriage. If the relationship were to fail, I would be offered a lump sum of cash. I immediately said no as I value the sanctity of marriage and will only marry for love.
We both agreed to continue dating to see where the relationship goes. When we started dating, I was also overwhelmed due to caring for my mom during her cancer treatment. The GF wanted to help since she wasn't working. She wanted to come over everyday. When she came to my mom's house to "help," all she did was keep my mom company. My mom remained fairly independent during treatment and did some cooking herself. I did all the cleaning and heavy work. The GF mostly watched movies and accompanied my mom on her daily walks.
Arguments began around 1.5 months into the relationship. It began one night when the GF complained about being tired and stressed for coming to my mom's house everyday to help (keep in mind she wasn't working or doing anything else at this time). To show the GF that I cared and appreciate the help, I told to her to stay home and get some rest and come back when she felt better. This was not what the GF wanted to hear. She interpreted my words as me not wanting to spend time with her. She actually wanted me to beg for her to stay. All I wanted was for her to get rest and feel better, but I was told I'm inconsiderate and inappreciative of her help. Work and taking care of my mom was stressful enough so I decided to call it quits.
After a 2-month split, we reconciled at got back together. By this time she had a job. Things were ok for 3 months until the pressure came on again about marriage for her green card. I explained that pressure will breed resentment and I was not ready considering our rocky and short relationship (around 4.5 months of actual dating by this time). She allegedly understood my explanation but was apparently under pressure from her mother back home to get her documents.
Since then, we've had arguments almost every week about the littlest of things. For example, she was shopping for decorations for her workplace in which she would be reimbursed. At the point of sale, she realized she forgot her money in her car and asked me to pay. Not carrying cash, I refused informing her that it was for HER workplace and that SHE would get reimbursed, not me. This did not sit well with her and resulted in another breakup. We reconciled again.
In another instance, I brought up the idea of a prenuptial agreement (family assets). She was offended by this (which I can understand) and called the relationship off again. These are just examples off the top of my head, but we have been on and off too many times. All reconciliations involved me begging for her back.
Here we are now, I was given an ultimatum to marry her for the green card so she can stay in the US where we can "continue to date." Otherwise she will leave. She said she loves me and has no intentions of divorcing and wants to spend her life with me. She said marriage will resolve our problems since she will not have pressure due to her immigration status. Although I love her, I'm not ready for marriage due to or rocky relationship and her constant threats to break up. When I expressed my concerns, she said the break ups were a test to see if I loved her and because she was tired. If I don't marry her, she will leave and marry someone else.
All she has to do is go back to school in order to legally stay in the US. But her younger brother is in the process of coming over as well. She also wants to bring her mother over.
I truly love her and don't want to lose her. She's not perfect but neither am I. I understand that she has a brighter future here than in her home country, but rushing into marriage is not the solution. I'm really lost. What would you do?
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